Half Of Married Women Have A Back-up Husband In Mind.

[Jarlaxle]

I wonder how many wives have a back up woman ready to go.

Is it still a "back-up" if her husband knows about it?

 

[Jarlaxle]

Life is short, why spend all that time figuring out women? Find one you like and settle down, it works or it doesn't.

The problem is that the break up usually results in financial ruin for the man.
If I were engaged to be married, I would 100% without any doubt have a prenuptial agreement drawn up. That will state each party gets what they came into the marriage with and all other marital assets are split based on the percentage of income earned by each spouse during the marriage.
I have seen too many guys bust their asses to build a nice home for their family and then some bloodsucking attorney gets a judge to allow the woman to take free and clear possession of the house and the guy has to suffer the indignity of paying for it.

I'm on marriage number two. Prenups are for hedgers, wrong attitude in my opinion.

Agreed. One should be "all in" in a marriage, or why bother?

Because it's like playing Russian Roulette with three in the cylinder. Any man who marries WITHOUT a prenup probably needs his head examined.

 

[saveliberty]

So if I amass enough wealth I live forever? How many toys do I need? If yours are better, what does that mean to me?

 

[Marianne]

Funny. Women complain a lot about men who won't commit but once men get married it seems like it's women who have a problem staying committed - over 70% of divorces are initiated by women and now we find out that 50% already have a back-up husband in mind. Yowza!

According to a recent Mail survey of 1000 married ladies, half of all women have a backup husband in mind should their current one break during use. Or, you know, should the marriage not work out for whatever reason.

Some truly prepared wives may even have more than one backup in mind just in case. The survey also shows that a wife’s spousal-understudy is most likely to be either an ex or an old friend who has always had unrequited feelings for her. The most likely backup husband was a man the woman had known “for around seven years who will be ‘ready and waiting’ because of ‘unfinished business.’” Even more telling, around one in ten women said their backup was a man who had already “confessed his undying love,” while one in five women were confident the backup guy would “drop everything for her if she asked him too.”

Being prepared is one thing, but one in four women also reported having feelings for their backup man “as strong as they do for their other half.” That’s perhaps a step beyond prepared.

While living with a few necessary safeguards in place is always advisable, the concept of having a backup spouse in mind in case things don’t work out undermines your present relationship in more ways then one. The energy you spend keeping one eye on your plan b or obsessing over “what if” end of relationship scenarios is much better spent focusing on making your marriage work and keeping communication open and consistent. (The same goes for any guys with “backup wives,” too.) The concept of preparing for an imagined worst case takes you as far out of the present as possible. Living with a backup spouse in mind is like boarding a vacation cruise wearing a life jacket for the duration of the trip. It’s excessive behavior that grimly reminds you and those around you that there is a chance things may not go well.​

Back up husband????? I love my husband and all but I'd never get married again. All my dreams "if the marriage doesn't work out" involve a winning lottery ticket for several million dollars and a palm tree on a white sandy beach complete with a lounge chair,book and a Pina colada.

 

[bodecea]

My back up husband is Han Solo, but sadly he got too old.

My God went and seen Expendables 3 and Harrison Ford looked like he was 80 years old.

This is confusing. Did you mean to say that Your God went to see Expendables 3 and told you that Harrison is an Old Man now.... or were you expressing horror due to having seen Aged Harrison Ford in E-3 yourself?

The real crime was "seen" versus saw.

My God! I went to see Expendables 3 and Harrison Ford looked like he was 80 years old.

<grammer Nazi off>

Just looked - he's 72.

Maybe its because I'm 68 but I think he looks pretty good....

And don't feel bad for correcting "seen v saw". That's an example of poor grammar that is becoming more and more common and I just hate hearing it. Very weird to see it written though.

Booze does that to a person, I'm afraid.

 

[saveliberty]

My back up plan is serving Pina Coladas on the beach to ladies reading.

 

[bodecea]

Guys can't handle life alone. Women can and do

This is because men concentrate their emotional lives onto their wives while women have pretty broad networks of friends into which they can reach for emotional support. When a split happens, for women the loss of husband is simply the loss of one node in the emotional network whereas for men it's the whole network failing.

Another way to look at this is that men are more committed, they put all their emotional eggs into one basket.

Men should never allow their wives to associate with single or especially divorced women.

As if he'd have a say in it.

 

[bodecea]

My back up plan is serving Pina Coladas on the beach to ladies reading.

Mine is to be one of those ladies reading.

 

[SmarterThanTheAverageBear]

Life is short, why spend all that time figuring out women? Find one you like and settle down, it works or it doesn't.

The problem is that the break up usually results in financial ruin for the man.
If I were engaged to be married, I would 100% without any doubt have a prenuptial agreement drawn up. That will state each party gets what they came into the marriage with and all other marital assets are split based on the percentage of income earned by each spouse during the marriage.
I have seen too many guys bust their asses to build a nice home for their family and then some bloodsucking attorney gets a judge to allow the woman to take free and clear possession of the house and the guy has to suffer the indignity of paying for it.

I'm on marriage number two. Prenups are for hedgers, wrong attitude in my opinion.

Agreed. One should be "all in" in a marriage, or why bother?

Because it's like playing Russian Roulette with three in the cylinder. Any man who marries WITHOUT a prenup probably needs his head examined.

no doubt, or you could just tell your wife how it is.

If you cheat or file for divorce, they will NEVER find the body......

 

[Rikurzhen]

Guys can't handle life alone. Women can and do

This is because men concentrate their emotional lives onto their wives while women have pretty broad networks of friends into which they can reach for emotional support. When a split happens, for women the loss of husband is simply the loss of one node in the emotional network whereas for men it's the whole network failing.

Another way to look at this is that men are more committed, they put all their emotional eggs into one basket.

Men should never allow their wives to associate with single or especially divorced women.

As if he'd have a say in it.

Smart spouses don't have to be told, they understand the risks.

The full network shows that participants are 75% (95% C.I. 58% to 96%) more likely to be divorced if a person (obviously other than their spouse) that they are directly connected to (at one degree of separation) is divorced. The size of the effect for people at two degrees of separation (e.g., the friend of a friend) is 33% (95% C.I. 18% to 52%). At three degrees of separation the effect disappears (–2%, 95% C.I. –12% to 9%), in contrast to the “three degrees of influence” rule of social network contagion that has been exhibited for obesity, smoking, happiness, and loneliness (Cacioppo et al. 2009; Christakis & Fowler 2007; Christakis & Fowler 2008; Fowler & Christakis 2008a).

Notice in the right panel of Figure 2 that the decline in the effect size with social distance contrasts to a lack of decline in the effect size as people become more geographically distant from one another. Although the association in divorce status is stronger among people who co-reside in the same household (category 1 in Figure 2, p<0.001) geographic distance appears to have no effect on the strength of the association among those who do not reside together. We confirmed this result by testing an interaction between distance and the effect size. These results suggest that a divorced friend or family member who lives hundreds of miles away may have as much influence on an ego’s risk of divorce as one who lives next door. . . . . .

Table 2 shows that the causal arrow also points in the opposite direction: divorce has a significant effect on the structure of the network. People who go through a divorce experience a 4% (C.I. 0% to 8%) decrease in the number of people who name them as friends. They also name about 7% (C.I. 3% to 12%) fewer friends on average. People who get divorced may become less popular at least partly because they likely lose members of their spouse’s social network as friends. In addition, newly single friends may be perceived as social threats by married friends who worry about marital poaching, or suspect their partner may be susceptible to infidelity. Table 3 shows that divorce also has an effect on the pattern of ties between ones’ friends. A measure of transitivity – the probability that two of ones’ contacts are connected with one another – is significantly related to previous divorce status (even controlling for the total number of contacts, which is structurally related to transitivity). The implication is that people who go through a divorce tend to immerse themselves in denser groups with fewer ties outside these groups. In contrast, transitivity appears to have no effect on the future likelihood of divorce (p=0.37). Moreover, we find that sharing the same friends with one’s spouse does not significantly mitigate the likelihood of divorce. The correlation between sharing at least one friend and getting divorced at the next exam is negative but not significant (Pearson rho = -0.012, p=0.20). Similarly, the correlation between fraction of shared friends and getting divorced at the next exam is negative but not significant (Pearson rho = -0.011, p=0.22). Taken together, these results suggest that divorce has a stronger effect on the structure of the network than the structure of the network has on divorce. . . . .

People who have named a friend who has gotten divorced are 147% (95% C.I. 13% to 368%) more likely to get divorced themselves by the time they come to their next exam. Among friends, we can distinguish additional possibilities. Since each person was asked to name a friend, and not all of these nominations were reciprocated, we have ego-perceived friends (denoted here as “friends”) and “alter-perceived friends” (the alter named the ego as a friend, but not vice versa). We find that the influence of alter-perceived friends is not significant (the estimate is 23%, C.I. –53% to 165%). If the associations in the social network were merely due to shared experience, the significance and effect sizes for different types of friendships should be similar. That is, if some third factor were explaining both ego and alter divorce decisions, it should not respect the directionality of the friendship tie.

We also find significant effects for other kinds of alters. People with a divorced sibling are 22% (95% C.I. 0.1% to 45%) more likely to get divorced by the next exam than those without a divorced sibling. And while neighbors who live within 25 meters do not appear to affect each other (23%, C.I. –18% to 77%), we do find a significant association among co-workers at small firms (defined as those where 10 or fewer FHS participants work). People with a divorced co-worker are 55% more likely to get divorced at the next exam (C.I. 2% to 126%) than those with a non-divorced co-worker. . . . .

We wondered whether children would have a protective effect by encouraging couples who would otherwise get divorced to stay together for the sake of raising their children, or to provide a self conscious role model against their children’s future prospects for divorce. As noted earlier, most literature and cross-sectional data suggests that children reduce the likelihood of divorce slightly, although childlessness, and especially infertility, can also sometimes precipitate divorce. In Table 6, we study the relationship between number of children and divorce and we find no such effect; in fact, the main effect of children on divorce is slightly positive, albeit not significant at conventional levels (p=0.13). However, we also include an interaction between the alter’s divorce status and ego’s number of children and we find that each additional child significantly (p=0.05) reduces the effect of alter’s divorce status on ego’s likelihood of getting divorced. For couples with no children the effect is much stronger than average—an alter who is divorced nearly sextuples the risk of divorce in the ego (593%, C.I.106% to 1593%). But by the time a person has a third child, the effect of alter’s divorce status becomes insignificant (84%, C.I. –33% to 306%) and by the fifth child it completely vanishes (–4%, C.I. –86% to 233%). These results suggest that the protective effect of children acts specifically on a parent’s susceptibility to influence by peers who have gotten divorced.
​

 

[boedicca]

Life is short, why spend all that time figuring out women? Find one you like and settle down, it works or it doesn't.

The problem is that the break up usually results in financial ruin for the man.
If I were engaged to be married, I would 100% without any doubt have a prenuptial agreement drawn up. That will state each party gets what they came into the marriage with and all other marital assets are split based on the percentage of income earned by each spouse during the marriage.
I have seen too many guys bust their asses to build a nice home for their family and then some bloodsucking attorney gets a judge to allow the woman to take free and clear possession of the house and the guy has to suffer the indignity of paying for it.

I'm on marriage number two. Prenups are for hedgers, wrong attitude in my opinion.

Agreed. One should be "all in" in a marriage, or why bother?

Because it's like playing Russian Roulette with three in the cylinder. Any man who marries WITHOUT a prenup probably needs his head examined.

You're assuming the man has more income and assets, which isn't always the case.

 

[SmarterThanTheAverageBear]

Life is short, why spend all that time figuring out women? Find one you like and settle down, it works or it doesn't.

The problem is that the break up usually results in financial ruin for the man.
If I were engaged to be married, I would 100% without any doubt have a prenuptial agreement drawn up. That will state each party gets what they came into the marriage with and all other marital assets are split based on the percentage of income earned by each spouse during the marriage.
I have seen too many guys bust their asses to build a nice home for their family and then some bloodsucking attorney gets a judge to allow the woman to take free and clear possession of the house and the guy has to suffer the indignity of paying for it.

I'm on marriage number two. Prenups are for hedgers, wrong attitude in my opinion.

Agreed. One should be "all in" in a marriage, or why bother?

Because it's like playing Russian Roulette with three in the cylinder. Any man who marries WITHOUT a prenup probably needs his head examined.

You're assuming the man has more income and assets, which isn't always the case.

Even the person who has LESS assets is smart to get a prenup. Well, assuming that prenup is fair of course. Relying on the generosity of an ex or the whims of a court is silly.

 

[whitehall]

Who did they send their "mail survey" to... each other? What woman in her right mind would take the time to respond to a survey by mail that asks her personal questions about her fantasy life? This is crazy stuff.

 

[boedicca]

Who did they send their "mail survey" to... each other? What woman in her right mind would take the time to respond to a survey by mail that asks her personal questions about her fantasy life? This is crazy stuff.

Indeed. I would never respond to a survey like this one.

 

[thereisnospoon]

Life is short, why spend all that time figuring out women? Find one you like and settle down, it works or it doesn't.

The problem is that the break up usually results in financial ruin for the man.
If I were engaged to be married, I would 100% without any doubt have a prenuptial agreement drawn up. That will state each party gets what they came into the marriage with and all other marital assets are split based on the percentage of income earned by each spouse during the marriage.
I have seen too many guys bust their asses to build a nice home for their family and then some bloodsucking attorney gets a judge to allow the woman to take free and clear possession of the house and the guy has to suffer the indignity of paying for it.

I'm on marriage number two. Prenups are for hedgers, wrong attitude in my opinion.

Agreed. One should be "all in" in a marriage, or why bother?

Because it's like playing Russian Roulette with three in the cylinder. Any man who marries WITHOUT a prenup probably needs his head examined.

You're assuming the man has more income and assets, which isn't always the case.

Not always...Usually

 

[thereisnospoon]

Guys can't handle life alone. Women can and do

This is because men concentrate their emotional lives onto their wives while women have pretty broad networks of friends into which they can reach for emotional support. When a split happens, for women the loss of husband is simply the loss of one node in the emotional network whereas for men it's the whole network failing.

Another way to look at this is that men are more committed, they put all their emotional eggs into one basket.

Men should never allow their wives to associate with single or especially divorced women.

As if he'd have a say in it.

all I would have to say is "if you hang out with those people, I will be disappointed."
Any reasonable adult with a decent amount of intelligence would understand the message.
And any spouse with a modicum of respect for their spouse would refrain from such associations.

 

[Yarddog]

Funny. Women complain a lot about men who won't commit but once men get married it seems like it's women who have a problem staying committed - over 70% of divorces are initiated by women and now we find out that 50% already have a back-up husband in mind. Yowza!

According to a recent Mail survey of 1000 married ladies, half of all women have a backup husband in mind should their current one break during use. Or, you know, should the marriage not work out for whatever reason.

Some truly prepared wives may even have more than one backup in mind just in case. The survey also shows that a wife’s spousal-understudy is most likely to be either an ex or an old friend who has always had unrequited feelings for her. The most likely backup husband was a man the woman had known “for around seven years who will be ‘ready and waiting’ because of ‘unfinished business.’” Even more telling, around one in ten women said their backup was a man who had already “confessed his undying love,” while one in five women were confident the backup guy would “drop everything for her if she asked him too.”

Being prepared is one thing, but one in four women also reported having feelings for their backup man “as strong as they do for their other half.” That’s perhaps a step beyond prepared.

While living with a few necessary safeguards in place is always advisable, the concept of having a backup spouse in mind in case things don’t work out undermines your present relationship in more ways then one. The energy you spend keeping one eye on your plan b or obsessing over “what if” end of relationship scenarios is much better spent focusing on making your marriage work and keeping communication open and consistent. (The same goes for any guys with “backup wives,” too.) The concept of preparing for an imagined worst case takes you as far out of the present as possible. Living with a backup spouse in mind is like boarding a vacation cruise wearing a life jacket for the duration of the trip. It’s excessive behavior that grimly reminds you and those around you that there is a chance things may not go well.​

I think its an instinctive thing , kind of like a survival of the species mechanism. Probably just a subconcious thing.

 

[thereisnospoon]

My back up husband is Han Solo, but sadly he got too old.

My God went and seen Expendables 3 and Harrison Ford looked like he was 80 years old.

Harrison Ford is 72 yrs old

 

[thereisnospoon]

Women's expectations about relationships are generally unrealistic. Hence, the reason why over 70% of divorces are initiated by women.

Men want occasional sex and a companion.

If anyone knows what the average woman wants please clarify. There is no such animal.

That is SO true. And to make matters worse, men are expected to be able to read the mind of their wife/significant other.
How many times have we heard from a woman, "well if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you"....When the wife an I were dating she would pull that shit on me.
I just told her it's never going to happen. So if she wanted something, she'd have to open her mouth and tell me. Been married 28 years. To HER.
See how this works...A few conditions and ground rules and ten gallon hatload of understanding and compromise....Works like a charm.

 

[thereisnospoon]

Guys can't handle life alone. Women can and do

This is because men concentrate their emotional lives onto their wives while women have pretty broad networks of friends into which they can reach for emotional support. When a split happens, for women the loss of husband is simply the loss of one node in the emotional network whereas for men it's the whole network failing.

Another way to look at this is that men are more committed, they put all their emotional eggs into one basket.

Men should never allow their wives to associate with single or especially divorced women.

Why?

Because the men want to get there first?

No way......Divorced women tend to be angry and hate men. I see nothing good coming from an association between a married woman and her divorced friend(s)...
They talk.
As for myself? Now what the hell would I want with a friendship with a bunch of cackling hens?