LetÂ’s say thereÂ’s this person called America. Now, thereÂ’s a person standing next to America named Gop. Gop is holding a loaded gun to the side of AmericaÂ’s head, and is demanding that you hand over fifty puppies, or heÂ’s going to shoot America in the head.
Like any sensible person, you hand over fifty puppies, because you donÂ’t want to see America get shot in the head. Gop takes the puppies and America lives.
Now, a couple months later, Gop and America are at it again. I guess America is GopÂ’s mistress or something, I donÂ’t really know. The difference is that this time, Gop has put all the puppies in a cage and wired it with explosives.
Gop is now demanding five hundred puppies. If Gop doesnÂ’t get five hundred puppies, heÂ’s going to shoot America in the head, and blow up the fifty puppies you already gave him.
Now letÂ’s say you get all five hundred puppies and deliver them to Gop, and tell Gop that in exchange for these five hundred puppies, you would really appreciate it if Gop would hand over the detonator for the fifty puppies wired with explosives, and the gun heÂ’s holding to the head of America.
Gop refuses. Gop now has a gun against AmericaÂ’s temple, the hammer is cocked, and he has fifty puppies wired with explosives, with an offer for five hundred more if heÂ’ll just put down the gun and detonator.
The problem is that Gop canÂ’t do that, because Teaparty, his former partner, is holding his wife, Reelection, hostage too. If Gop doesnÂ’t get all the puppies, and keeps the gun and detonator, Teaparty is going to shoot GopÂ’s wife Reelection in the head.
Now, for this to untangle itself, someone has to die. Either Gop blows up the puppies and shoots America in the head because you wonÂ’t give in to their completely unreasonable demands, or America and the puppies live because Gop gave you the gun and detonator, but Teaparty killed GopÂ’s wife, Reelection.
There is a third and fourth way. Gop turns around and shoots Teaparty, sparing his wife, mistress, and puppies, or Gop shoots himself, thus freeing America and the puppies and leaving Teaparty out in the cold.
So really, itÂ’s a double hostage situation. The Democrats are offering the world to the GOP to keep them from blowing it all up, but the GOP canÂ’t take the deal because if they do, the Tea Party will go ******* nuts and everyone that votes for it will face a primary challenge.