okfine
Diamond Member
From the White House: We will be announcing GREAT NEWS tomorrow during the daily COVID-19 press conference.
"I am happy to announce that our great President Trump will deliver some exciting news concerning a cure for the Coronvirus" said VP Mike Pence after today's presser.
Trump said today that "An already existing drug on the market, that is available in tremendous amounts, will be coming from Mexico, our biggest trading partner. I just got off the phone with the Mexico President, who, by the way, is also my very good friend and a wonderful man, and he has the manufacturing capabilities to produce massive quantities of a drug called ICE. Huge shipments have secretly been arriving over the US border, so the distribution process is already in place. This drug will fry the coronavirus from mankind! While using this drug, which I now call TCVC (Trump corona virus cure), it will also eliminate the need to hoard food, water and toilet paper. As I have told everyone many times, ahem, the USMCA was, and is, the greatest trade deal ever. Of course, now my numbers will be great and now all of our great citizens will be sure to re-elect the greatest President of... of all time. Now I will get that Nobel Peace Prize, and also, again, Man of the Year with my picture on the cover of Time magazine."
"Upon figuring out the final details of the new, wonderful, and enormous deal with Mexico, which of course was my idea as Mexico owes us for the wall, you know, that big beautiful wall, I will instruct my administration, the FDA, the DOJ, and the DEA to immediatly, and of course, temporarily, de-classify this world life saving drug as a Schedule 1 Narcotic. Since we know this drug is highly addictive, I accept NO responsibility from any and all side-affects from this miraculous, wonderful cure."
"I am happy to announce that our great President Trump will deliver some exciting news concerning a cure for the Coronvirus" said VP Mike Pence after today's presser.
Trump said today that "An already existing drug on the market, that is available in tremendous amounts, will be coming from Mexico, our biggest trading partner. I just got off the phone with the Mexico President, who, by the way, is also my very good friend and a wonderful man, and he has the manufacturing capabilities to produce massive quantities of a drug called ICE. Huge shipments have secretly been arriving over the US border, so the distribution process is already in place. This drug will fry the coronavirus from mankind! While using this drug, which I now call TCVC (Trump corona virus cure), it will also eliminate the need to hoard food, water and toilet paper. As I have told everyone many times, ahem, the USMCA was, and is, the greatest trade deal ever. Of course, now my numbers will be great and now all of our great citizens will be sure to re-elect the greatest President of... of all time. Now I will get that Nobel Peace Prize, and also, again, Man of the Year with my picture on the cover of Time magazine."
"Upon figuring out the final details of the new, wonderful, and enormous deal with Mexico, which of course was my idea as Mexico owes us for the wall, you know, that big beautiful wall, I will instruct my administration, the FDA, the DOJ, and the DEA to immediatly, and of course, temporarily, de-classify this world life saving drug as a Schedule 1 Narcotic. Since we know this drug is highly addictive, I accept NO responsibility from any and all side-affects from this miraculous, wonderful cure."