The Rise of Lonely, Single Men

[1srelluc]

ounger and middle-aged men are the loneliest they’ve been in generations, and it’s probably going to get worse.

This is not my typical rosy view of relationships but a reality nonetheless. Over the last 30 years, men have become a larger portion of that growing group of long-term single people. And while you don’t actually need to be in a relationship to be happy, men typically are happier and healthier when partnered.


Here are three broad trends in the relationship landscape that suggest heterosexual men are in for a rough road ahead:

• Dating Apps. Whether you’re just starting to date or you’re recently divorced and dating again, dating apps are a huge driver of new romantic connections in the United States. The only problem is that upwards of 62% of users are men and many women are overwhelmed by the number of options they have. Competition in online dating is fierce, and lucky in-person chance encounters with dreamy partners are rarer than ever.
• Relationship Standards. With so many options, it’s not surprising that women are increasingly selective. I do a live TikTok show (@abetterloveproject) and speak with hundreds of audience members every week; I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, who are good communicators, and who share their values.
• Skills Deficits. For men, this means a relationship skills gap that, if not addressed, will likely lead to fewer dating opportunities and longer periods of being single. There's less patience for poor communication skills today. The problem for men is that emotional connection is the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love and it requires all the skills that families still are not consistently teaching young boys.

While there’s probably no chance of stemming the rising tide of unintentional single men, there is some good news.

The algorithms are becoming increasingly more complex on dating apps and other online platforms. One result is that great matches are on the rise. One dating app, Hinge, found through beta trials that 90% of users rated their first date positively, with 72% indicating that they wanted a second date.


How can men reap the benefit of the algorithms? Level up your mental health game. That means getting into some individual therapy to address your skills gap. It means valuing your own internal world and respecting your ideas enough to communicate them effectively. It means seeing intimacy, romance, and emotional connection as worthy of your time and effort.


Ultimately, we have an opportunity to revolutionize romantic relationships and establish new, healthier norms starting with the first date. It’s likely that some of these romances will be transformative and healing, disrupting generational trauma and establishing a fresh culture of admiration and validation.


Men have a key role in this transformation but only if they go all-in. It’s going to take that kind of commitment to themselves, to their mental health, and to the kind of love they want to generate in the world. Will we step up?

The Rise of Lonely, Single Men

Damn, talk about a snake-oil salesman.

 

[Blues Man]

Because young men are more likely to stay home paying video games than they are to socialize with the opposite sex.

 

[miketx]

They rise more at night!

 

[1srelluc]

They rise more at night!

I rolled over this morning and my "kickstand" begged to differ.

 

[miketx]

I rolled over this morning and my "kickstand" begged to differ.

That's all Viagra is good for!

 

[iamwhatiseem]

Because young men are more likely to stay home paying video games than they are to socialize with the opposite sex.

And young girls are more likely to stay at home posting up on social media than they are to socialize with the opposite sex.

 

[MarathonMike]

ounger and middle-aged men are the loneliest they’ve been in generations, and it’s probably going to get worse.

This is not my typical rosy view of relationships but a reality nonetheless. Over the last 30 years, men have become a larger portion of that growing group of long-term single people. And while you don’t actually need to be in a relationship to be happy, men typically are happier and healthier when partnered.


Here are three broad trends in the relationship landscape that suggest heterosexual men are in for a rough road ahead:

• Dating Apps. Whether you’re just starting to date or you’re recently divorced and dating again, dating apps are a huge driver of new romantic connections in the United States. The only problem is that upwards of 62% of users are men and many women are overwhelmed by the number of options they have. Competition in online dating is fierce, and lucky in-person chance encounters with dreamy partners are rarer than ever.
• Relationship Standards. With so many options, it’s not surprising that women are increasingly selective. I do a live TikTok show (@abetterloveproject) and speak with hundreds of audience members every week; I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, who are good communicators, and who share their values.
• Skills Deficits. For men, this means a relationship skills gap that, if not addressed, will likely lead to fewer dating opportunities and longer periods of being single. There's less patience for poor communication skills today. The problem for men is that emotional connection is the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love and it requires all the skills that families still are not consistently teaching young boys.

While there’s probably no chance of stemming the rising tide of unintentional single men, there is some good news.

The algorithms are becoming increasingly more complex on dating apps and other online platforms. One result is that great matches are on the rise. One dating app, Hinge, found through beta trials that 90% of users rated their first date positively, with 72% indicating that they wanted a second date.


How can men reap the benefit of the algorithms? Level up your mental health game. That means getting into some individual therapy to address your skills gap. It means valuing your own internal world and respecting your ideas enough to communicate them effectively. It means seeing intimacy, romance, and emotional connection as worthy of your time and effort.


Ultimately, we have an opportunity to revolutionize romantic relationships and establish new, healthier norms starting with the first date. It’s likely that some of these romances will be transformative and healing, disrupting generational trauma and establishing a fresh culture of admiration and validation.


Men have a key role in this transformation but only if they go all-in. It’s going to take that kind of commitment to themselves, to their mental health, and to the kind of love they want to generate in the world. Will we step up?

The Rise of Lonely, Single Men

Damn, talk about a snake-oil salesman.

I see another common denominator in long term single males I know personally. Low self esteem that leads to poor physical health, poor appearance and low confidence with the other sex. Adding to that problem are unrealistic expectations of young women who are encouraged to chase "hot guys" with tatoos and swag. They pursue the swag guys which often times ends badly for them.

 

[1srelluc]

I see another common denominator in long term single males I know personally. Low self esteem that leads to poor physical health, poor appearance and low confidence with the other sex. Adding to that problem are unrealistic expectations of young women who are encouraged to chase "hot guys" with tatoos and swag. They pursue the swag guys which often times ends badly for them.

I always saw that as a "buying opportunity"......Women on sale.

 

[Unkotare]

We've got more than a few of these on this site. The problem is supposedly grown men who avoid any and all vestiges of adult manhood. They would rather squander their lives avoiding the responsibilities of being a grown man. How many "men" here have boasted about never getting married, having children, etc.? The same leftist forces that have been working hard for decades to undermine family, faith, and tradition have pushed the message that never growing up is "cool." It isn't. These self-centered weaklings are pathetic.

 

[Woodznutz]

The sexual revolution screwed everything up.

 

[MarathonMike]

I always saw that as a "buying opportunity"......Women on sale.

The point is that the encouragement through social media, advertising and entertainment creates disproportionate demand for the tatooed swag guys. That in turn leads to bad relationships for the women who pursue them and the low esteem guys who get passed over. As always jmo.

 

[Unkotare]

The point is that the encouragement through social media, advertising and entertainment creates disproportionate demand for the tatooed swag guys. That in turn leads to bad relationships for the women who pursue them and the low esteem guys who get passed over. As always jmo.

“Men” aren’t being passed over. Perpetual little boys are avoiding life.

 

[MarathonMike]

“Men” aren’t being passed over. Perpetual little boys are avoiding life.

You are over generalizing. Perpetual little boys are part of the group being passed over, but many are not.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

We've got more than a few of these on this site. The problem is supposedly grown men who avoid any and all vestiges of adult manhood. They would rather squander their lives avoiding the responsibilities of being a grown man. How many "men" here have boasted about never getting married, having children, etc.? The same leftist forces that have been working hard for decades to undermine family, faith, and tradition have pushed the message that never growing up is "cool." It isn't. These self-centered weaklings are pathetic.

And GenZ is going to be unbelievable.
Everyone liked to make fun of millennials when they entered the job force 10 years ago or so. But at least they wanted to work. At least they wanted to progress in their careers.
GenZ looks at employment as a form of persecution.
The "quiet quitter" movement is much larger than most people know. Last week a Gallop poll showed that approximately 50% - half - of the entire U.S. workforce has bought into this liberal movement.
Basically - employers are persecutors that interfere with happiness and living a life you want. When you get a job, you should do as little as possible so you don't become a part of the problem.

 

[1srelluc]

And GenZ is going to be unbelievable.
Everyone liked to make fun of millennials when they entered the job force 10 years ago or so. But at least they wanted to work. At least they wanted to progress in their careers.
GenZ looks at employment as a form of persecution.
The "quiet quitter" movement is much larger than most people know. Last week a Gallop poll showed that approximately 50% - half - of the entire U.S. workforce has bought into this liberal movement.
Basically - employers are persecutors that interfere with happiness and living a life you want. When you get a job, you should do as little as possible so you don't become a part of the problem.

And people think that "things will get better" if this party or that takes over....News Flash....We're fucked as a country because the current "half-ass" generation will be passing their shoddy work ethic and lack of moral fiber on to their kids.

Hell, who knows, maybe our new brown overlords will turn they tide as they are not half as sorry as the Americans they will compete with in the near future.

 

[initforme]

Men who want to date are dating. Those that don't want to aren't. There isn't any problem going on. Not everyone wants a relationship and that's their choice.

 

[initforme]

And people think that "things will get better" if this party or that takes over....News Flash....We're fucked as a country because the current "half-ass" generation will be passing their shoddy work ethic and lack of moral fiber on to their kids.

Hell, who knows, maybe our new brown overlords will turn they tide as they are not half as sorry as the Americans they will compete with in the near future.

People are working. What do you want? People dropping over dead from work?

 

[iamwhatiseem]

Men who want to date are dating. Those that don't want to aren't. There isn't any problem going on. Not everyone wants a relationship and that's their choice.

Not a problem???
What planet are you living on?
52% of 25 year olds are still living at home. Not a problem??
1 in 5 high schoolers say they are LGBT. Not a problem??
We have the lowest number of young people in the workforce in the history of this country. Not a problem??
52% of the U.S. workforce have bought into the "quiet quitter" movement. Not a problem??

Half of US workers say they are ‘quiet quitting’: poll

Story at a glance More than 50 percent of U.S. workers admit to being “quit quitters,” according to a new Gallup Poll. The poll shows that the number of employees who are disengaged with their w…

thehill.com

You are living under a rock

 

[initforme]

So times are changing. Those still living at home, perhaps many are working and saving. Not buying a house until they can afford one. A 25 year old living at home doesn't alarm me if they are working. I do agree they should be earning a living. But if they aren't dating no big deal.

 

[Dont Taz Me Bro]

Adding to that problem are unrealistic expectations of young women who are encouraged to chase "hot guys" with tatoos and swag. They pursue the swag guys which often times ends badly for them.

I mean, women have always chased after the bad boys. That's nothing new, but most of them eventually grow out of that phase.