Attraction question

[Abbey Normal]

Hey kathianne who's your new friend??

Spring has definitely sprung.

 

[Abbey Normal]

Are you flirting with me? :

I may be a Yankee but I do have some of that gentile southern woman in me as well

Southern Jersey! Yea!!

 

[Hobbit]

Are you flirting with me? :

I may be a Yankee but I do have some of that gentile southern woman in me as well

Ok, now my interest is piqued. Gonna be near Atlanta anytime soon?

 

[Joz]

Do opposites attract, or is it compatability?

Is it a bit of both??

Saw an interesting expose on PBS regarding attraction done in very scientific terms to see exactly if any one thing was the real key to attraction. Anyway this particular study seemed to suggest it was compatability that attracted and it was also compatability that worked long term.

Well, initially, most times it's the appearance. Something that takes your breath away, makes you mildly smile, or something amuses you, like someone smeared in paint or garden dirt. One PBS special I saw said smell had something to do with attraction.
I have seen severe opposites together as well as people so alike you're not sure they're two seperate people. But they manage to make a go of their relationship. And even when two people are committed to make it work....sometimes it just doesn't. I do think a mix of likes & opposites are best. You just have to decide which ones work best with you.

 

[Nienna]

I think if you are similar in interests and values, opposite/complementary in personality, that makes the best mix for success. Like Clay said, it's very good to have a partner who fills the gaps in your own personality. Especially if you are rasing children. It provides a more balanced environment for them.

If you're talking about initial attraction, I think Joz is right; it's generally about looks at first. But people can get turned off really quickly if there isn't something other than looks to attract.

 

[Bonnie]

Southern Jersey! Yea!!

I grew up in Fla so I suppose a bit of that stayed with me :

 

[Bonnie]

opposites attract....but it gets dull.....


i married my best friend.....it is very hard work....she is just like me.....but with a great rack

Once again you have managed to compress a complex thought into 19 words including a crude euphamism about her chest.............. I love it!!

 

[Joz]

......Like Clay said, it's very good to have a partner who fills the gaps in your own personality......

What happens when a person doesn't think there's any gaps?

..... But people can get turned off really quickly if there isn't something other than looks to attract.

Too true. I've heard more men say this when dating a younger woman, "The sex is great but we have nothing to talk about when we're done." It's rarely more than just a fling.

 

[dilloduck]

I guess thats 50% better than "she was a total loser"

 

[Nienna]

What happens when a person doesn't think there's any gaps?

Any gaps in his own personality, or any gaps in his partner's?

 

[The ClayTaurus]

What happens when a person doesn't think there's any gaps?

Too true. I've heard more men say this when dating a younger woman, "The sex is great but we have nothing to talk about when we're done." It's rarely more than just a fling.

I submit that person would be difficult to get along with.

 

[Joz]

Any gaps in his own personality, or any gaps in his partner's?

I submit that person would be difficult to get along with.

I meant in themselves. People who behave like they have everything to give but need nothing in return. They're doing you a favor.

 

[Trigg]

I'm a little late to this thread, so hopefully it hasn't gone to far off topic.

My husband and I are opposites and it works great for us. I am very shy around new people and tend to not talk. My husband can talk to ANYONE. If we were both like me we'd never make new friends. He's very outgoing.

We're alike in other ways though like being punctual. If he was late all the time it would drive me nuts. :bangheads

 

[rtwngAvngr]

Gaps Filled: PM for details and rates.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

I meant in themselves. People who behave like they have everything to give but need nothing in return. They're doing you a favor.

And we should be so lucky

 

[Nienna]

I meant in themselves. People who behave like they have everything to give but need nothing in return. They're doing you a favor.

That person might probably tend to pick a mate who was very humble, maybe very admiring of him. TWO conceited people probably wouldn't last long together.

 

[Joz]

That person might probably tend to pick a mate who was very humble, maybe very admiring of him. TWO conceited people probably wouldn't last long together.

So then you think opposites would subconciously be chosen to fill in those gaps? That two people vying for attention (like actors) just wouldn't work?

 

[rtwngAvngr]

That person might probably tend to pick a mate who was very humble, maybe very admiring of him. TWO conceited people probably wouldn't last long together.

This is why Kathianne wouldn't marry me. I gave her a couple chances.

 

[Nienna]

So then you think opposites would subconciously be chosen to fill in those gaps? That two people vying for attention (like actors) just wouldn't work?

Yes, in some ways. I don't think we can pick just ONE characteristic, though. People might consider themselves to be "opposites" based on a few personality attributes, when in reality, they have just as many similar attributes. They just may not notice the similarities as much.

But EXTREME opposites might clash as much as people who are EXTREMELY similar, depending on the importance of the characteristic in an individual's self-image. For example, an extreme extrovert might not last long with an extreme introvert. The introvert would be thrust into uncomfortable situations by the extrovert's personality. But an extreme extrovert might do well with someone who loves people but who prefers not to be in the spotlight. There are gradations in personality characteristics.

And, as I said, certain characteristics might be more important to others or oneself. For example, my husband tends to be more goal-oriented, and I tend to be more relationship-oriented. My father was EXTREMELY driven, so I would have a hard time respecting a lazy man. It's important for me to have a man who has some ambition. But, at the same time, I can see that my father sacrificed relationships in order to meet his goals. My husband isn't SO driven. He admits that relationships are often more important than goals, even if his focus tends to be on the goal. He's a good complement to me in this respect: opposite, but not opposite extremes.

My parents, though had some problems. My mother had almost NO ambition. She is motivated almost SOLELY by relationships. So, my daddy had trouble respecting her, and she often felt alone & neglected by him. This is an example of how extreme opposites may not work out.

 

[Said1]

My parents, though had some problems. My mother had almost NO ambition. She is motivated almost SOLELY by relationships.

Just out of curiosity, what do you mean by that?

I'm thinking two differnt things (not bad ) but just want clarification before continuing.