What do you say to a brother-in-law who is slowly killing himself?

[whitehall]

You aren't doing him (or yourself) a favor by ignoring his illegal drug use. Tip the Cops off and get him locked up before he hurts somebody. Maybe a stint in the slams will straighten him out.

 

[Billo_Really]

You can make fun of this thread if you want, but it's actually serious. The last couple of days (one of my many) brother-in-laws sons stayed with us during a short job hunting trip. I took them to a couple touristy places and had the chance to get to know them better. When the conversation turned to their dad, I was shocked. It was like the floodgates opened. They are telling me one story after another about broken promises and big talk. They are telling me things like "Mike he won't stop the drugs and drinking, he's put on a hundred pounds. He can't even hunt with us any more! He can't even sit in a tree stand because always has to go to the bathroom. He's always coughing." The look in their eyes broke my heart. I don't know what to say to this guy, I don't know him that well. But god damn, when a mans sons basically spill their guts to you, don't you have to say something? I'm open to any advice on this one, especially anyone with counseling experience. Oh and he also has a girl friend who is spiraling downhill with him. So if things aren't bad enough, there's that too.

What do you say to a brother who is slowly killing himself?

Can I have your wife?

 

[MarathonMike]

You can make fun of this thread if you want, but it's actually serious. The last couple of days (one of my many) brother-in-laws sons stayed with us during a short job hunting trip. I took them to a couple touristy places and had the chance to get to know them better. When the conversation turned to their dad, I was shocked. It was like the floodgates opened. They are telling me one story after another about broken promises and big talk. They are telling me things like "Mike he won't stop the drugs and drinking, he's put on a hundred pounds. He can't even hunt with us any more! He can't even sit in a tree stand because always has to go to the bathroom. He's always coughing." The look in their eyes broke my heart. I don't know what to say to this guy, I don't know him that well. But god damn, when a mans sons basically spill their guts to you, don't you have to say something? I'm open to any advice on this one, especially anyone with counseling experience. Oh and he also has a girl friend who is spiraling downhill with him. So if things aren't bad enough, there's that too.

What do you say to a brother who is slowly killing himself?

Can I have your wife?

Too late, his wife left him a long time ago.

 

[Ridgerunner]

.....I think that is all you can do with this guy.....you can't save him....you can point him to where he can save himself...eventually.....

That is a spot on piece of wisdom from 2aguy … Bottom line he has to have the desire to save himself...

You can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family...

 

[Blues Man]

Get the kids out of his custody.

 

[gtopa1]

Let the kids know you are there for them. They are the most important ones in this situation. I have a niece that had drug problem that’s my niece and I’m her godfather so I was able to give her tough love but it took 3 1/2 years to get her better. This is someone you don’t really have a relationship with. Plus if you say something to him he might take it out on his kids.


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I doubt he would take it out on his kids, but I think what he would do is blab about me saying something to him which is the LAST thing I would want. Then he would turn it into another "Ok guys this time it's for real. I got the message and I'm going to turn it around starting today. And then promptly go home hit the Jack Daniels and get high. He is the consummate bullshitter.

Give him space to "start again" and get him to AlAnon asap when he makes that statement again. Good luck.

Greg