P
posternutbag
Guest
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
>
> Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when
> Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did
> business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't
> find Bin Laden" diversion.
>
> Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist,
> but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of
> international harmony.
>
> The United States should get out of the United Nations, and
> our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions
> against Iraq.
>
> A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body,
> but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting
> all mankind without regulation.
>
> Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and
> Hillary Clinton.
>
> The best way to improve military morale is to praise the
> troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and
> combat pay.
>
> If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have
> sex.
>
> A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time
> allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
>
> Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
> Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
>
> HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the
> public at heart.
>
> A president lying about an extramarital affair is an
> impeachable offense.
>
> A president lying to enlist support for a war in which
> thousands die is solid defense policy.
>
> Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
> Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and
> censoring the Internet.
>
> The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle
> trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our
> business.
>
> Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless
> you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and
> you need our prayers for your recovery.
>
> You support states' rights, which means Attorney General
> John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives
> they have the right to adopt.
>
> What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national
> interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant
>
> Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when
> Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did
> business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't
> find Bin Laden" diversion.
>
> Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist,
> but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of
> international harmony.
>
> The United States should get out of the United Nations, and
> our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions
> against Iraq.
>
> A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body,
> but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting
> all mankind without regulation.
>
> Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and
> Hillary Clinton.
>
> The best way to improve military morale is to praise the
> troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and
> combat pay.
>
> If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have
> sex.
>
> A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time
> allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
>
> Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
> Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
>
> HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the
> public at heart.
>
> A president lying about an extramarital affair is an
> impeachable offense.
>
> A president lying to enlist support for a war in which
> thousands die is solid defense policy.
>
> Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
> Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and
> censoring the Internet.
>
> The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle
> trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our
> business.
>
> Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless
> you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and
> you need our prayers for your recovery.
>
> You support states' rights, which means Attorney General
> John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives
> they have the right to adopt.
>
> What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national
> interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant