Attraction question

[Joz]

....
My husband and I are opposites and it works great for us. I am very shy around new people and tend to not talk. My husband can talk to ANYONE. If we were both like me we'd never make new friends. He's very outgoing.....

Same here. Mm is VERY outgoing when he is in the public eye. Not a stranger among us. Which also can cause some problems. People think they know Mm & readily voice their opinion on his life, relationships, etc., as tho' they are privileged confidants. I tend to hang back, tho' never unfriendly. This works well for us, except for that one 'chippy' who doesn't quite grasp or ignores who I am.
But on a personal level Mm is very reserved as am I. When I first met him, I couldn't understand why he was so friendly with other people (public) and didn't treat me the same. I figured I rankled him someway and chalked it up as he just didn't like me.
So much to risk when you show someone the real, human you.

 

[Bonnie]

Same here. Mm is VERY outgoing when he is in the public eye. Not a stranger among us. Which also can cause some problems. People think they know Mm & readily voice their opinion on his life, relationships, etc., as tho' they are privileged confidants. I tend to hang back, tho' never unfriendly. This works well for us, except for that one 'chippy' who doesn't quite grasp or ignores who I am.
But on a personal level Mm is very reserved as am I. When I first met him, I couldn't understand why he was so friendly with other people (public) and didn't treat me the same. I figured I rankled him someway and chalked it up as he just didn't like me.
So much to risk when you show someone the real, human you.

That's interesting. My cousin's husband is very reserved and shy even at family gatherings, but when he is on stage performing, he's a different person, very animated.

 

[007]

Do opposites attract, or is it compatability?

Is it a bit of both??

If someone would stick by me and do little favors like hand me wrenches when I work on something, that would be patience and giving. I'd like that and I'd reciprocate. But if they did that AND were genuinely interested, then I'd be head over heals in love, and that's compatible.

There's deffinitely that pyhsical attraction to someone, and opposite or not, that happens. But then you have to spend time with that person, and for me, even if I was physically attracted to someone, if they were too different, it wouldn't work. Sure, little things wouldn't really matter. Like different tastes in food, or likes different music, or likes to sleep in the nude. Those really wouldn't make much difference. But big things, like religon, politics, morals, upbringing, character, work ethics, etc., those would have to be alike for me, for it to work.

 

[Bonnie]

If someone would stick by me and do little favors like hand me wrenches when I work on something, that would be patience and giving. I'd like that and I'd reciprocate. But if they did that AND were genuinely interested, then I'd be head over heals in love, and that's compatible.

There's deffinitely that pyhsical attraction to someone, and opposite or not, that happens. But then you have to spend time with that person, and for me, even if I was physically attracted to someone, if they were too different, it wouldn't work. Sure, little things wouldn't really matter. Like different tastes in food, or likes different music, or likes to sleep in the nude. Those really wouldn't make much difference. But big things, like religon, politics, morals, upbringing, character, work ethics, etc., those would have to be alike for me, for it to work.

I think your right, little differences can be worked out thru compromise, but the big deal breakers like morality, and character differences are tough.

 

[007]

I think your right, little differences can be worked out thru compromise, but the big deal breakers like morality, and character differences are tough.

... and no one should have to work that hard at a relationship. I don't think a couple should "fight" that often, if ever. I think that if you're meant to be together, it should be pretty blissful.

I'm still waiting...

 

[Bonnie]

... and no one should have to work that hard at a relationship. I don't think a couple should "fight" that often, if ever. I think that if you're meant to be together, it should be pretty blissful.

I'm still waiting...

Absolutely.. Love should easy!!

 

[Nienna]

Just out of curiosity, what do you mean by that?

I'm thinking two differnt things (not bad ) but just want clarification before continuing.

For example, my mom would never clean the house simply to get it clean. She would clean the house bc my dad told her to, or bc company was coming, or bc she wanted the kids to live in a healthy environment. If left by herself (as she is now), the house would rarely be cleaned.

She does things to make other people feel good, or to make them think well of her, not to get the actual thing done.

 

[007]

Absolutely.. Love should be easy!!

That's what I'm talking about.

 

[Joz]

I think your right, little differences can be worked out thru compromise, but the big deal breakers like morality, and character differences are tough.

I agree with you & Pale. Big things need to be agreed upon. But I was once told that it's the little things that erode a relationship. You know whether you squeeze the toothpaste in the middle that drives the end squeezer crazy. Or the toilet paper with the sheets coming out from under the roll instead of over. Or the person that is always late. Or the procrastinater.

I had a friend whose one bandmember was always late. So they told him setup time was an hour earlier so he'd get there when the other musicians arrived. He really got mad. But he was never on time otherwise. And this is just a band. What if it were a marriage?

 

[007]

I agree with you & Pale. Big things need to be agreed upon. But I was once told that it's the little things that erode a relationship. You know whether you squeeze the toothpaste in the middle that drives the end squeezer crazy. Or the toilet paper with the sheets coming out from under the roll instead of over. Or the person that is always late. Or the procrastinater.

I had a friend whose one bandmember was always late. So they told him setup time was an hour earlier so he'd get there when the other musicians arrived. He really got mad. But he was never on time otherwise. And this is just a band. What if it were a marriage?

Being late is a character flaw. That's a big one. That person probably has more bad things going on than just being late.

 

[Nienna]

Absolutely.. Love should easy!!

=Pale Rider]... and no one should have to work that hard at a relationship. I don't think a couple should "fight" that often, if ever. I think that if you're meant to be together, it should be pretty blissful.

Love shouldd be easy, but it isn't, not for the long haul. There are always problems, always times when people are selfish. Real love is sticking it out, even when the feelings aren't there (I'm not talking about abusive situations; I'm talking about people who say they just aren't "in love" any more). If two people can stick it out, work for each other's benefit, ACT in a loving manner toward each other, dead feelings can be resurrected, along with deeper trust and gratitude for weathering the storms of life.

 

[Nienna]

I agree with you & Pale. Big things need to be agreed upon. But I was once told that it's the little things that erode a relationship. You know whether you squeeze the toothpaste in the middle that drives the end squeezer crazy. Or the toilet paper with the sheets coming out from under the roll instead of over. Or the person that is always late. Or the procrastinater.

I had a friend whose one bandmember was always late. So they told him setup time was an hour earlier so he'd get there when the other musicians arrived. He really got mad. But he was never on time otherwise. And this is just a band. What if it were a marriage?

I don't think it's the little things; I think it's what's UNDER the little things. Like, it might be annoying that my husband always puts the toilet paper roll under instead of over when he replaces it. That's annoying to me, but I am grateful that I have a husband who is willing to replace the tp, so there is no built-up resentment. If I thought he was doing it on purpose to annoy me, or if I asked him over & over to put it on the "right" way and I felt like he wasn't listening to me or respecting me, that would erode the relationship. It wouldn't be about the tp; it would be about the respect & communication.

 

[007]

Love shouldd be easy, but it isn't, not for the long haul. There are always problems, always times when people are selfish. Real love is sticking it out, even when the feelings aren't there (I'm not talking about abusive situations; I'm talking about people who say they just aren't "in love" any more). If two people can stick it out, work for each other's benefit, ACT in a loving manner toward each other, dead feelings can be resurrected, along with deeper trust and gratitude for weathering the storms of life.

I just have to respectfully disagree with you here mom. If I wasn't "in love" with my spouse, had I fallen "out of love" with her, then I'm getting a divorce. Love shouldn't mean you're shackled to someone just for the benefit of it. That's just not right. You might as well be not married and co-habitating like too many young people do.

I still believe it's possible for two people to be perfectly matched and meant for each other, and never spend a day of their life not loving the other. Call me a hopeless romantic, but that's what I believe.

 

[Bonnie]

Love shouldd be easy, but it isn't, not for the long haul. There are always problems, always times when people are selfish. Real love is sticking it out, even when the feelings aren't there (I'm not talking about abusive situations; I'm talking about people who say they just aren't "in love" any more). If two people can stick it out, work for each other's benefit, ACT in a loving manner toward each other, dead feelings can be resurrected, along with deeper trust and gratitude for weathering the storms of life.

Your right...
I should have been more specific, what I meant was love is easy, relationships take work.

 

[Nienna]

I just have to respectfully disagree with you here mom. If I wasn't "in love" with my spouse, had I fallen "out of love" with them, then I'm getting a divorce. Love shouldn't mean you're shackled to someone just for the benefit of it. That's just not right. You might as well be not married and co-habitating like too many young people do.

I still believe it's possible for two people to be perfectly matched and meant for each other, and never spend a day of their life not loving the other. Call me a hopeless romantic, but that's what I believe.

You make me want to give you a great big hug, Pale. I'm pretty romantic, myself. I certainly believe that some people are more suited for each other than others, that there is one person out there who is best suited for each individual.

But I also believe that, once someone makes the choice to marry, she should honor her committment (as long as the situation isn't abusive). Especially if there are children involved.

Otherwise, every rough patch would end in divorce. There are times when the feelings fade, or go away all together. But, if the people involved act with unselfishness and good will, it should inspire gratitude and caring; these feelings can reignite passionate, tender feelings which were thought to be lost forever.

I'm not trying to put down your opinion, Pale. My heart agrees with you wholly. But my head just won't allow for it to stand.

The story of my life: My Heart :bangheads My Head

 

[Said1]

For example, my mom would never clean the house simply to get it clean. She would clean the house bc my dad told her to, or bc company was coming, or bc she wanted the kids to live in a healthy environment. If left by herself (as she is now), the house would rarely be cleaned.

She does things to make other people feel good, or to make them think well of her, not to get the actual thing done.

Ok, I see what you mean.

I guess we're all kind of guilty of that now and again.

 

[rtwngAvngr]

This works well for us, except for that one 'chippy' who doesn't quite grasp or ignores who I am.

You just need to beat that ho down once and for all!

 

[Nienna]

You just need to beat that ho down once and for all!

You just want to see a chick fight!

 

[Nienna]

Ok, I see what you mean.

I guess we're all kind of guilty of that now and again.

I'm VERY guilty of that. Housecleaning is sooooo boring. Unfortunately, it's my husband's love language.

 

[Abbey Normal]

... People might consider themselves to be "opposites" based on a few personality attributes, when in reality, they have just as many similar attributes. They just may not notice the similarities as much.
...

You are right, Joz. I used to work with a man who I would have said was just about my exact opposite. We all took the Myers-Briggs personality test one time, and he and I scored almost identically. I was truly surprised. I guess underneath we weren't that far apart, but we had very different ways of expressing ourselves to the world.