Trump warns that a Biden presidency would mean regular mail service ... And SPORTS!

[DrLove]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an apocalyptic vision of life under his Democratic rival, Donald Trump will warn on Thursday night that a Biden Presidency would mean regular mail service and sports.​

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An advance copy of Trump’s final R.N.C. speech reveals that Trump will paint an ominous picture of a nation living under the tyranny of uninterrupted postal delivery and athletic events.​

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“Joe Biden and his left-wing puppet masters will take whatever measures they deem necessary to insure that the mail is delivered in a timely fashion,” he will warn. “Biden and his radical henchwomen, Nancy Pelosi and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, will stop at nothing to make that nightmare a reality.”​

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Additionally, Trump will charge, “If Joe Biden is allowed to wipe out the pandemic and institute police reforms, professional sports will be played like never before.”​

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“No city will be safe from sports,” he will add.​

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Trump will end his relentlessly downbeat speech on a note of optimism, however. “Only one thing can protect America from the sinister threat of mail and sports,” he will declare. “Me.”​

Trump Warns That Biden Presidency Would Mean Regular Mail Service and Sports

An advance copy of the President’s final R.N.C. speech reveals that he will paint an ominous picture of uninterrupted postal delivery and athletic events.

www.newyorker.com

 

[Mikeoxenormous]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an apocalyptic vision of life under his Democratic rival, Donald Trump will warn on Thursday night that a Biden Presidency would mean regular mail service and sports.​

​

An advance copy of Trump’s final R.N.C. speech reveals that Trump will paint an ominous picture of a nation living under the tyranny of uninterrupted postal delivery and athletic events.​

​

“Joe Biden and his left-wing puppet masters will take whatever measures they deem necessary to insure that the mail is delivered in a timely fashion,” he will warn. “Biden and his radical henchwomen, Nancy Pelosi and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, will stop at nothing to make that nightmare a reality.”​

​

Additionally, Trump will charge, “If Joe Biden is allowed to wipe out the pandemic and institute police reforms, professional sports will be played like never before.”​

​

“No city will be safe from sports,” he will add.​

​

Trump will end his relentlessly downbeat speech on a note of optimism, however. “Only one thing can protect America from the sinister threat of mail and sports,” he will declare. “Me.”​

Trump Warns That Biden Presidency Would Mean Regular Mail Service and Sports

An advance copy of the President’s final R.N.C. speech reveals that he will paint an ominous picture of uninterrupted postal delivery and athletic events.

www.newyorker.com

At the top of the page it says " Satire from The Borowitz Report ". Now if the Groper of women and children just happen to steal the election and become the surrogate of Kamel Toe Harrie, the United States and the world would never open, and sports would be prevented because during the Kung Flu the Commies on the left have made sure that they have abused their power over the rest of us. They would continue to keep us all miserable and poor, just like we see in Venezuela because that is the control they want......


There would be only one channel for the people (Pravada of the US).