What do you say to the dying?

[MaryL]

Every time I had to deal with death, my parents, friends , pets or strangers that just died in front of me, I was at a loss. Their eyes glaze over, and their blood runs cold. I never heard angels sing, there wasn't any glory. It was sad and pointless. It was just a cold cold thing. What do you do for them? Give them a extra blanket? Prayer is for the living.

 

[MaryL]

I had to get a lawyer when my mother was dying, but it is a different thing when you are sitting next to that person holding their hand when the light goes out of their eyes forever. Hand on the morphine pump. She scolded me, last thing she said, I hung my head in shame. When my father died, I didn't get a chance to say anything. He had a massive coronary in 74', I tried to revive him and gave him mouth to mouth. Nothing. I am so sorry, I tried, guys. I really did. If there is a god up there, he knows.

 

[westwall]

I had to get a lawyer when my mother was dying, but it is a different thing when you are sitting next to that person holding their hand when the light goes out of their eyes forever. Hand on the morphine pump. She scolded me, last thing she said, I hung my head in shame. When my father died, I didn't get a chance to say anything. He had a massive coronary in 74', I tried to revive him and gave him mouth to mouth. Nothing. I am so sorry, I tried, guys. I really did. If there is a god up there, he knows.

They know too. Being with your mom at the end was the best thing you could do. Just say "I love you"....

 

[Chuckt]

Every time I had to deal with death, my parents, friends , pets or strangers that just died in front of me, I was at a loss. Their eyes glaze over, and their blood runs cold. I never heard angels sing, there wasn't any glory. It was sad and pointless. It was just a cold cold thing. What do you do for them? Give them a extra blanket? Prayer is for the living.

Make them comfortable, be there for them if they are lonely, talk to them, be a good listener.

Make sure they know where they are going.

 

[MaryL]

Thanks, guys. we all have to deal with this issue, sooner or later. I never told my parents I loved them, I supposed they knew that already. But that isn't enough. What do you tell a man that has just been run over by a bus dying in your arms? I ...didn't love him, and he died right there in front of me, a mass of twisted flesh. He lay there in pain and shock, shock kept the pain away I think. Shhh. Sleep. I was there though, didn't say anything. Maybe that was enough?

 

[Care4all]

When my grandfather passed onward, we all were in his hospital room just waiting for him to die....the nurse told us to tell him, ''To look for the Light, look at the light''...only he didn't speak English, so we told him in Italian, ''Guardare la luce, Nonno''.....

and then, he opened his eyes and sat up a little, and the brightest light that ever existed on the face of this earth reflected off his eyes...bright as can be....and then, he took his last breath and let it out, and that was it...he found the Light, and he happily let go.

 

[The Irish Ram]

I had to get a lawyer when my mother was dying, but it is a different thing when you are sitting next to that person holding their hand when the light goes out of their eyes forever. Hand on the morphine pump. She scolded me, last thing she said, I hung my head in shame. When my father died, I didn't get a chance to say anything. He had a massive coronary in 74', I tried to revive him and gave him mouth to mouth. Nothing. I am so sorry, I tried, guys. I really did. If there is a god up there, he knows.

Mary, they were going to die regardless of what you did. When it's time it's time. There is nothing you could do but be there. Don't think about the last thing she said. Think about what she said when it was your birthday, or a special time you shared. Dwell on that until the time comes when the guilt is gone and pleasant memories come to mind when you think of them.
There is a God up there, and He does know. And He is proud of you. He may not get to talk to you much, but you honored your mother and your father, and that is important to Him.

What might be a good suggestion to say to someone whose time is short is, "Do you know Christ?"

 

[MaxGrit]

Depends on the situation.

Sometimes staying silent is the best option.

 

[MaxGrit]

Thanks, guys. we all have to deal with this issue, sooner or later. I never told my parents I loved them, I supposed they knew that already. But that isn't enough. What do you tell a man that has just been run over by a bus dying in your arms? I ...didn't love him, and he died right there in front of me, a mass of twisted flesh. He lay there in pain and shock, shock kept the pain away I think. Shhh. Sleep. I was there though, didn't say anything. Maybe that was enough?

Enough of what?

 

[I.P.Freely]

Every time I had to deal with death, my parents, friends , pets or strangers that just died in front of me, I was at a loss. Their eyes glaze over, and their blood runs cold. I never heard angels sing, there wasn't any glory. It was sad and pointless. It was just a cold cold thing. What do you do for them? Give them a extra blanket? Prayer is for the living.

Have you signed the will.

 

[guno]

Every time I had to deal with death, my parents, friends , pets or strangers that just died in front of me, I was at a loss. Their eyes glaze over, and their blood runs cold. I never heard angels sing, there wasn't any glory. It was sad and pointless. It was just a cold cold thing. What do you do for them? Give them a extra blanket? Prayer is for the living.

Just be in the moment, sometime no words are necessary, I lost both of my parents 8 weeks apart from cancer at home they went while I held their hands, they knew, it goes beyond words,

 

[Steven_R]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVrEwCa8nSA]"Well...................Bye." - YouTube[/ame]

 

[MaxGrit]

Every time I had to deal with death, my parents, friends , pets or strangers that just died in front of me, I was at a loss. Their eyes glaze over, and their blood runs cold. I never heard angels sing, there wasn't any glory. It was sad and pointless. It was just a cold cold thing. What do you do for them? Give them a extra blanket? Prayer is for the living.

Have you signed the will.

Yes. I finished my will a while back.

*Peaceful smile.

He loves surprises so I hope it will lessen his grief when he realizes that I left him everything.

*Dies.

 

[Billo_Really]

My dad gave me his car when I was 17 years old. The only catch was, I had to go up to Reno, Nevada to get it. So I went, got the car and drove it back down to So Cal along I-5. The drive took about 12-14 hours, which I thought was pretty good for my first car. I didn't see my father after that, for another 18 years.

I don't know why it took so long to see him again. Him and I were just in two different worlds, yet we were practically the same. It's a strange paradox; so different, yet so alike.

So, after 18 years, I flew up to Reno and spent a week with him. It was pretty weird. The last time he saw me, I was a 17 year old kid. Then the next time he sees me, I'm this 35 year old man, with his own agenda. But for some odd reason, the connection we had with each other was still there. However, he was old school - in addition to being ultra-conservative, NRA, republican, this is the greatest country on earth, kind of guy and I'm about as liberal as someone can get - so, needless to say, we didn't really share anything outwardly emotional. He always believed, if you're a man, then you act like a man! Walk your talk. Don't dish it out, if you can't take it! Don't start a fight, but always finish one.

After that, I didn't see him for another 6 years.

One night I got really drunk and wrote him a later and basically ripped into him telling him how much I hated the way I was raised. I really let him have it! I told him if I ever had kids, I'd do everything opposite, that he did to me. After I sobered up, that letter really played heavy on my heart, so I wrote him another one a few weeks later. In the 2nd letter, I told him how much I loved him and that I was drunk in the 1st letter and just blowing off some steam. I told him I wanted to move him down to Palm Desert so we could see more of each other.

Three weeks went by when he finally responded to my 2nd letter (he never responded to the 1st). He said, "Well, I might as well tell you now I have 3 cancers - lung, liver and brain - and the doctors have givin' me less than 6 months to live." To make a long story short, I flew up to Reno and saw him just 4 hours before he died. We had one last conversation together.

So what do you say to someone who's dying?

I said, "You know, I don't think I'm going to live to be 67?"

He answered, "Well, it'll give you something to shoot for!"

The final thing we said to each other, was a little strange. He had been a racist his entire life and just hated blacks. Unfortunately for him, he sired a child who wanted to play in the NBA. So one of the very last things he said to me was admitting that he liked Magic Johnson and asked me not to tell anyone.

I told him, "Dad, everybody likes Magic Johnson!".

I'm not going to share the very last things we said to each other.

That was just for us.

 

[Politico]

Do you tell them? Yes you be honest and tell them they are going to die soon.

 

[DriftingSand]

Every time I had to deal with death, my parents, friends , pets or strangers that just died in front of me, I was at a loss. Their eyes glaze over, and their blood runs cold. I never heard angels sing, there wasn't any glory. It was sad and pointless. It was just a cold cold thing. What do you do for them? Give them a extra blanket? Prayer is for the living.

I've never been in the presence of a person during his or her final moments so I really don't know how I would react. I haven't even been around folks who didn't have a long to live. I was away when my mom died suddenly of a stroke and I wasn't near my dad as he lingered away in an old folks' home.

But what would I say so a dying person? I suppose it would depend on the circumstances. All people are different yet all people are the same. I assume that no two individuals are dealing with their circumstances in the same way. Some may be angry or worried while others may actually be looking forward to moving on to the next life. Perhaps saying anything at all would be ill-advised. Perhaps just being present would be comforting enough. Like the old song says: "Silence is Golden."

As a Christian, I may be inclined to discuss God's Kingdom and the door that leads to that Kingdom, Jesus Christ but I'm not certain that I would in every situation. So I really can't say what I would do or "say."

 

[Delta4Embassy]

Every time I had to deal with death, my parents, friends , pets or strangers that just died in front of me, I was at a loss. Their eyes glaze over, and their blood runs cold. I never heard angels sing, there wasn't any glory. It was sad and pointless. It was just a cold cold thing. What do you do for them? Give them a extra blanket? Prayer is for the living.

Hold their hand. It's going to be us someday. Say what you think you'd like to hear. "Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It's not you that's dying, only your body. What makes us more than meat and blood is our soul, and that remains to become a part of everything and everyone around us when no longer bound to our body." Even if I don't literally believe that I like to think when I'm dying I'll be old and befuddled enough to buy it.

 

[BreezeWood]

better to be there than far away ...

 

[Mr. H.]

It is sad, MaryL. But pointless? No way. Without rhyme or reason? Sometimes.

I recently kept my best friend company during his dad's final days. My friend is an only child and I didn't want him to be alone (or feel alone) in dealing with his dad's death.

I was scheduled to meet him at the hospital the morning his dad passed away. I knew he would die and I wanted to be there for my friend but I didn't go. It was a private moment and I felt he should have that privacy. Some things in life we're meant to bare alone.

In another instance, the mother of a good friend was at home literally on her death bed. I took some food to the family, sat and visited, engaged in some light banter. When I left, I took her hand and she looked up at me and said "see you later". That has stuck with me for years. At her internment it was a bright sunny and calm day. The air was very still. Suddenly a big gust of wind kicked up. I turned and faced the wind with outstretched arms. It was a good thing, and certainly not pointless.

You were there. And that's plenty enough.

 

[MaxGrit]

To live is Christ, to die is gain.

Paul