What age do you let your kids date? How do you chaperone?

[Delta4Embassy]

16 Ways Denmark Wins At Sex

Instead of clinging to models that don't work and never have, we need to study how other countries handle things like sexuality and start incorporating what does work here. Only a fool continues doing the same thing expecting a different result. And the only the heir to the crown of the kingdom of fools insults what works.

 

[koshergrl]

None of my four kids except my daughter have ever complained about the no dating rule. I know the boys engaged in a little hanky panky here and there but I think their relief at being able to cite mom's rules outweighed their desire to have girlfriends and a hyperactive dating life.

I did allow them to take dates to dances, and they were allowed to go to movies and stuff as a group. The purpose of the exercise was never to isolate them, it was just to make it clear that their priorities needed to be elsewhere.

 

[koshergrl]

There's a lot of sick fucks making it easy for kids to have sex here. And Deltas' policy is interesting...you do what you want as long as I can watch....nice.

Thanks for not disappointing. Knew some fucktard would say that.

Because it's obvious. Kind of hard to miss. As is the glaring dysfunction of engaging in "sex" at ten. Not normal, healthy, or legal.

 

[Delta4Embassy]

Regarding no. 14 on that list, all that drinking resulting in all that sex, but they have a births deficit? Maybe it's from all the drinking? 'Increaseth the desire, but decreaseth the performance.' said the Bard.

 

[koshergrl]

16 Ways Denmark Wins At Sex

Instead of clinging to models that don't work and never have, we need to study how other countries handle things like sexuality and start incorporating what does work here. Only a fool continues doing the same thing expecting a different result. And the only the heir to the crown of the kingdom of fools insults what works.

Our old system worked fine...the no sex till you're married system...the system where people were expected to nit have kids until settled in a strong, committed, long term relationship. It wasn't until we started listening to pedophiles and freaks like Kinsey that we started to have problems.

No, it's not healthy for children to engage in sex. No, it's not a good idea to act as a kid's pimp by "chaperoning" promiscuous and age inappropriate behavior. No, it's not healthy to adopt an "anything goes as long as you tell me the gory details or let me watch" stance. We are supposed to protect our children from their own unschooled and dangerous impulses. The sooner they learn to prioritize and learn self control, the better they are served.

 

[koshergrl]

And don't think that setting boundaries means there is no discussion. We talk about relationships, priorities, sexuality and child rearing on a daily basis in my house. My kids know why they aren't allowed to date and they can engage intelligently in that conversation, and will, given the opportunity.

 

[Delta4Embassy]

16 Ways Denmark Wins At Sex

Instead of clinging to models that don't work and never have, we need to study how other countries handle things like sexuality and start incorporating what does work here. Only a fool continues doing the same thing expecting a different result. And the only the heir to the crown of the kingdom of fools insults what works.

Our old system worked fine...the no sex till you're married system...the system where people were expected to nit have kids until settled in a strong, committed, long term relationship. It wasn't until we started listening to pedophiles and freaks like Kinsey that we started to have problems.

No, it's not healthy for children to engage in sex. No, it's not a good idea to act as a kid's pimp by "chaperoning" promiscuous and age inappropriate behavior. No, it's not healthy to adopt an "anything goes as long as you tell me the gory details or let me watch" stance. We are supposed to protect our children from their own unschooled and dangerous impulses. The sooner they learn to prioritize and learn self control, the better they are served.

Only difference between then and now is then we weren't allowed to talk about it. Now we are so what appears like a behavioural change over time is more just the reality of how things have been all along. Were having pleanty of sex in the 40s and 50s and making pleanty of porn. I know, I've seen it.

Many psychological problems come because of repressive sexual attitudes. Kids who were punished caught masturbating for example go on to become sexually dysfunctional adults. Rather than viewing normal sexual curiousity and experimentation as things to be halted, we need to become educated about these realities and cast off our own hangups from our own early negative experiences and not pass them on like with spousal or substance abuse to the next generation.

 

[koshergrl]

16 Ways Denmark Wins At Sex

Instead of clinging to models that don't work and never have, we need to study how other countries handle things like sexuality and start incorporating what does work here. Only a fool continues doing the same thing expecting a different result. And the only the heir to the crown of the kingdom of fools insults what works.

Our old system worked fine...the no sex till you're married system...the system where people were expected to nit have kids until settled in a strong, committed, long term relationship. It wasn't until we started listening to pedophiles and freaks like Kinsey that we started to have problems.

No, it's not healthy for children to engage in sex. No, it's not a good idea to act as a kid's pimp by "chaperoning" promiscuous and age inappropriate behavior. No, it's not healthy to adopt an "anything goes as long as you tell me the gory details or let me watch" stance. We are supposed to protect our children from their own unschooled and dangerous impulses. The sooner they learn to prioritize and learn self control, the better they are served.

Only difference between then and now is then we weren't allowed to talk about it. Now we are so what appears like a behavioural change over time is more just the reality of how things have been all along. Were having pleanty of sex in the 40s and 50s and making pleanty of porn. I know, I've seen it.

Many psychological problems come because of repressive sexual attitudes. Kids who were punished caught masturbating for example go on to become sexually dysfunctional adults. Rather than viewing normal sexual curiousity and experimentation as things to be halted, we need to become educated about these realities and cast off our own hangups from our own early negative experiences and not pass them on like with spousal or substance abuse to the next generation.

No, the difference between then and now is all encompassing....child abuse, child sex abuse, child prostitution, child sex trafficking, drug abuse and crime have all increased exponentially since the advent of " if it feels good, do it". As you know. Now we're finished, I'm not giving you a platform for your creepiness.

 

[Delta4Embassy]

16 Ways Denmark Wins At Sex

Instead of clinging to models that don't work and never have, we need to study how other countries handle things like sexuality and start incorporating what does work here. Only a fool continues doing the same thing expecting a different result. And the only the heir to the crown of the kingdom of fools insults what works.

Our old system worked fine...the no sex till you're married system...the system where people were expected to nit have kids until settled in a strong, committed, long term relationship. It wasn't until we started listening to pedophiles and freaks like Kinsey that we started to have problems.

No, it's not healthy for children to engage in sex. No, it's not a good idea to act as a kid's pimp by "chaperoning" promiscuous and age inappropriate behavior. No, it's not healthy to adopt an "anything goes as long as you tell me the gory details or let me watch" stance. We are supposed to protect our children from their own unschooled and dangerous impulses. The sooner they learn to prioritize and learn self control, the better they are served.

Only difference between then and now is then we weren't allowed to talk about it. Now we are so what appears like a behavioural change over time is more just the reality of how things have been all along. Were having pleanty of sex in the 40s and 50s and making pleanty of porn. I know, I've seen it.

Many psychological problems come because of repressive sexual attitudes. Kids who were punished caught masturbating for example go on to become sexually dysfunctional adults. Rather than viewing normal sexual curiousity and experimentation as things to be halted, we need to become educated about these realities and cast off our own hangups from our own early negative experiences and not pass them on like with spousal or substance abuse to the next generation.

No, the difference between then and now is all encompassing....child abuse, child sex abuse, child prostitution, child sex trafficking, drug abuse and crime have all increased exponentially since the advent of " if it feels good, do it". As you know. Now we're finished, I'm not giving you a platform for your creepiness.

Yes, when being proven wrong retreat is advisable.

 

[Disir]

I'd never leave the kids alone with granny again, and nobody would be coming over for shindigs.

I don't mind the shindigs. I like knowing who my kid's friends are. But, she is absolutely not allowed to run the shindigs

 

[Disir]

I am running into problems with this. My kid is not allowed to date until the age of 16 and that is a maybe.

There are two kids that are really sweet kids. One is 13 and one is 14 and I have known them for a several years and they are both BFF with my kid. Initially, I was unwilling to play chaperon because I was not going to be involved in these kids sneaking around. Then, I learned that their parents have no problem with them dating. The kids are often driven to a meet up place by one or the other parent like.......the park. My kid has been asked to go with and the girl brings along a girlfriend.

I shut that down with my kid only--because it's my kid and I can do that and we are not getting roped into that kind of drama if one or both parents come to the conclusion that they take it to far- and there is some question on myself as a parent allowing it. But it gets worse.

My kids grandmother thinks the group thing is okie dokie. I have flat out told her I am not even going to go there.

I think there might be a misconception that if they are going out in a group then nothing is going to happen. They may actually be ok with whatever may happen. I don't know. I don't want to disrespect them with their parenting. It's not my place.

So, here is the problem. Yesterday my son wanted to put together a little shindig for Halloween. So, we went to the store and grabbed some snacks and stuff. At this time there was one boy that was coming to hang out and pass out candy. Said grandmother has decided to make sure that nothing goes awry because I have to work. Within 10 minutes both sweet kids plus one other girl are on their way over by invitation approved by and with said grandmother. She was kind of rude about it like this is her decision to make because she will be chaperoning. I am not a happy woman but I have to go.

Where is the grandmother? In another room watching tv. Where are the kids? Watching a "scary movie" and the two really sweet kids are on the couch sucking face. So, after bringing this to the attention of said grandmother I tell her that this is not cool and this is why I don't allow this to even go there and especially if I am not there.

I'm not pissed at the kids. I'm a little pissed at the adults and furious with myself.

I'm thinking........chaperoning is not just being present. It's being in the mix. The more present you are the less likely that a kid "experimenting" is going to be opening up the bottle of vodka that he or she stole from the parent or uncle or whatever. Secondly, if it's ok for your kids to date at that level then we got to set some ground rules like.......there is a time and a place for everything and that time and place is not ok in someone's house.

On top of this, there have been 13 year old girls texting my kid about wanting to have sex with him. So, perhaps this has become acceptable and if that is someone's parenting style that's fine. It's fine providing they are texting some other parent's kid. What age are you guys allowing your kids to date?

As with legal bans on things all that's achieved is making the thing go underground. Still gonna happen, only now you have no control at all over it.

If I had kids (don't,) and they expressed interest in dating (however that'd be defined) I hav basicly identical policy as I had growing up: can do whatever you want long as you do it at home. Not so naive and foolish to think forbidding kids things actually results in they're not doing them but would like to have some ability to control what goes on. Wanna smoke, have a drink, try pot, or sex, fine. Just humour your old man and do it at home where it's a helluva lot safer than out n about.

Was having sex at 10. Or as it happened, trying. No idea what to do or what went where like but knew being naked with her felt good. And did have my first-ever climax with another person at that time. And this wasn't because of internet porn or the like (didn't exist yet.) Nor had I ever seen a porno magazine. This was pure natural desire starting with the onset of puberty.

If forcing your kdis to wait until some magic number age of 16, you're basicly just forcing them to keep critical info from you for some years.

First let me say that 16 is not just some magic number. It's the age that one can get a job and drive a vehicle. So, this actually makes "dating" possible.

For myself, it's not ok for my kid to drink, get high, and have sex in my house because they are going to do it anyway and it's at best supervised chaos. I may as well just walk into a police station and say.....I'd like to give you my kid, my home, my stuff, my car and my job, too. BTW, you got PBJ?

And for me, that's where our parenting styles collide. Because this type of behavior is acceptable at your house doesn't mean that it should be acceptable at my house. As adults, we don't go to our friend's house or parent's house and sit in their living rooms and have make out sessions and cop feels. It's inappropriate.

 

[TrinityPower]

I am in no way an expert and can only share what I have done with my daughter. She is 14 and started high school this year. She has friends who have been "dating" for years. I keep asking what exactly this "dating" entails. She said she doesn't really know. I have never set an age that she may date, I think that comes with a maturity level and an age is a number. With that said I have explained to her many times that it is better to be friends with someone rather than "date" them. You will always be their friend and dating and breaking up just makes friendship and seeing them at school after that awkward. Another thing I have said over and over is do not engage in an adult activity until you are able to assume responsibility for it because adult activities have very potential and life changing consequences, if you are not in a place in life to absorb those consequences then do not engage in the activity. In other words if you choose to have sex then you best be supporting yourself financially with a full time job and be able to take on the added burden of a child otherwise it is not a wise move. As far as dating, I have explained that the reason for dating is basically an interview for a life mate and if you are not looking for a life mate then just do things with a group of people as friends. It is fine to have boys as friends but enjoy this time in your life and do not try to grow up before it is time. 14-16 is a vapor of time in your life where you can stay up late in the summer and sleep in before you have to take the bull by the horns and get a job and enter adulthood. This is a time to have fun and enjoy school and all the activities that high school offers so don't complicate life by getting seriously involved with a boy.

 

[Diana1180]

I have a 16 year old daughter. 16 was her age for dating alone. Up till now, she was allowed group "dates" where I dropped her off and picked her up. Or another parent that I met would drive some of it. She had rules and knew what was expected of her. When she asks me to do something she has to answer 5 questions. Who, What, Where, When and Why. If she cant answer all 5 questions, its an automatic no to whatever she is asking me. If I find out she lied about any of those 5 answers...it will be a very far off day till she gets to do something alone again with friends again. She also knows that if she is ever in a situation, she has many people she can call for a ride home, no questions asked.

I trust her till she gives me reason not to. She isnt driving yet but the boy she likes is. I have met him many times, he has come to my house for dinner and he seems like a good kid. THis weekend will actually be the first time that I will allow her to go in the car with him for their date to the Pats game. She told me I can trust them...she said he was scared of me lol.

I am ok with that.

 

[TrinityPower]

I think when that time comes for my daughter that I will want to meet the boys parents as well. Some boys can really put on a front and be all nicey nice but be a dog as soon as they are out of sight. Meeting the parents will give a good indication of what kind of person he is and what type of home environment he lives in and know what his parents expect of him and what has been instilled in him as far as values and morals. All of this is uncharted territory for me as I did not date til I was 22 so I never went through any of this and my ex husband didn't either. I was the first person he dated too.

 

[Disir]

I think when that time comes for my daughter that I will want to meet the boys parents as well. Some boys can really put on a front and be all nicey nice but be a dog as soon as they are out of sight. Meeting the parents will give a good indication of what kind of person he is and what type of home environment he lives in and know what his parents expect of him and what has been instilled in him as far as values and morals. All of this is uncharted territory for me as I did not date til I was 22 so I never went through any of this and my ex husband didn't either. I was the first person he dated too.

I think that is where I am at as well. I think I'd like to be on the same page as the parents. Secondly, if there is a break up then we are all aware of what is going on--even if that means that we need to step in and block the other person on a cell phone.

 

[Muhammed]

When my daughters were in their teens they basically had the entire second floor to themselves, plus the huge attic that they used as a rec room/art room or whatever room. And their bathroom was more like a huge spa. They were allowed to have boyfriends stay in their rooms all night as long as it wasn't a school night and their parents were OK with it. And I always made sure they had a stock of condoms.

That floor was their private space and I always knocked or buzzed before I went in, lest I walk in on something I'd rather not see and embarrass them.

 

[Diana1180]

When my daughters were in their teens they basically had the entire second floor to themselves, plus the huge attic that they used as a rec room/art room or whatever room. And their bathroom was more like a huge spa. They were allowed to have boyfriends stay in their rooms all night as long as it wasn't a school night and their parents were OK with it. And I always made sure they had a stock of condoms.

That floor was their private space and I always knocked or buzzed before I went in, lest I walk in on something I'd rather not see and embarrass them.

Ya...that will never happen in my house. When her boyfriend comes over I give them space in the living room/ first floor and will watch TV in my own room. But there is no hanging out in her bedroom...unless they want me there too.

 

[Delta4Embassy]

I am running into problems with this. My kid is not allowed to date until the age of 16 and that is a maybe.

There are two kids that are really sweet kids. One is 13 and one is 14 and I have known them for a several years and they are both BFF with my kid. Initially, I was unwilling to play chaperon because I was not going to be involved in these kids sneaking around. Then, I learned that their parents have no problem with them dating. The kids are often driven to a meet up place by one or the other parent like.......the park. My kid has been asked to go with and the girl brings along a girlfriend.

I shut that down with my kid only--because it's my kid and I can do that and we are not getting roped into that kind of drama if one or both parents come to the conclusion that they take it to far- and there is some question on myself as a parent allowing it. But it gets worse.

My kids grandmother thinks the group thing is okie dokie. I have flat out told her I am not even going to go there.

I think there might be a misconception that if they are going out in a group then nothing is going to happen. They may actually be ok with whatever may happen. I don't know. I don't want to disrespect them with their parenting. It's not my place.

So, here is the problem. Yesterday my son wanted to put together a little shindig for Halloween. So, we went to the store and grabbed some snacks and stuff. At this time there was one boy that was coming to hang out and pass out candy. Said grandmother has decided to make sure that nothing goes awry because I have to work. Within 10 minutes both sweet kids plus one other girl are on their way over by invitation approved by and with said grandmother. She was kind of rude about it like this is her decision to make because she will be chaperoning. I am not a happy woman but I have to go.

Where is the grandmother? In another room watching tv. Where are the kids? Watching a "scary movie" and the two really sweet kids are on the couch sucking face. So, after bringing this to the attention of said grandmother I tell her that this is not cool and this is why I don't allow this to even go there and especially if I am not there.

I'm not pissed at the kids. I'm a little pissed at the adults and furious with myself.

I'm thinking........chaperoning is not just being present. It's being in the mix. The more present you are the less likely that a kid "experimenting" is going to be opening up the bottle of vodka that he or she stole from the parent or uncle or whatever. Secondly, if it's ok for your kids to date at that level then we got to set some ground rules like.......there is a time and a place for everything and that time and place is not ok in someone's house.

On top of this, there have been 13 year old girls texting my kid about wanting to have sex with him. So, perhaps this has become acceptable and if that is someone's parenting style that's fine. It's fine providing they are texting some other parent's kid. What age are you guys allowing your kids to date?

As with legal bans on things all that's achieved is making the thing go underground. Still gonna happen, only now you have no control at all over it.

If I had kids (don't,) and they expressed interest in dating (however that'd be defined) I hav basicly identical policy as I had growing up: can do whatever you want long as you do it at home. Not so naive and foolish to think forbidding kids things actually results in they're not doing them but would like to have some ability to control what goes on. Wanna smoke, have a drink, try pot, or sex, fine. Just humour your old man and do it at home where it's a helluva lot safer than out n about.

Was having sex at 10. Or as it happened, trying. No idea what to do or what went where like but knew being naked with her felt good. And did have my first-ever climax with another person at that time. And this wasn't because of internet porn or the like (didn't exist yet.) Nor had I ever seen a porno magazine. This was pure natural desire starting with the onset of puberty.

If forcing your kdis to wait until some magic number age of 16, you're basicly just forcing them to keep critical info from you for some years.

First let me say that 16 is not just some magic number. It's the age that one can get a job and drive a vehicle. So, this actually makes "dating" possible.

For myself, it's not ok for my kid to drink, get high, and have sex in my house because they are going to do it anyway and it's at best supervised chaos. I may as well just walk into a police station and say.....I'd like to give you my kid, my home, my stuff, my car and my job, too. BTW, you got PBJ?

And for me, that's where our parenting styles collide. Because this type of behavior is acceptable at your house doesn't mean that it should be acceptable at my house. As adults, we don't go to our friend's house or parent's house and sit in their living rooms and have make out sessions and cop feels. It's inappropriate.

Can drink at home with your parent's permission and supervision in think over 40 US states. So my thing is hardly controversial. Can marry here at 15 with parental consent, so again it's not something unheard of. And drugs like pot at least are far less harmful than alcohol. Hence my logic.

 

[Delta4Embassy]

We're already doing everything I suggested but only partially across various states. If a state lets two 13yo's have sex together then surely their parents should let them do so at home. Otherwise you're just making them do it in cars which is considered public for the sake of indecent exposure laws. If not literally in public. Rather have a kid of mine do what they're gonna do anyway at home where it's safe than out n about.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

16, but only at public functions (movies, restaurant etc. where there are people) no riding in cars.
17 can ride in car alone, but still at public places only
18 whatever

I "chaperoned" by telling them I would call at a random time and ask for a picture from their phone. Show them you know how to see the exact time a photo was taken on their phone.