Zone1 Taking mother's keys

[BULLDOG]

Tell her:

Mom, you're 94 and I want you to see 104, so rather than worry me half to death, start using that service that picks you up and takes you home for MY peace of mind!

Tried that. She appreciates the concern, and promises to be careful, but nobody's getting her keys.

 

[Concerned American]

Tried that. She appreciates the concern, and promises to be careful, but nobody's getting her keys.

Does she know how to connect the battery cable to the starter?

 

[White 6]

Tried that. She appreciates the concern, and promises to be careful, but nobody's getting her keys.

Again, you said she is active and alert as a 60-year-old. What kind of driving mistakes are making her driving scary. My brother and I went through this with our father. He was not alert, his thinking not correct, as he had Alzheimer. You sound as if that is not the case.

 

[BULLDOG]

What kind of mistakes is making here driving scary?

Mostly judging distances and fast starts and stops. It seems she realizes she is not sure of distances. When pulling out of a parking lot she often spins her tires in case oncoming traffic is closer than she thinks. Not much slowing down before making left turns across trafic.

 

[skye]

Difficult situation OP....


just to add......maybe she should drive only very short trips and not often , and somebody should go with her in the car!

 

[BULLDOG]

You really shouldn't do this. She is not a child. She'll stop driving when she is ready. Those keys are her security blanket. Perhaps you should try to take her places regularly so she feels less of a need to drive except when it is necessary.

Been doing that for a while. It's partially an ego thing. She doesn't want to admit she is to the point where changes must be made, and an occsional trip down the interstate helps her think she's not so old after all.

 

[BULLDOG]

Does she know how to connect the battery cable to the starter?

She knows how to ask the kid next door to do it for her.

 

[BULLDOG]

Difficult situation OP....


just to add......maybe she should drive only very short trips and not often , and somebody should go with her in the car!

Started that many months ago. I was supposed to take her shopping today. She left me a note saying it was such a pretty day so she decided to go earlier than we had agreed to.

 

[skye]

Started that many months ago. I was supposed to take her shopping today. She left me a note saying it was such a pretty day so she decided to go earlier than we had agreed to.

Then take the keys, but you must take her shopping or wherever she needs to go

 

[BULLDOG]

Then take the keys, but you must take her shopping or wherever she needs to go

That's the point. Taking her anywhere she wants to go is a given. This is just a last ditch effort to keep her from feeling betrayed by her kids. No, it's not a betrayal, but that won't stop her from feeling like it is.

 

[White 6]

Mostly judging distances and fast starts and stops. It seems she realizes she is not sure of distances. When pulling out of a parking lot she often spins her tires in case oncoming traffic is closer than she thinks. Not much slowing down before making left turns across trafic.

How is her vision?

 

[BULLDOG]

How is her vision?

Not bad. She wears glasses, but has her eyes checked regularly.

 

[White 6]

Not bad. She wears glasses, but has her eyes checked regularly.

If having problems with depth perception and or precise muscle control unusual for her until late, changes in vision was just the first thing I thought of. It does sound medical though. If you haven't looked into that, I would, and probably before taking keys, though it might be necessary.

We went through it with dad. Wish he had been in your mom's mental condition, but no. Just like granddad, and my uncle on father's side, Alzheimer was kicking in, all three around age 85. Dad waited too late with Grandad when dad was just a little younger than I am now. There was a wreck that almost killed grandmother, and broke granddad's neck. They get brittle with age. The wreck did not kill him, but the rigid cast and halo drilled into his skull locking him down did.

Hate to hear it for you. When the time comes, you will just have to do what you have to do.

 

[BULLDOG]

If having problems with depth perception and or precise muscle control unusual for her until late, changes in vision was just the first thing I thought of. It does sound medical though. If you haven't looked into that, I would, and probably before taking keys, though it might be necessary.

We went through it with dad. Wish he had been in your mom's mental condition, but no. Just like granddad, and my uncle on father's side, Alzheimer was kicking in, all three around age 85. Dad waited too late with Grandad when dad was just a little younger than I am now. There was a wreck that almost killed grandmother, and broke granddad's neck. They get brittle with age. The wreck did not kill him, but the rigid cast and halo drilled into his skull locking him down did.

Hate to hear it for you. When the time comes, you will just have to do what you have to do.

Doesn't seem to be any medical problems that aren't normal for a person that age. She needs a walker, and her joints hurt sometimes, keeps a regular check on her blood sugar and pressure. Sees a cardiologist, a gerintologist, regularly, and my daughter, the BAFERD checks her out regularly.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

That's her problem. Take the keys and tell her to call you or the others when she wants to go somewhere.

 

[BULLDOG]

That's her problem. Take the keys and tell her to call you or the others when she wants to go somewhere.

And that's exactly what will happen if we can't find some way to do it without being confrontational.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

Where is your duty paramount: her or the safety of others?

I did not have to face that situation, thankfully.

 

[toobfreak]

Tried that. She appreciates the concern, and promises to be careful, but nobody's getting her keys.

Then she is a free balloon: Either she will prove your concerns unjustified or she will have a horrific crash and be forced to admit you were right all along.

 

[White 6]

Doesn't seem to be any medical problems that aren't normal for a person that age. She needs a walker, and her joints hurt sometimes, keeps a regular check on her blood sugar and pressure. Sees a cardiologist, a gerintologist, regularly, and my daughter, the BAFERD checks her out regularly.

Glad she's doing well otherwise. Do your best to take care of your mom, dude.

 

[Grumblenuts]

I had DPOA and took my mom's keys after she'd dented her rather new car multiple times, front, back and sides, negotiating the garage.. and got hopelessly lost a couple of times shopping until the police called.. then she drove all over the lawn and ran over bushes where she was considering moving to.. They said no after that..

By then we'd had several related family discussions though I was the only one left within five hundred miles of her, had to work, raise kids, and deal with multiple properties, so could seldom drive her anywhere. She soon found some way of moving herself to a nearby assisted living place with her pissy, overweight cat as her mental faculties grew dismal. They took her cat away..

Then she fell while walking to a nearby store. The hospital (social worker?) insisted she could only be released to a nursing home. I fought that recommended, shitty, overpriced "nursing home" tooth and nail and had her moved to a better assisted living place that promised to care for her to the end. They took much better care of her for five or six years before also insisting she needed nursing home care. Then I brought her home and had hospice help us take of her for another two years until she died. That was my best decision..

But I still dunno if just letting her crash head on into a garbage truck would have been a better outcome for her