Girls Are Mean. Researches Have Discovered...

[Trigg]

I wouldn't go back to highschool either, even though I was probably one of the meanest!

You were one of THEM

I was the shy one, trying not to get noticed by the mean ones.

 

[Annie]

I wouldn't go back to highschool either, even though I was probably one of the meanest!

Have to agree with ya, though by then end of HS, gave up caring to be mean. Funny thing is, a lot of it is to cut boredom! (How many chickens can one get running around?) I don't know why girls do this...

 

[Said1]

You were one of THEM

I was the shy one, trying not to get noticed by the mean ones.

I didn't randomly pick on dorks or anything, but my friends did. I spent my efforts picking on cheerleaders, student council reps and most jocks. The dorks were usually pretty funny, which was a plus in my book.

 

[Said1]

Have to agree with ya, though by then end of HS, gave up caring to be mean. Funny thing is, a lot of it is to cut boredom! (How many chickens can one get running around?) I don't know why girls do this...

Oh for sure, by grade 10, it became pretty boring, but by then the pecking order was set in stone. Teachers became my targets later on.

 

[Hobbit]

Ugh, missed my chance to post as I went, so now, for another, monster-sized, "what I think" post.

Mean girls: I couldn't stand these girls and they couldn't stand me. I never understood how they got popular and finally concluded that all the mean girls would get together and compare portfolios of broken hearts, people on leashes, roadies, and cronies, then try to steal them from each other or even add each other to the list. Fortunately, I made lots of female friends. Some, I met through my sister. Others, I made friends with because they knew I was a gentleman, shy, and thus, would actually be able to carry on a platonic relationship, or at least request the move to a romantic relationship more politely and with a friendship as a fallback, rather than the normal guy move of severing all ties with anybody who lets me down. Anyway, with this network of females who genuinely cared for me, the mean girls were blocked by their attemps to manipulate me, so I never fell into their traps.

In high school, their boyfriends would try to beat me up, and while they technically succeeded, I'd always send them back bloody. I was a swimmer and a soccer player and could kick hard enough to break legs and ribs (I can still leg press 4 times my body weight and kick a soccer ball most of the length of a regulation field before it hits the ground). Good thing for them I held back. A couple of them tried to date me, but their attempts would be blocked, either by my friends or by my higher standards and hesitant relationship stance. Some of them, frustrated with their failure, tried to spread around about how they did date me, but I wasn't pleasing them in the sack, so they just left me high and dry. The rumors never caught on because everyone knew that even supermodels, porn stars, and the hottest actresses in Hollywood would have to commit rape to get me to have sex before the honeymoon.

In college, I have always been an enigma to them because I see them for who they truly are. The primary points they don't understand are that a) I won't date them because they only want something through which to manipulate me. I doesn't matter how hot and easy they are because I won't have sex, and b) their friendship holds no value and threatening to withold it won't phase me.

Relationships: Especially recently, having been turned down by the girl I would have gone to the ends of the Earth for (we're still friends and there's still potential, but I've given up to keep from being depressed), I have been wondering why I've been on this planet 22 years without finding so much as a short term, relationship didn't go anywhere, girlfriend. However, my droves of female friends have assured me that it's better this way, because, with how reserved I am, I'll probably marry the first person I actually date, saving me the heartache of bad relationships and their ends. The stories I get from guys lead me to the same conclusion. Some of them are even jealous, since they haven't saved much other than sex for their marriage, whereas I still have everything. The following is my dating policy and has led to both the ups and downs of my non-existant dating life:

Prereqs: There are certain things I MUST know about a girl before I'll even consider going on a date with her. She has to have a relationship with God, which means more than going to church, knowing a few verses, and claiming the "Christian" label. She has to at least be accepting of my denominational beliefs (Assembly of God) and believe that they *could* be true. She cannot be one of the mean girls described above. She has to either still be a virgin or have taken a vow of abstinence before God since the last time she had sex, and meant it (I'll know), and (this isn't something I should be running into a lot at 22, but who knows) she cannot be divorced. Jesus considered it a sin to marry a divorcee, and so must I, though widows are not off limits. She also cannot be strongly, politically liberal. That may sound petty, but it'll save a lot of arguments. I also have to know who she last dated (if she's ever had a boyfriend) and why they broke up.

Sink my ship: First, I'll explain the analogy. My life is a ship. A lot of people get onto my ship. Family are stuck there. Some friends come and go. Some come to stay. Whoever they are, they all carry baggage with them. Some of it's good, and some bad. Some baggage, however, will sink my ship if left on there too long, so I have to limit my exposure, at least one on one, with these people until I can convince them to dump that baggage. Now, one day, a very special girl will walk the gangplank onto my ship and will never leave. She will be living on my ship until one of us dies. Therefore, the "baggage" screening process must be very strict in order to keep her from sinking my ship. These are not things that I must find out before dating a girl, but if they should surface, I will immediately break up with her. Some of the things that sink my ship are: A desire to have no kids, a desire to have more than 4 kids (and 4 is pushing it), a view that neither one of us should stay home to raise the kids until they're in school all day, a belief that "once saved, always saved," a belief that spanking is wrong, and many other examples too numerous to list here. Basically, I'll break up with her if, at any time, I can't see myself marrying her.

Boundaries: I have strict, physical boundaries, that I've set after reaching maturity and seeing how other people's relationships were. There will be nothing in any of my romantic relationships that typically lead to sex. No petting, no time alone in one person's room unless the door is open, etc. In fact, after seeing how well it worked for one of my best friends, I'm going to place the kissing boudary at the place where the preacher says to. As far as emotional boundaries, I intend to move slowly, but they must all be crossed before marriage.

Now, thanks to this strict regimin and my own incredible shyness with the fairer sex, I have yet to be on a date and that sometimes depresses me, but when I see some of the alternatives, I'm glad for that.

Now, last but not least, the feminist movement and its blight on society.

What pop culture wants you to like:

Men: They want you to like strong, independant women who have great personalities, no matter what they look like. They want you to like women who will sacrifice for career, don't stay at home all day, and are as likely to take a business trip as you are.

Women: They want you to like spineless, oversensitive, romantics who will let you take your "rightful role" as leader. They want you to marry men who can read your mind, know the color fuschia when they see it, and shave more than their faces. They want you to marry men who will sacrifice their career for yours. In short, they want you to marry women in men's bodies.

Whay you really want:

Men: You want a good looking woman (realistically. She doesn't have to look like Eva Longoria) who loves and respect you. You want to be able to at least pretend to take charge, even if you're not sure what you're doing. You want a woman who will share all the good and bad times with, who will comfort you after bad days as you comfort her. You want a woman who realizes that there are things, like football and Halo, that you do with friends and that these times are the appropriate times to get out of the house and do something fun with the girls. In all reality, you probably want a woman who is willing to take a couple of years off work to raise kids, but many would take the sacrifice, instead, if her career is more lucrative. Being able to cook and clean really well doesn't hurt, either.

Women: I'm going to list a few things I've heard, but I realize that I'll never understand women, so I'll keep it brief and leave room for the women of the board to add on. Keep in mind, I'm only repeating what I've heard out of the mouths of actual women. Most women want someone who's willing to watch after them. They want a man who can make ends meet, protect her, and provide for her and her children. They want a man who respects her privacy, but is willing to probe long enough to find out how she really feels. While some my not know it, most like guys who do guy things, like live outdoors for one weekend, play sports, and many other energetic activities. Now, this is, of course, with the proviso that he understands that she is the most important thing in his life. From what I understand, women like guys who are actually guys, provided they give a little back to her.

The male ego: The male ego is a strange thing that must be experienced to be understood, but it is there for a reason. There are certain things a man must do or must not do to retain his masculinity in his own eyes. This is why men deliberately do things that stand a good chance to injure them, and why they won't hold your purse. The boundaries are strange, but not too hard to find. There's also a private, public boundary. Men will change diapers in the house as long as you don't have company, but never in public. Men will help you clean and decorate, as long as you take all the credit for the less manly jobs. It's a myth that men won't help with the house chores. You just have to choose the right ones. He will not dust the bathroom most of the time, but ask for the living room. I know it doesn't make sense, seeing as how the living room's bigger, but you'll understand when you see how carefully he dusts the television, VCR, and other electronics. It's a strange set of boundaries that form the male ego, but just probe around until you find them. On a final note, giving out orders around the guys is bad. Even if you're not really being dominant, *telling* him what to do will cause the other guys to tease him about being "whipped." Also, don't blame him if he does you a few less favors around the guys for the same reason. If you must remind him of chores or other tasks, instead take the tone of asking him. He knows he can't get away with saying no, but it makes it look like he can.

The female psyche: All I've really figured out is that most of the time they're upset about something and half the time they're mad at you, but they won't tell you why (usually by pretending they're not mad/upset), they just want you to probe them to find out why, since it shows that you care about their problems. If that's not the case, just give them room to cool off. They'll tell you eventually. In the meantime, think up good apologies and condolences as well as go over what's happened recently to see if you can figure it out.

Whew! Long post, but I think it's worth it.

 

[Trinity]

Your 22?

My god that has got to be the most logical thinking I have ever heard from a 22 year old! Stick to your guns you'll find her!

 

[Nienna]

Sheesh, Hobbit! Who's your momma? And does she give lessons?

 

[Hobbit]

Half that stuff I learned in Chi Alpha, a college campus Christian organization, but since my mom recommended them to me, I guess she gets full credit. Our campus pastor is, as he would put it, "really cool." Check us out at www.xaua.com.

Oh, and for those of you who want to see what I look like, I think the best picture of me on that site is here. I'm the guy in the foreground, sitting next to the girl in orange. The one in the dark blue blazer wearing a green and blue tie.