An Inquiry into a Teleportation Device

northpolarbear

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Oct 3, 2015
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I am not a native English speaker for the record. This was hard for me language-wise. Although I like Caucasian girls (language can be overcome with love!) & don't like Asian girls. I entered a short story contest with it.

An Inquiry into a Teleportation Device


Dr. Bergman was a renowned scientist in the field of the Atomic Molecular Theory. He was nominated as a Nobel Prize candidate twice. Other than his full time job as a university professor, he had also been frequently invited for paid seminars throughout the last couple decades. There was no one else in the field who could challenge his greatness, or so it had seemed. As they said that genius often came with madness, it seemed that Dr. Bergman threw down his own status as a great scientist to a mere lunatic when he had announced that he was going to build a teleportation device like had seen from the famous movie “The Fly”.


Everybody called him crazy. Some even mocked him that genius & idiot were the same in principle. No matter. There was nothing they could do against a relentless Dr. Bergman neither legally nor morally. His Dean Dr. Norman tried to pressure Dr. Bergman to change his mind, but Dr. Norman just ended up getting criminally charged with a couple charges including harassment & the infringement of individual rights. After all, morally, Dr. Bergman had the rights to pursue what he wanted regardless of how dumb or crazy it might be, and the laws ensured his rights. Besides, Dr. Bergman was sure of himself. He considered himself a genius. If he spotted on some idea, regardless of the other people calling it dumb or crazy, he believed that he was right.


The team was set up pretty quickly. Everybody wanted an opportunity to work with Dr. Bergman. However, Dr. Bergman carefully glossed over the list of applicants. After all, he already had everything planned. Dr. Bergman preferred working alone, and he looked down on the other people. It is just that he couldn’t process all the engineering works alone with no choice but to work with more people. He just needed some working hands to follow his will without questions. He picked Dr. Joseph in electrical engineering at the University of California, Dr. Burley in mechanical engineering at the Harvard, Dr. Weiser in physics at the University of New York.


“I am not actually trying to build a teleportation per se. Not in the sense of moving materials over a distance. I just want to create the effect of having 2 giant capsules so that someone goes into 1 capsule to come out in the other one,” said Dr. Bergman. As the three chosen doctors sat at the table in the lab, Dr. Bergman started drawing diagrams on the blackboard.

“So, what is it that I am trying to do? I don’t want to be actually moving the materials over a distance. I just want to allure that effect. So, the entry capsule will analyze every single molecule in a human body then break them apart. In effect, the person inside the entry capsule will no longer be visible to human eyes but be merely a set of molecules. In the exit capsule, the molecular data will be transmitted. That capsule is going to already have all the materials required to build a human body down to water & salt. Then, it will just build a human body according to the blueprint sent from the entry capsule. As for the broken down set of molecules in the entry capsule, we will just air it out. So, technically, these teleportation capsules don’t really move a person across a distance. It just builds a person according to an analyzed blueprint. Everything will be intact: memory, abilities, whatever.”

Dr. Weiser raised his hand. “So, technically, it is not really the same person. It is more like creating a twin while the original person is… aired out in particles as you said.”

“That’s right,” nodded Dr. Bergman.

“Who would want that?” Frowned Dr. Joseph as he continued, “so, it is like you are getting killed while having your twin made. I mean, the idea is good for like objects like a book, but for living beings? I know I don’t want to be aired out!”

“Still, we don’t really have to use it. We can just build it for the sake of scientific achievement.” Dr. Burley pensively nodded. Dr. Bergman shrugged his shoulders.

“So, does that mean you are in?”

“Yes, we are in.”


The machines got built in a couple of months. Dr. Bergman had been designing the ideas for a couple years already. Also, the recruited team was excellent each in his own field. As Dr. Bergman finally gazed upon the finished built capsules, a glossy reflection passed over his eyes. An astonished Dr. Burley slipped a sigh.

“I never thought this was possible.”

“Well, you thought wrong, doctor. Not everyone can see what I can.” Dr. Bergman exalted in his triumph as he patted on Dr. Burley’s shoulder.

Dr. Weiser and Dr. Joseph placed a small cage on the table. A small screeching sound from inside the cage irritated the room. Dr. Weiser opened the cage and lifted up a white pale cat seemingly anticipating its upcoming fate from the humans surrounding it.

“We are ready for the trial experiment.”

“This is going to be a blast! We are making a history here!”

As Dr. Weiser shut the entry capsule closed after sending the cat in, Dr. Burley types a series of command inputs on his keyboard into the dark command prompt window on the computer. Soon, the capsules were turning and making dense whirling sound. Electric sparks and buzzes started winding up on the entry capsule.

“It is working!” exclaimed Dr. Bergman.

The process was taking hours. Dr. Joseph entered the lab with 4 cups of coffee.

“Here they are. Dr. Bergman. Did you want cream and 2 sugar or 1 sugar?”

Dr. Bergman scoffed with an annoyed frown. “Cream and 2 sugar. You can’t even remember what I told you 1 minute ago?”

Dr. Joseph felt offended, but he didn’t say anything. At that moment, the capsules stopped whirling. The exit capsule opened up with a cat scurrying out of there.

Dr. Bergman finished his coffee slowly as he let the sight deluge him the great sense of accomplishment. A fascinated Dr. Joseph mumbled, “we did it.”

“We? What we?” snapped Dr. Bergman in contempt. “I did it! It was my vision; I did all the work!”

The three doctors didn’t say anything. After all, Dr. Bergman did figure out all the important parts. The research would have made no difference in progress whether they were in the team or not. However, they couldn’t help but feel alienated.

Dr. Joseph lifted up the cat from the floor as he made the baby sound to the frightened cat. As they started shutting down the capsules, they could hear a weird scratching noise.

“Do you hear that?” asked Dr. Weiser. Dr. Joseph nodded slightly.

“Meow!”

Dr. Joseph scurried over to the entry capsule, and opened it up. There was the exact same cat inside the entry capsule as the one he is holding up right now.

“2 cats? Thought the originally was supposed to be disintegrated,” murmured an astonished Dr. Joseph. Dr. Bergman looked confused too.

“There must have been something wrong with programming.” Dr. Bergman shook his head.

“You want me to take a look at it?” Dr. Weiser asked, but Dr. Bergman said no.

“No, let’s just celebrate for a couple days. I am going to give you guys a break. I guess, if I want things done right, I gotta do it myself.”

The three doctors didn’t say anything but just left the room with the 2 cats. Dr. Bergman gave a blank stare at the entry capsule. In a moment, he turned back on the capsules.


Although Dr. Bergman had told them to take a couple days off, Dr. Joseph didn’t feel right leaving a programming bug. The next morning, he went back at the lab right away. As he was turning the door knob, he could hear people talking inside the room.

As Dr. Joseph stepped into the room, his jaw dropped from the shock and astonishment. There were dozens of Dr. Bergman working in the lab. One of them had a golden crown on. The golden crowned Dr. Bergman hollered over at Dr. Joseph.

“Hey, Dr. Joseph! I gave you a day off.”

Dr. Joseph’s voice trembled from the spurred panic. “What have you done?” This was unheard of! It was crazy! Dr. Joseph couldn’t process the sight he was seeing. He could acknowledge what had happened. It was just that this place seemed like a distant dream far out from his realm of the reality.

“I know you may be shocked, but don’t think of this from a normal person’s point of view. See what I see. It is better for me to work with me. Think outside the box. Oh, and I am the real Dr. Bergman,” grinned the real Dr. Bergman.

“Well, it’s a mighty big box with the borders so far out that it’s impossible to see,” murmured Dr. Joseph as he shook his head in disbelief.

“Ah, lunch time!” clapped the golden crowned Dr. Bergman. All the Dr. Bergman in the lab turned their heads to this way and shouted, “Pepperoni and mushroom!”

The golden crowned Dr. Bergman just shrugged his shoulders. “What can I say? Just convenient. By the way, we already fixed the programming bug.”


A couple days passed. Dr. Joseph, Dr. Weiser, Dr. Burley were sitting at a café, drinking coffee.

“I have no idea what to do with him... or them… or whatever!” Dr. Joseph collapsed his head onto the table and leaned his chin down with a faraway glint staring into his tea spoon.

Dr. Weiser and Dr. Burley could speak nothing but silence after being told what had happened. It was a huge mess in any way they could see.

It was no use to just think about the matter. Whatever they decided, it would have to be after they confronted Dr. Bergman first. Dr. Joseph bristled up his seat and shook his hands no. “There is no use thinking here! Let’s go and talk to him again.”

When they reached the lab, the door knob was smudged with blood. Also, the lab was dark and dead quiet with the lights off.

Dr. Weiser mumbled helplessly as he turned on the light.

“Oh, my god!”

There was blood everywhere. Dozens of the bloody corpses of Dr. Bergman were laid here and there. One of them had the golden crown on. Dr. Joseph could spot it right away.

“They were shot and stabbed,” said Dr. Weiser as he kneeled over and took a look at the wounds.

At that moment, one of the corpses laid on the floor suddenly flinched. As the three doctors fixed their sights at the creepy awakening in the dead silence, it just started shaking momentarily; then it turned its own body onto the floor. Crawling and crawling with arms and knees, he reached for the golden crowned corpse and took the golden crown away. As he put it on his own head, he slipped a freaky jeer.

“I am… the real Dr. Bergman now.”
 
As English is not your first language, I can only say that your effort is quite admirable.

I would suggest you try using more active verbs and be a bit more visual. Show you readers the scene instead of telling about it.

The corpse flinched. Rolling over, it began to agonizingly crawl toward the mangled body with the golden crown awry on its head. "Now! It's mine," it growled as it placed the crown atop its own head.

Just an off-the-cuff thought.
 
Ah, that's as far as I can get with my vocabulary. Think I have any chance competing against the short stories of the same length at a amateur contest (Glimmertrain)? Pros probably wouldn't be there. I have like subtle nuances & notions in my head I want to emphasize, but I can't get my way around the words for such specific projection.

But aside from the interface of my short story, how is the language? No unusual sentence? Looks like a typical short story by a native English child with limited vocabulary?
 
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The problem is that your writing is so passive, it's booorrriiinnnggg!

It's not a case of vocabulary or grammar. It's a case of artistic ability that only comes from training and practice.
 
Well, it's an amateur contest. As long as it's fine language-wise, I guess I have a chance. I was focusing on being interesting with the story, not with the writing.
 

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