That is a forcible gang rape. What does that have to do with a date? I still don't understand.
Also, no doesn't always mean no. I learned this when I worked as a door to door salesman. The prospect always say no at first. As a salesman, I kept trying to sell my product, no matter what they said, unless they asked me to leave or closed the door in my face. Many times they would say no over a dozen times before I finally convinced them to purchase my product. Then they would pay me and thank me very much.
Most women act the same way when you first try to have sex with them. Although Sluts will say yes immediately, most women play coy, protest and say no many times until they finally acquiesce.
In any case, only a rapist will force himself on a woman.
Women do need to take precautions so they are not in a position where they may be alone with a potential rapist. Reasonable precautions include:
1) not walking home alone late at night, especially if you are drunk
2) not accepting a ride from a stranger
3) not inviting man home alone with you that you don't completely trust
Of course if you don't take precautions and you do get raped, it is not your fault and the rapist should be punished. All I am saying is that everyone needs to take reasonable precautions to protect themselves.
I used to drive a Taxi in Chicago. I never got robbed, mostly because I took reasonable precautions. Other drivers told me stories about how they got robbed. In every case I noticed that they did not take reasonable precautions. It wasn't their fault, but it could have been avoided because criminals look for easy targets.
For example:
1)If the customer asked if I had change of a hundred, I always said no. I would stop on the way to get change for them, even if I had the money because I didn't want them to see my big money.
2) If they wanted me to take them to a bad neighborhood, I would insist on being paid up-front, before we left a busy part of town. (if they had the fare, they probably weren't looking to rob me)
3) I would be suspicious if they changed the destination after we left a busy area.
4) I would never take a lone drunk woman in my cab because she might fall asleep and I won't be able to get her out. If I touch her to wake her up, she might accuse me of molesting her. Sometimes a bartender would call and try to put a drunk woman in my cab. I would refuse to take her unless someone else came along.
Reasonable people take reasonable precautions. You can't protect yourself against everything, but I don't understand how you can get raped on a date. Dates start out in public places.
I'm not really sure why this post provoked so much outrage.
I worked for a police agency, and much of what this post says is true. Both men and women need to take precautions to avoid becoming victims of a crime. A woman SHOULD NOT invite a man she doesn't know well into her house. She shouldn't get into a car with a stranger or a man she's just met. Doing so can expose her to becoming a victim of a crime.
That's not a justification for rape, it's simple fact. If you expose yourself to risk, you are much more likely to become a victim of a crime, whether that crime is being mugged or being raped.
Men who rape are rapists. Saying that women should take reasonable precautions isn't excusing rape.
Furthermore, a lot of women do make comments: "I would never sleep with a man on the first date." Then, later in the date, the woman invites the man up and has sex with him. WTF. What message ARE men supposed to take from this behavior, exactly? "First she says now, but if I'm persuasive enough, she'll say yes."
Here's a post on the subject from a blog I used to read a lot when I was single:
http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/2012/05/06/im-not-going-home-with-you-and-other-lies/
To me, it didn’t sound like there was a high degree of difficulty here. The woman all but begged him to take her home. When a woman in this particular scenario announces that she won’t be sleeping or going home with with a particular man that night, what she’s really saying is, “Help me justify having sex with you.”
That’s really all we want. We want you to give us a reason to justify doing it. We can rationalize our way through anything. You just have to give us something to gnaw on.
Give us a reason not to have sex with you and we will take that and run with it. That’s why it’s important not to say or do anything that will make us feel “slutty.” Which is tricky, since so many women like to use sex or innuendo as a way to get a man’s attention. Call the woman on her sexual assertiveness or respond to it by upping the ante and there’s a really good chance she will back down. Don’t take the bait in those cases. Let her lead. Let her think she’s seducing you. Don’t get all handsy or start in with the dirty talk. She wants to control the pace. Let her. We spoke a few weeks ago about how women need to let men think that they are the ones that inspired their more carnal desires. It’s the same thing, but in reverse. Women like this need to think that you desire them, not just sex.
How is the dating blogger above saying something different from what Gary said in his post?
I don't see this guy advocating anywhere on this thread that women cause rape, deserve to be raped, are raped because of how they are dressed, or that a man should force himself on a woman who says no.
What I do hear him saying is that women need to take proper safety precautions, be smart, be clear, and be careful. And, all of those things are true.