To Sir or Not To Sir?

[Cecilie1200]

I come from a very long Southern heritage on both sides of my family, but I live in the Southwest. This makes for problems, because it is a deeply-ingrained cultural instinct for me to call people "Ma'am" or "Sir". In fact, unless I am very well acquainted-with someone, I feel deeply uncomfortable addressing them by their first name, and if it's someone I am blatantly not a social equal with, such as a boss . . .

This, of course, is a problem, since our society has long since embraced a forced casualness in personal interactions, and outside of the South, insists on equating such polite titles as age-related.

Obviously, if we're talking about my boss, I'm going to accommodate his request in this regard. Being me, my attitude toward anyone who isn't handing me a check is "Suck it up, buttercup", and if they push it, I will put on a faux outraged imitation of leftist SJWs and say, "How dare you disrespect my culture! Microaggression!" But in all seriousness, this really does make me very uncomfortable, and I find it extremely awkward.

What does everyone else think on this subject?

 

[strollingbones]

manners are free...good manners are priceless

 

[OldLady]

manners are free...good manners are priceless

Calling some women Ma'am can cause serious fireworks. It makes them feel old and they'll TELL you. I've seen it happen.

 

[miketx]

manners are free...good manners are priceless

Calling some women Ma'am can cause serious fireworks. It makes them feel old and they'll TELL you. I've seen it happen.

Yes Ma'am.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

I use Sir and Ma'am when speaking to the cops and people I respect.
And I'm with on the first name thing and the somewhat new craze where parents instruct their kids to use Mr. Firstname.
Which I guess is better just the first name.

 

[Weatherman2020]

manners are free...good manners are priceless

Calling some women Ma'am can cause serious fireworks. It makes them feel old and they'll TELL you. I've seen it happen.

Never happened to me, but if it should I'll just tell them that's because they are old.

 

[Cecilie1200]

manners are free...good manners are priceless

Which leaves one in a quandary when those around them are DEMANDING that they abandon their good manners because those others weren't raised with them and find them uncomfortable. It's rather like having people at a dinner party demand that everyone there eat with their fingers and belch because not everyone was raised with proper table etiquette.

 

[Cecilie1200]

manners are free...good manners are priceless

Calling some women Ma'am can cause serious fireworks. It makes them feel old and they'll TELL you. I've seen it happen.

And I will tell those women flatly that in the South, it has nothing to do with age. It just means they're female.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I use Sir and Ma'am when speaking to the cops and people I respect.
And I'm with on the first name thing and the somewhat new craze where parents instruct their kids to use Mr. Firstname.
Which I guess is better just the first name.

My mom grew up in an era when family friends were all "Uncle" and "Aunt". Being very precise about grammar usage, I will not allow my children to refer to non-relatives as relatives, or relatives by any title but the one proper to the actual relationship. I don't care that my son is a year younger than his nephew; he's still "Uncle Quinn", although I will accept just plain "Quinn".

My daughter's friends are in the habit of referring to each other's parents as "Mom" and "Dad". I also don't allow that. I am not your mother, and I take no responsibility for you whatsoever. You're an adult; call me either Mrs. [Last Name] or by my first name, if you absolutely must.

 

[OldLady]

manners are free...good manners are priceless

Calling some women Ma'am can cause serious fireworks. It makes them feel old and they'll TELL you. I've seen it happen.

And I will tell those women flatly that in the South, it has nothing to do with age. It just means they're female.

So to you it is more important to call them Ma'am than to respect their feelings? Are you sure that's actually using good manners, Cecile?

 

[Cecilie1200]

manners are free...good manners are priceless

Calling some women Ma'am can cause serious fireworks. It makes them feel old and they'll TELL you. I've seen it happen.

And I will tell those women flatly that in the South, it has nothing to do with age. It just means they're female.

So to you it is more important to call them Ma'am than to respect their feelings? Are you sure that's actually using good manners, Cecile?

Well, to them it's more important to hear their names than to respect my culture, so why precisely do their feelings rate higher than mine? For that matter, I consider there to be a hard limit on the good manners due someone who manifests no comprehension or appreciation of them, which "they'll TELL you" indicates to me.

 

[OldLady]

manners are free...good manners are priceless

Calling some women Ma'am can cause serious fireworks. It makes them feel old and they'll TELL you. I've seen it happen.

And I will tell those women flatly that in the South, it has nothing to do with age. It just means they're female.

So to you it is more important to call them Ma'am than to respect their feelings? Are you sure that's actually using good manners, Cecile?

Well, to them it's more important to hear their names than to respect my culture, so why precisely do their feelings rate higher than mine? For that matter, I consider there to be a hard limit on the good manners due someone who manifests no comprehension or appreciation of them, which "they'll TELL you" indicates to me.

I'm not sensitive about my age, so I think those women are kinda funny.
You and I have a different idea of good manners, I guess. To me, it involves being sensitive to the other person's feelings. To you, it seems to be about YOUR feelings. So fine, insist on calling people what makes YOU happy whether they like it or not. But don't make it their fault. That's entirely on you.

 

[Cecilie1200]

manners are free...good manners are priceless

Calling some women Ma'am can cause serious fireworks. It makes them feel old and they'll TELL you. I've seen it happen.

And I will tell those women flatly that in the South, it has nothing to do with age. It just means they're female.

So to you it is more important to call them Ma'am than to respect their feelings? Are you sure that's actually using good manners, Cecile?

Well, to them it's more important to hear their names than to respect my culture, so why precisely do their feelings rate higher than mine? For that matter, I consider there to be a hard limit on the good manners due someone who manifests no comprehension or appreciation of them, which "they'll TELL you" indicates to me.

I'm not sensitive about my age, so I think those women are kinda funny.
You and I have a different idea of good manners, I guess. To me, it involves being sensitive to the other person's feelings. To you, it seems to be about YOUR feelings. So fine, insist on calling people what makes YOU happy whether they like it or not. But don't make it their fault. That's entirely on you.

You're right, we have different ideas. You're conflating good manners with being a nice person. They aren't the same thing. In fact, I think one could fairly say that etiquette and manners were invented precisely to smooth out the differences in how interested each person is in being "nice".

You are incredibly emoto-centric, like so many people these days. Everything isn't about "the feelz". Insisting that my instinctive speech patterns and idioms are merely a matter of "my feelings" is like thinking people are talking with an accent just to annoy you. Likewise, I find it a tad suspicious that you want to jump immediately to the assumption that it is wholly MY job to remake my communication to suit others, with no responsibility on the part of those others to be sensitive and tolerant, which is usually at such a premium with you. Could this be a personal desire to fault me specifically, or a bias against those from the Southern culture?

 

[Skull Pilot]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

 

[Unkotare]

I use Sir and Ma'am when speaking to the cops and people I respect.
And I'm with on the first name thing and the somewhat new craze where parents instruct their kids to use Mr. Firstname.
Which I guess is better just the first name.

????????

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

I use Sir and Ma'am when speaking to the cops and people I respect.
And I'm with on the first name thing and the somewhat new craze where parents instruct their kids to use Mr. Firstname.
Which I guess is better just the first name.

????????

Got a question?

 

[Unkotare]

I use Sir and Ma'am when speaking to the cops and people I respect.
And I'm with on the first name thing and the somewhat new craze where parents instruct their kids to use Mr. Firstname.
Which I guess is better just the first name.

????????

Got a question?

Where is this alleged "craze" of parents instructing their children to communicate like non-native speakers of English?

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

I use Sir and Ma'am when speaking to the cops and people I respect.
And I'm with on the first name thing and the somewhat new craze where parents instruct their kids to use Mr. Firstname.
Which I guess is better just the first name.

????????

Got a question?

Where is this alleged "craze" of parents instructing their children to communicate like non-native speakers of English?

What the hell are you talking about?

 

[Cecilie1200]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

 

[OldLady]

Calling some women Ma'am can cause serious fireworks. It makes them feel old and they'll TELL you. I've seen it happen.

And I will tell those women flatly that in the South, it has nothing to do with age. It just means they're female.

So to you it is more important to call them Ma'am than to respect their feelings? Are you sure that's actually using good manners, Cecile?

Well, to them it's more important to hear their names than to respect my culture, so why precisely do their feelings rate higher than mine? For that matter, I consider there to be a hard limit on the good manners due someone who manifests no comprehension or appreciation of them, which "they'll TELL you" indicates to me.

I'm not sensitive about my age, so I think those women are kinda funny.
You and I have a different idea of good manners, I guess. To me, it involves being sensitive to the other person's feelings. To you, it seems to be about YOUR feelings. So fine, insist on calling people what makes YOU happy whether they like it or not. But don't make it their fault. That's entirely on you.

You're right, we have different ideas. You're conflating good manners with being a nice person. They aren't the same thing. In fact, I think one could fairly say that etiquette and manners were invented precisely to smooth out the differences in how interested each person is in being "nice".

You are incredibly emoto-centric, like so many people these days. Everything isn't about "the feelz". Insisting that my instinctive speech patterns and idioms are merely a matter of "my feelings" is like thinking people are talking with an accent just to annoy you. Likewise, I find it a tad suspicious that you want to jump immediately to the assumption that it is wholly MY job to remake my communication to suit others, with no responsibility on the part of those others to be sensitive and tolerant, which is usually at such a premium with you. Could this be a personal desire to fault me specifically, or a bias against those from the Southern culture?

Could this be a personal desire to fault me specifically, or a bias against those from the Southern culture?[
No, neither. Being a Yankee, we don't really know "manners" like you. Respecting what makes others feel comfortable in public interactions is about as close as we know how to come to good manners, I suppose. I am kind of emoto-centric, always have been. It's just me.
Honestly, I have no idea what you're going on about. You have posed the basic question: If I feel comfortable with a certain form of address and the person I am addressing is uncomfortable with it, what would be "good manners." You can't really have good manners without having another person present, right? It's all about interactions with others. So if the primary purpose isn't about what makes other people comfortable, what IS it about?