Difference between NCOs and officers

[Colin]

A young Royal Marine officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade,
but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears which were
amputated. Since his hearing wasn't impaired he remained in the Corps.
Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of major general. He was,
however, very sensitive about his appearance.

One day the general was interviewing three prospects
for his headquarters staff.

The first was an Army aviator captain, and it was a great interview.
At the end of the interview the general asked him, "Do you notice
anything different about me?"

The young officer answered, "Why, yes, Sir, I couldn't help but
notice that you have no ears."

The general got very angry at his lack of tact and threw him
out.

The second interview was with a logistics Lieutenant, and he was
even better. The general then asked him the same question,
"Do you notice anything different about me?"

He replied sheepishly, "Well, Sir, you have no ears."

The general, now really pissed, threw him out also.

The third interview was with a Parachute Regiment colour sergeant,
an infantryman and Staff NCO. He was articulate, looked extremely
sharp and seemed to know more than the two officers combined.
The general wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question,
"Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise the sergeant said, "Yes, Sir, you wear contact
lenses."

The general was very impressed and thought, what an incredibly
observant NCO, and he didn't mention my ears. "And how do you
know that I wear contacts?" the General asked.

"Well, Sir," the colour sergeant replied, "It’s pretty hard to wear glasses
with no fuckin' ears."

 

[daveman]

 

[Granny]

I'll have to pass this one on to my son!

 

[Colin]

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has levelled off, the man in the window
seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Admiral, Royal Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
lipped smile, "Admiral, United Kingdom Coastguard, retired.
Married, two sons, both Judges."

After some thought, the fellow in the centre seat decides to introduce
himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Sergeant Major,
Parachute Regiment, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.

 

[Big Black Dog]

If you were close by, I'd buy you a couple of beers for this one... Great joke.

 

[Colin]

If you were close by, I'd buy you a couple of beers for this one... Great joke.

Wrap 'em up and mail 'em, you tight bastard!

 

[JWBooth]

Well done. Both of 'em were great.