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The Green Toys


VIP Member
Sep 22, 2013
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I thought I'd return to USMB for a Christmastime charity-themed social work story about toys, eco-activism, and modern American daydreams!

This little vignette was inspired by the responsibility-film Toys, so I hope my old readers/critics on this forum will appreciate the values-romance of this story. I won't be returning for another type story, so I hope this adds a little cinnamon for Christmastime democracy-delight (on USMB!). We need some cheering up after the whole Trump Impeachment thing anywhere we can get it, right? :cheeky-smiley-018:

Thanks for reading (and have a white Christmas, everyone!),


"Movie god Leo DiCaprio was trying to distribute green-colored toys for Christmas (to impoverished youth in Philadelphia) for a charity-program that would be covered by the media. This toy-drive would remind people of the symbolic value of green-colored toys, which could be celebrated as totems of eco-consciousness. Green is, after all, such an under-appreciated color, and Leo had done too much, he felt, in mainstream media in black-and-white."


"Leo was dating a gorgeous Asian-Indian woman named Ishala and wanted her to wear a special $1 million saree from the East which she could wear at a kickoff-party for the Christmas charity toy-drive. The saree was maroon and turquoise in color, and when friends asked Leo why Ishala didn't buy a green saree, Leo told them the $1 million maroon-and-turquoise saree represented a little welcome variety! This was a big deal to Leo, an active eco-conservationist in Hollywood."


"The toy collection that would be endorsed and marketed in the media by the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation would include some non-green colored toys such as blue-colored miniature espionage-themed Transformers (Hasbro) compact-cassette robots. However, the majority of the toys would be green in color to fit the scheme and intention of the charity initiative. Leo inspected the non-green toys and thought they were just fine!"


"An artist friend of Leo's sketched a green-hazed Lamborghini Countach to make dozens of stickers for the boxes containing the charitable toys distributed by the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation that Christmas. These Lamborghini stickers would remind the impoverished recipients in Philadelphia that wealth and fortunes of capitalism should remind us of the spiritual value of social deeds of friendship. Leo loved the drawing-stickers and happily told his team at the DiCaprio Foundation to place the stickers on all the toy-boxes."


"Leo also hired multiple fashion models to carry big metal pots with hot split-pea-and-ham soup at the shelters where the charitable toy boxes would be delivered. This was an entire army-like goal, and the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation would get incredible media attention for it. However, Leo was in it for the spiritual heroism, not the media flair. This was real charity work in modern times."


"One of Leo's favorite green-colored charitable toys was a Lego Ninjago green-and-plastic see-through ninja-samurai with weapons set. This little toy-set represented the overall theme of the charity initiative, serving to remind the young lucky recipients of the magic of the color green and why perhaps it just might inspire them to think about the spiritual importance of protecting our natural environment and green grass and green trees in this era of rampant consumerism and shopping! Leo called the green Ninjago set the 'tiffany' of the entire toy-drive."


"However, there were other nifty green-colored toys in the charity-drive such as cute Lego ninja characters and green-colored Monopoly (Parker Brothers) game-boards. Leo was hoping his Asian-Indian girlfriend Ishala would find these symbolic toys for the charity drive an excellent homage to the everyday heroism Americans could find using basic social resources and networks in the modern world. Leo decided after the New Year's, he'd buy Ishala the complete Toy Story film-collection on Blu-ray disc!"


"However, a nasty homegrown terrorist named Ajay Satan who was blogging on the Internet about the corruption of social values in modern media and the rampant distribution of pornography and wrote that the DiCaprio Foundation charity event was nothing more than a childish ploy Leo cooked up just to impress his attractive world-wise girlfriend Ishala. Ajay wanted to undermine the optimism of the Christmas-drive. Leo responded in the press by calling Ajay Satan a crude and average modern-day hypocrisy rabble-rouser."


"Nevertheless, Ajay Satan decided to leave a large model of a Transformers (Hasbro) toy espionage-themed stereo-system called Soundwave on the footsteps of Philadelphia's Independence Hall with a note attached that declared Leo DiCaprio to be a cliched rich-boy philanthropist who merely sought all kinds of media/radio pizzazz. Ajay was a real nuisance, so Leo had his personal security guards and advisors make sure there was adequate security for the Philly Christmas charity-drive. The toy stereo that Ajay left for the media to find surely revealed an anti-American interest in capitalism-gibberish."


"Of course, toys were very interesting to the American public, and sports fans, fashion fans, science fans, art fans, and even comedy fans all sought cute and symbolic culture-reflective toys (such as NFL team-themed cheese-cutting and finger-trapping sets!) that reminded all of the magic of Christmas. That's all Leo wanted to capitalize on by creating a charity toy-drive for impoverished youngsters. He was, after all, a mighty fan of the Toy Story films."


"Comic book writers at DC Comics decided to elevate the press-spotlights on the DiCaprio Foundation green-toys charity-drive by creating a new female Green Lantern character for the New Year in a series of stories about an eco-warrior princess trying to make green a popular color in American society! Leo was intrigued by this new green superheroine, since he himself was working on an eco-conscious Captain Planet film in Hollywood. Perhaps capitalism would prevail over the juvenile forces of the creepy terrorist Ajay Satan."


"Green-colored Christmas tree lights and decorations went up that holiday season in Philadelphia thanks to all the media hype created by Leo's toy-drive. Eagles (NFL) fans welcomed Leo and reminded him of the green helmets and jerseys of their recent Super Bowl winning team! Leo himself admitted this was high-quality eco-progress in modern capitalism."


"Ajay's girlfriend Ishala attended a luncheon with him at the Microsoft Company headquarters to discuss a new project involving a Windows Mobile app that enabled consumers to track celebrities working in eco-conservationism and correspond with them! Ishala wore a lovely light green-outfit to complement Leo's handsome new Dior light-green shirt-and-tie. Photographers called Leo and Ishala the new Bowie-and-Iman."


"However, Ajay Satan was not done with his subversive terrorism. He decided to leave a bunch of green soccer balls in the Philadelphia Zoo and then sent a notice to the Inquirer, claiming that the green-colored soccer balls should remind everyone that soccer is still unpopular in America as compared to the rest of the world despite the successes of the US women's national soccer team! You see, Ajay wanted the good people of Philly to brood about the hypocritical contradictions in modern civilization instead of the everyday social work Leo was espousing with his Christmastime charity miracle."


"Finally, the FBI announced they had tracked down the terrorist Ajay Satan to an abandoned warehouse outside Philly and were convinced they could bring him in for interrogation. Apparently, Satan was not tied to any official terrorist group such as ISIS, Cobra, Red Dragon, or Al-Qaeda, despite his clear intention to raise hell with offbeat modern paranoia tactics! Ajay started carrying a wooden Christian cross, claiming he was now a 'Messianic messenger' of anti-capitalism comedy!"


LEO: I'm pleased with our charity-drive success.
CNN: You were nearly sideswiped by the terrorist, Ajay Satan!
LEO: He was a real maniac...
CNN: Well, he certainly wanted to paint you as a shallow American.
LEO: You know, you always face opposition when you work in media!
CNN: True, true; what's next for the DiCaprio Foundation?
LEO: We're making treehouses in a rural white community in Florida.
CNN: That sounds pretty cool, Leo!
LEO: It's all cool; eco-oriented work is humbling and honorable.
CNN: Very nice; are you relieved Ajay Satan was arrested?
LEO: You bet; I don't want a Unabomber following me around.
CNN: Who does?
LEO: No one; I was quite offended with Ajay's 'soccer' prank.
CNN: You mean him claiming Americans don't appreciate women's soccer?
LEO: Right; the American national team (women's) won 4 World Cup titles!
CNN: True, but Ajay's right in indicating Americans' lack of interest in international soccer.
LEO: Soccer takes time to develop, and America is young; we do love soccer video-games!
CNN: Right; maybe the successes of the women's team can boost sales of soccer video-games.
LEO: Hey, if more toys raising awareness of social values are marketed, capitalism benefits.
CNN: That's exactly correct, and we're fortunate to have a celebrity like you adding to the game.
LEO: Glad I could help...and relieved the smelly terrorist Ajay Satan is behind bars.
CNN: Hail to good old fashioned detective work!




Gold Member
Oct 19, 2008
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Ching a ling , are you listenin',
In the lane, snow is glistenin'
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight.
Workin' in a winter wonderland.

Go and save all your pennies,
We'll come play with your genny's
They'll hum right along, as we sing along,
Workin' in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we can build a windmill,
Then pretend that we're the green machine
They'll say it's all overkill man
But we'll take whatever we can glean

Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by the fire
To bill unafraid,
The OT that we've made,
Workin' in a winter wonderland.

When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
Cause our trades out a shillin'
We'll frolic and play, the 'Lectricians way,
Workin' in a winter wonderland.

~S~ w apologies to green carolers


VIP Member
Sep 22, 2013
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Chapter 2: The Bills

Sorry folks, I felt the nagging discomfort of leaving this board with a final post that happened to be too focused on terrorism dogma, so I decided to make myself feel more safe-and-secure with this democratic addendum about modern media football-soccer Dianetics. I hope you like it...and Happy New Year!


A copycat read the intriguing story about Ajay Satan and decided to complicate celebrity Leo DiCaprio's life in the media. Leo was cheering for an MLS (Major League Soccer) team in LA, since he made a press-statement about the value of cheering on soccer after the successes of the US women's national team at the women's World Cup soccer tournament. Leo stated that Americans had become obsessed with football (NFL) fanfare and were neglecting the sport celebrated all around the world (not football!) --- soccer. However, this Satan-copycat wanted to add some spice. What would transpire in the media?


Leo was a big fan of the NFL (football) and in fact liked the Buffalo Bills who had reached but lost 4 Super Bowls! In contrast, the US women's national soccer team had reached and won 4 World Cup championships! Leo wanted to root for an LA soccer team which was playing as part of the MLS. He showed up with his new girlfriend and took photos of the game on his iPhone. Leo didn't know that the Satan-copycat, an Irish-American fanatic and ironically a Buffalo Bills (NFL) fan from the city of Buffalo (NY), was at the MLS game and wanted to see if Leo really did care as much about soccer as he did about football.


Leo had collected some Buffalo Bills NFL trading-cards, mostly Donruss, and was therefore clearly a proud NFL fan, though he preferred the NBA (basketball) and the LA Lakers (Shaq-Kobe). Leo was at the MLS soccer game and had actually brought with him a 2019 Bills Donruss team trading-card pack to show fans and help increase some media spotlighting of football-soccer 'crossover fans' in America. Leo's new girlfriend happened to be a fan of the US women's national soccer team.


The Satan-copycat who was also at the MLS game brought his Luis Figo signed world-soccer trading-card and took photos of it and printed the photos on posters which he began distributing to fans at the game. Leo noticed this colorful MLS fan and wanted to converse with him. This Satan-copycat, an Irish-American from Buffalo (NY), was a 40 year-old red-headed man named Richard Jem. Jem took his signed Figo soccer-card and showed it to Leo who was quite impressed by it!


Jem then showed Leo photos of Mexican soccer team cheerleaders on his iPhone to boast to Leo that he'd once played for the team and had dated three of the cheerleaders on the Mexican squad! Leo was further impressed and complimented Jem for his clear fanfare of world soccer in the modern era. Leo was intrigued by the color and pizzazz of the Mexican soccer cheerleaders and wondered how soccer might become more 'media-designed' in America. Jem began giggling.


Three weeks later, Jem released a photo of himself dressed/costumed as a blue-colored Spider-Man (Marvel Comics) superhero to the LA times, challenging celebrity/actor (and new MLS fan!) Leo DiCaprio to come up with new and creative ways to celebrate football-soccer crossover fans in America. Jem sent the Spidey-photo in an op-ed of the social value of citizenry-fanfare surrounding modern-day sports marketed in the media and on television. In the incendiary op-ed in the Times, Jem wrote, "I wonder how DiCaprio might use his celebrity-spotlight to showcase how any American might find soccer fanfare democratic in lieu of the recent victories of the US women's national team!"


Leo was outraged and released a retort-statement in the Times, claiming that he was as strong and outspoken a fan of MLS (Major League Soccer) in America as any other good/patriotic American cheering on the successes of the US women's national team at the World Cup tournament! After all, the World Cup tournaments had bred real global superstars, even though soccer remained a mostly unmarketed undominant sport in America, falling way behind football, baseball, basketball, and even ice-hockey. Leo claimed that new age soccer fanfare in American media required a mature focus on the aesthetics of athletics-design.


Jem then sent another op-ed to the Times in which he included photos of toy blue-colored machine-guns from a patriotic paramilitary comic book series he found in Canada. In the op-ed, Jem wrote, "DiCaprio might not be surprised if continental terrorists seep in through Canada and claim that Americans simply don't appreciate soccer in the spotlight despite the success of the US women's national team, which compels me to wonder if DiCaprio is truly using his media-spotlight to help his new girlfriend (an apparent fan of US women's soccer!) market soccer in America!" Jem knew that soccer was still popular in America mostly at the high-school and collegiate level and wanted to incite Leo to think more creatively about soccer advertising by celebrities who happened to cheer on athletes on TV.


Leo once again released a retort-statement, claiming that he was not negligent of women-in-sports and in fact happened to be a huge fan of women in other realms of American media/society such as comic books! In fact, Leo claimed he was an outspoken fan of the DC Comics anti-heroine Catwoman who'd been portrayed in profiled Hollywood (USA) films by known actresses including Michelle Pfeiffer and Anne Hathaway. Richard Jem knew he'd incited the right kind of dramatic responses from Leo DiCaprio!


Well, Leo didn't become a celebrity for no reason or for just his on-screen acting. He happened to be a savvy socialite and outspoken eco-activist and celebrity political-activist, so he knew the ins-and-outs of media threads. Therefore, Leo decided to 'challenge' Richard Jem in a new op-ed in the LA Times in which he presented a photo of a classic Samsung pink girls' Walkman, claiming that Jem was not necessarily versed in 'media-tech' just because he was suddenly an outspoken advocate of women-in-sports and daring celebrities to help cheer the US women's national soccer team! Jem was challenged.


Jem decided to dress up in a mask and place pink-and-white striped Phlox flowers all over Leo's front lawn one early morning. When Leo discovered this showcase of mischief, he called the FBI and demanded that they see if a new Satan-copycat was now stalking him and inciting him to some kind of media debacle just as the bizarre terrorist Ajay Satan had done earlier! The FBI went on a search for suspects of the 'Phlox-Prank' (as it was described in the Times) and made Richard Jem one of its prime suspects!


Leo decided to continue challenging Richard Jem by posting photos of Buffalo Bills (NFL) girls fangear on his Internet-blog and Facebook page, claiming that youthful fanfare among young girls in America served as signs of Americans' imaginative approach to sports fanfare and community values. This would be a response to Jem's claim that DiCaprio was not sensitive enough to appreciate the media value of cheering on women-in-sports. Was DiCaprio right...or was Jem diabolical?


The attractiveness of a new generation of soccer cheerleaders around the world began adding spice and color to the media fanfare surrounding world-soccer in the modern era. That's why Richard Jem wanted to make Leo's work with MLS-fanfare seem a bit more daunting. Jem wanted to do what Ajay Satan did to Leo's work with eco-consciousness --- add some delicious media-terrorism. This was great American drama, ironically!


Leo decided to have his executive consorts at the next MLS game hoist a green-and-white striped flag. Leo took photos of the flag for his new Internet-blog about the value of aesthetics in new age sports-fanfare and why celebrities had opportunities to cheer on soccer but were not necessarily resourced enough to boast the aesthetics-flair (or creativity angles!) of sports diarism. Leo knew Jem would have no choice now but to claim that Leo was doing everything in his power to promote the 'dogma-aesthetics' of soccer in the media.


Jem surrendered his challenge and claimed that Leo's green-and-white striped flag hoisted at the recent MLS soccer-game was a solid sign that celebrities were using their power and influence and limited resources to promote soccer as an 'aesthetically-designed sport' in modern media. DiCaprio was relieved, thinking he'd dodged a potentially deadly Satan-copycat. Would this media contest seriously add to soccer intrigue in America...or was this all a 'democratic' vanity?




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Sep 22, 2013
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Inter Milan: Leo's Deuteronomy

I was thrilled by the idea of linking a media-celebrity (Leo DiCaprio) to the marketing-friendly world sport of soccer, so I decided to include a New Year's design-vignette about a celebrity traveling to Rome with the goal of linking women's soccer to democratic dials (and consumerism in general). I hope you find it...dreamy!

Don't the Italians make great toys? Anybody aware?



"Leo decided to go to Rome (Italy) for his new movie premiere, and he wanted to take time to do some fashion-world media investments in the world of European soccer. He was somewhat scarred by the notion that as a media-celebrity in America, he was neglecting the world-appeal of soccer, despite the recent successes of the US women's national soccer team! Therefore, Leo wanted to do some fun media 'craftsmanship' in Italy and invest in the Italian Serie A club-team Inter Milan while he was doing movie-marketing there. It was practical ambition."


"While Leo preferred basketball and football to soccer and cheered on teams like the LA Lakers and the LA Rams instead of MLS soccer teams or even the US women's national soccer team, he was interested in doing some media work with European soccer now. Inter Milan was an outstanding European pro-club soccer team boasting legendary players in its history including Ronaldo, Vieri, Baresi, Eto'o, and Roberto Baggio. Therefore, Leo decided he'd do Euro-soccer cheering by visiting and working with Inter Milan management while showcasing his new Hollywood movie in Rome."


"Leo was given a press-kit by the Inter Milan executives and kept a team-photo poster for himself! He was interested in somehow linking Inter Milan soccer with some of the other aspects of Italian culture that Americans could identity with, so he chose the world of fashion! Of course, Inter Milan soccer players were not necessarily linked to the world of fashion, even if some of them had/were dating fashion-models. Nevertheless, Leo recruited his PR-agent to help him give Inter Milan some 'fashion world' flair for his media project."


"Rome was such a storied city full of such rich culture and tradition and homages to ancient architecture that Leo wondered if he could link the art of photography to the world of fashion and thereby use Inter Milan soccer-stars for some kind of Europe-USA media-campaign that could be connected somehow to the successes of the US women's national soccer team! Leo started with a bunch of customized photos of modern-day Rome."


"Leo then took classic sports trading-cards, most of them signed by the stars themselves, of iconic Inter Milan soccer-stars, including the great Roberto Baggio himself. Baggio helped Italy reach the World Cup final in 1994 but lost to Brazil in penalty-kicks, which was heartbreaking but which nevertheless canonized Baggio as one of the greatest Italian soccer-stars of all time. Why hadn't such soccer-drama reached American shores? Leo wanted to somehow link fashion to Inter Milan soccer, so he continued his project with his Inter Milan soccer-star trading-cards."


"Leo then took his PR-agent to Rome's fashion district and began a little initiative with Italian designer Fabio Romani (FR). Leo and FR decided to do a new line of autumn blazers/jackets, featuring some of the best Italian fashion-models. Leo and FR would use the photo-spreads of these models in lifestyle-ready fashionable blazers/jackets to advertise hip young Romans cheering on Inter Milan during special UEFA Champions League games. Leo would then use these fashionable photos to promote the idea that women-in-sports was elevated thanks to the linkage of soccer to life itself!"


"Leo then went to a celebratory lunch with Inter Milan soccer-superstar Roberto Baggio at a very chic and expensive outdoor Roman bistro called Il Roma. Leo and Baggio had a panini-with-veal, pasta bowl with pesto and caviar, Italian red wine, shrimp-and-vinegar salad, and salmon lasagna. They were stuffed, and Baggio recommended when Leo returned to America, he talked about the US women's national soccer team becoming fans of Italian chefs!"


LEO: "After touring Rome for the premiere of my new Hollywood film, I decided to do some fun and creative media-legwork with photography and fashion-world work and Inter Milan club-soccer marketing. After hyping the magazine-friendly aesthetics of soccer, fashion, and Italian couture in general, I realized that women in America find soccer an intriguing market, because it offers us great views into the world of human taste. I'm psyched to see more documentaries and films being made about the successes of the US women's national soccer team. I don't like the idea that as a man, I'm biased towards male-dominated American sports such as basketball and football."



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