In response to the OP's questions.........
Yeah. I have contemplated suicide, on several occasions. On one occasion I was going to drink drain cleaner, because the things I'd been through were almost too much for me to handle. I was 13 at the time.
On another occasion, I'd been drinking at a bar, and was contemplating my life. I'd gotten separated, had a son, and was slowly watching my life go down the toilet. I decided to drive my bicycle in front of a semi truck and end it all. I knew it would be quick, and called a friend of mine to tell them thanks for being there, but I couldn't take it anymore. They called someone else and saved my life.
In about the end of 1994, I again took assessment of my life and decided that I no longer wanted to be here. I called a friend of mine named Ned and told him thanks for being my mentor, but again........the pain was too much and I wanted to end it all.
He asked me if I could hold off long enough to meet him for lunch at Howard Johnson's. I told him that because he'd taught me lots of good stuff, I owed him at least that much.
I went up to the Ho Jo's in my uniform and cried like a baby when he read me Chapter 9 of Og Mandino's book "The Greatest Miracle In The World". It's called The God Memorandum.
Changed my life actually..............
I then realized that we live to say no to death. I also learned that when other people's voices were too weak to say no, as a fellow human being, I was obligated to help them shout "NO" when THEIR voices were too weak, because my voice was strong.
Bottom line? If you feel really bad about yourself, go out in the world and look for someone to help. Doesn't really matter who or what you do. Give a couple of bucks to some homeless person on the street, hold the door open for someone behind you, offer to pay for the coffee for the person behind you........
Trust me...........do those things, and living becomes the most important thing in the world to you.
Why? Simple............because you're useful to someone else (actually, you're God's agent on Earth, looking for someone to help), you have a good reason to live.
Works for me anyway.