Zone1 Taking mother's keys

[d0gbreath]

Let me know when it's acceptable for a child to make decisions for a parent. I'm a 68 y/o child. My mid-80s parents decided to stop driving on their own. It's not the offspring's place to dictate.

 

[fncceo]

If you are worried, why let her drive at all? Thats very irresponsible of you.

I do believe 90-years-old is above the age of legal consent. No one, except the state who issues her driver license, has the right to tell her she can, or cannot drive.

 

[Grumblenuts]

Let me know when it's acceptable for a child to make decisions for a parent. I'm a 68 y/o child. My mid-80s parents decided to stop driving on their own.

When that child has been granted DPOA over financial and health decisions on their parent's behalf as witnessed by a notary and that parent loses their ability to drive safely from that child's perspective. Nothing nefarious about it. Those who can still drive safely in their 80s and 90s? Great!

 

[bodecea]

My mother is 94 yeas old. Still lives alone, teaches a sunday school class, and is almost as active and alert as any 60 year old. The only problem is her driving is getting scary. Taking her keys would break her heart, and I don't want what little time she has left to be spent feeling betrayed and angry at her kids. I'm thinking about telling her that something extremely expensive is wrong with her car, but it should be fine as long as she only drives it the short distance from home to church, or from home to the local store. Anything more than the 1/2 mile radious around her house will ruin her car. No more interstate driving to the larger town across the river. Anybody here who has had to deal with taking an old person's keys? How did you do it?

Take the cap and rotor...my BIL had to do that to my dad's car.

 

[fncceo]

Take the cap and rotor...my BIL had to do that to my dad's car.

I don't think there are many cars out their with distributor caps any more. Ignition timing is all electronic for the past couple of decades.

 

[bodecea]

And that's exactly what will happen if we can't find some way to do it without being confrontational.

Think about if she hurts or kills herself or others... you'd have a hard time living with that...not to mention the liability.

 

[bodecea]

I don't think there are many cars out their with distributor caps any more. Ignition timing is all electronic for the past couple of decades.

Well it was an old minivan.

 

[Moonglow]

My mother is 94 yeas old. Still lives alone, teaches a sunday school class, and is almost as active and alert as any 60 year old. The only problem is her driving is getting scary. Taking her keys would break her heart, and I don't want what little time she has left to be spent feeling betrayed and angry at her kids. I'm thinking about telling her that something extremely expensive is wrong with her car, but it should be fine as long as she only drives it the short distance from home to church, or from home to the local store. Anything more than the 1/2 mile radious around her house will ruin her car. No more interstate driving to the larger town across the river. Anybody here who has had to deal with taking an old person's keys? How did you do it?

My Mother In Law totaled the car because my wife let her keep her keys, even after driving the wrong way on the interstate.

 

[BULLDOG]

Let me know when it's acceptable for a child to make decisions for a parent. I'm a 68 y/o child. My mid-80s parents decided to stop driving on their own. It's not the offspring's place to dictate.

Ok. What if they didn't decide to stop driving, but watching them go down the road is scary as hell?

 

[BULLDOG]

Take the cap and rotor...my BIL had to do that to my dad's car.

Might end up doing that. I don't want her to spend what time she has left feeling angry and insulted because her kids didn't show her the respect she deserves. That's really not what it is, but it's what she would think.

 

[surada]

My mother is 94 yeas old. Still lives alone, teaches a sunday school class, and is almost as active and alert as any 60 year old. The only problem is her driving is getting scary. Taking her keys would break her heart, and I don't want what little time she has left to be spent feeling betrayed and angry at her kids. I'm thinking about telling her that something extremely expensive is wrong with her car, but it should be fine as long as she only drives it the short distance from home to church, or from home to the local store. Anything more than the 1/2 mile radious around her house will ruin her car. No more interstate driving to the larger town across the river. Anybody here who has had to deal with taking an old person's keys? How did you do it?

She's going to be pissed.... and you're it. Maybe you can find a driver for her.

 

[BULLDOG]

Think about if she hurts or kills herself or others... you'd have a hard time living with that...not to mention the liability.

And that's my dilemma.

 

[d0gbreath]

When that child has been granted DPOA over financial and health decisions on their parent's behalf as witnessed by a notary and that parent loses their ability to drive safely from that child's perspective. Nothing nefarious about it. Those who can still drive safely in their 80s and 90s? Great!

I don't know what the 'D' stands for. I've been granted POA for my parents. I still ask them what they want to do, I don't tell them to do anything. It's still not my place.

 

[d0gbreath]

Ok. What if they didn't decide to stop driving, but watching them go down the road is scary as hell?

Don't watch.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

Don't watch.

Yes, it is your duty as mature adult and loving family member to detect, inspect, select, and correct. It's not the age or parent/child relationship that decides this: it is whether they are incompetent to the point they can hurt themselves and others.

 

[d0gbreath]

Yes, it is your duty as mature adult and loving family member to detect, inspect, select, and correct. It's not the age or parent/child relationship that decides this: it is whether they are incompetent to the point they can hurt themselves and others.

That would apply if a parent is a serious dementia case. Bad hearing, eyesight, and slow reactions aren't enough, or I'd give up my keys.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

That would apply if a parent is a serious dementia case. Bad hearing, eyesight, and slow reactions aren't enough, or I'd give up my keys.

We are talking about parents, and all of those things combined are reasons to take away the keys.

 

[Grumblenuts]

I don't know what the 'D' stands for. I've been granted POA for my parents. I still ask them what they want to do, I don't tell them to do anything. It's still not my place.

Durable. I shouldn't have assumed it's the same everywhere, but here in PA:

A power of attorney (or POA) is a legal document that gives one person (the "agent") the authority to act for another person (the "principal").

A POA is useful if you can't be present to take care of a financial matter or want someone to take care of your finances or medical treatment in the event you become incapacitated—what Pennsylvania law refers to as disabled or incapacitated.

Traditionally, a POA ended if the principal became incapacitated. A POA that continues after incapacity is called a "durable" POA. Traditionally, a POA also became effective immediately upon being signed. A POA that only becomes effective if the principal becomes incapacitated is called a "springing" POA (which by its nature is also durable).

Under Pennsylvania law, a POA is durable unless it specifically states otherwise. It may also be a springing POA if so provided.

My parents drove me down to see their fancy estate planning lawyer in Philly one day. IIRC it was July something, 1994. The lawyer pulled out one multi-page document after another and said sign here, here, and here. I'm sure he explained what I signing a bit, but my parents didn't seem interested in discussing it further at all. I mainly gathered that I was going to be the primary executor of their Will, my sister the secondary. But, boy howdy, did I need to figure out what each and every word of those documents meant later on.. Family members can be brutally stupid when they sense there's money or power at stake.

 

[d0gbreath]

We are talking about parents, and all of those things combined are reasons to take away the keys.

I can't, in all honesty, disagree with you and BULLDOG. I wouldn't tell the lie about the car being only mechanically sound enough to stay in a small radius though. Mom will know that you're lying. It's what they do.