Statistikhengst
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Yo, Cheersers!!!
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Cheers!
- Thread starter Statistikhengst
- Start date
Dot Com
Nullius in verba
just had a belt of sarsaparilla
Mertex
Cat Lady =^..^=
- Apr 27, 2013
- 26,532
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Well here's a blond joke.
Best Buy was having a fatastic sale, so Blonde walks in and tells one of the salesmen, "I want to buy this TV"...to which the salesman responded..."Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
Damn, said the blonde under her breath, walks out, goes home, dyes her hair black and comes back immediately to the store. "I want to buy this TV" she tells the same salesman, to which he replied again, "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes".
Frustrated but not willing to give up, she goes home, tries a complete make-over, complete with hair cut and new makeup....waits a few days hoping salesman doesn't recognize her and goes back to the store.
She finds the salesman and again tells him "I want to buy that TV" ....to which he again replied "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes". Angrily she asked him, "how can you tell that I'm a blond?"
"Because that happens to be a microwave"!
Best Buy was having a fatastic sale, so Blonde walks in and tells one of the salesmen, "I want to buy this TV"...to which the salesman responded..."Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
Damn, said the blonde under her breath, walks out, goes home, dyes her hair black and comes back immediately to the store. "I want to buy this TV" she tells the same salesman, to which he replied again, "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes".
Frustrated but not willing to give up, she goes home, tries a complete make-over, complete with hair cut and new makeup....waits a few days hoping salesman doesn't recognize her and goes back to the store.
She finds the salesman and again tells him "I want to buy that TV" ....to which he again replied "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes". Angrily she asked him, "how can you tell that I'm a blond?"
"Because that happens to be a microwave"!
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
- Banned
- #3,165
Well here's a blond joke.
Best Buy was having a fatastic sale, so Blonde walks in and tells one of the salesmen, "I want to buy this TV"...to which the salesman responded..."Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
Damn, said the blonde under her breath, walks out, goes home, dyes her hair black and comes back immediately to the store. "I want to buy this TV" she tells the same salesman, to which he replied again, "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes".
Frustrated but not willing to give up, she goes home, tries a complete make-over, complete with hair cut and new makeup....waits a few days hoping salesman doesn't recognize her and goes back to the store.
She finds the salesman and again tells him "I want to buy that TV" ....to which he again replied "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes". Angrily she asked him, "how can you tell that I'm a blond?"
"Because that happens to be a microwave"!
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
- Banned
- #3,166
IN the spirit of joke-telling:
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
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- #3,167
Ruh-roh:
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
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- #3,168
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
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- #3,169
What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
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- #3,170
Why is a viola solo like a bomb?
By the time you hear it, it's too late to do anything about it.
By the time you hear it, it's too late to do anything about it.
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What is the range of a Viola?
As far as you can kick it.
What do a SCUD missile and a viola player have in common?
They're both offensive and inaccurate.
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What is the range of a Viola?
As far as you can kick it.
What do a SCUD missile and a viola player have in common?
They're both offensive and inaccurate.
I'm not a drinker but friends and family around here are drinking this recently:
Moscow Mule
1.5 Oz. Smirnoff No. 21 Vodka
4 Oz Ginger Beer
Fresh lime
Serve in a copper mug.
MOSCOW MULE with SMIRNOFF NO.21 Vodka Classic Recipe Smirnoff
Moscow Mule
1.5 Oz. Smirnoff No. 21 Vodka
4 Oz Ginger Beer
Fresh lime
Serve in a copper mug.
MOSCOW MULE with SMIRNOFF NO.21 Vodka Classic Recipe Smirnoff
Dot Com
Nullius in verba
just got back from the office and am enjoying a rye whiskey 
LoneLaugher
Diamond Member
OK.
My son.....a 26 year old police officer who.....to my great disappointment....is mechanically uninterested.......told my wife that he wants TOOLS for Christmas.
You cannot know how this news made me feel.
There is a Northern Tool store in my area. I went there today.
Have you ever seen a shopping cart FILLED with hand tools? Well.....now I have. It's almost as beautiful as Mertex's avatar.
I am now $429 poorer. But I might be the proudest father in America.
The most difficult thing will be giving all of it to him. I might stuff my own stocking with a vice grip or something.
Merry X-mas!!
My son.....a 26 year old police officer who.....to my great disappointment....is mechanically uninterested.......told my wife that he wants TOOLS for Christmas.
You cannot know how this news made me feel.
There is a Northern Tool store in my area. I went there today.
Have you ever seen a shopping cart FILLED with hand tools? Well.....now I have. It's almost as beautiful as Mertex's avatar.
I am now $429 poorer. But I might be the proudest father in America.
The most difficult thing will be giving all of it to him. I might stuff my own stocking with a vice grip or something.
Merry X-mas!!
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
- Banned
- #3,175
OK.
My son.....a 26 year old police officer who.....to my great disappointment....is mechanically uninterested.......told my wife that he wants TOOLS for Christmas.
You cannot know how this news made me feel.
There is a Northern Tool store in my area. I went there today.
Have you ever seen a shopping cart FILLED with hand tools? Well.....now I have. It's almost as beautiful as Mertex's avatar.
I am now $429 poorer. But I might be the proudest father in America.
The most difficult thing will be giving all of it to him. I might stuff my own stocking with a vice grip or something.
Merry X-mas!!
LOL!
Great story.
And may I congratulate you on your most excellent avatar. I only wish those two babes were just tad bit more naked.
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
- Banned
- #3,176
Time to spruce up the bar for the coming holidays.
My, that is one big, long candy cane. Had not idea they made 'em that big. Hmmmm...
My, that is one big, long candy cane. Had not idea they made 'em that big. Hmmmm...
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
- Banned
- #3,177
And our new barmaid, "Elfie":
She will be an excellent barmaid. I tested her out personally. With her hands, she can shake a mean drink and really get those liquids to flow.
You get 'em, Elfie!
She will be an excellent barmaid. I tested her out personally. With her hands, she can shake a mean drink and really get those liquids to flow.
You get 'em, Elfie!
Dot Com
Nullius in verba
just knocked back a sarsaparilla.
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
- Banned
- #3,179
Die Elfie mix it for you?
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
- Banned
- #3,180
IN the spirt of learning about the fairer sex:
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