So why did Ray Rice's victim MARRY her attacker a month later?

[Care4all]

maybe part of why she married him, was to make their daughter that they had together, "legitimate" vs illegitimate....

Please try to volunteer or have your wives volunteer in a homeless shelter for battered women.... you all would learn a great deal on how messed up these relationships are....and how complicated.....

 

[Bfgrn]

I thought they had a child together in 2013 or before?

Women who are abused, stay with their guy for many reasons....but mainly it is because through the abuser, they are made to believe that they are the ones causing the abuse to happen....and they are not the ones that make their other half do this....this is the problem of the abuser himself or herself.... it takes a lot of counseling and examining of oneself, and celebrating oneself, as a decent and honorable human being that does not deserve any kind of abuse from anyone....many of these women have also had an abusive father...abusive to their mother, and are scarred and affected by this situation early on and don't develop enough self confidence in themselves to know that NO ONE deserves to be beaten. Men who hit women also usually come from a father or father like figure, who was abusive to their mother...

These women are made to believe that they could not get along in life without their partner, that they are crap without them...that they would just fail and be the nothing of a human being that they are....this is part of the abuse...it isn't just the hitting, it is psychological warfare, daily verbal abuse....

I don't know if this relationship between the 2 of them is this kind of relationship or not, but the signs so far, show that they may be....

READ the book:

''Men who hate women, and the women who love them''

You know what the solution is? Seeing how women are incapable of being adults and making up their own minds, incapable of making their own choices, incapable of having agency and being responsible for the choices they make, the best solution is to once again keep them as dependents of their fathers until the woman's mother and father choose a husband for her for they'll be more level headed in their husband search that a woman who's looking for love and is making the wrong choice.

There you go, women don't have agency, they're "made to believe" so it's grossly irresponsible to let women loose on society without parental chaperonage to keep them safe. Problem solved.

WOW, besides being a white supremacist, you are a male chauvinist. It adds up.

Look, the creationist has crawled out from under his rock. You still believe man and dinosaur lived together?

Anyways, to your comment, I'm not the one that's arguing that women are "made to believe." If women can't live up to adult standards, the primary criterion being "think for yourself" then clearly we need to do something to protect women from harm. My little children can't yet think for themselves so I protect them. If women need parental protection until they can think for themselves, then we'd all have to be cruel and insensitive to the danger they face if we ignored their call for help.

Besides being a creationist, are you also cruel and insensitive to the plight of women who can't look after themselves?

This is a prime example of hair brain ideas from pea brains driven by dogma and doctrinaire.

PLEASE tell us how this "solution" will be enforced? If this woman is "incapable of being adult", what make you think she will accept your imposed parental control? Will you impose it through beatings,government fiat? And if you believe so strongly in 'evolution', then she is probably smarter than her parents.

Jeez, haven't you been paying attention? The solution is simple, the women will just "be made to believe" that this is a good idea. See how easy that was?

Your ignorance on the subject is astounding. Maybe you should have your wife volunteer at a homeless shelter for abused women, then she can explain it to you. Maybe you should read a bit more on the subject too....it won't hurt you to become more informed on the subject....honestly, it won't....

Why would you assume she disagrees with me? She, like I, thinks women are capable of thinking for themselves. I certainly am not susceptible to "being made to believe" and my wife is the same. We both believe women have agency, they can make choices and be held responsible for their choices.

Now if some women aren't up to that task, then perhaps we need to keep them under parental control until they're mentally and emotionally developed enough to enter the world of adults.\

What you're doing is making excuses for women. Bad things have happened to abused women and we can never assign any blame to female victims. That's a demeaning mindset. It robs these women of agency. If they're feeling powerless then you amplify that powerlessness by telling them that they were indeed putty in the hands of their husband whereas if you made them own their own decisions they'd learn from the experience and find the resolve to change their way of thinking, they'd try to make better decisions.

You didn't answer my question...HOW do you "keep them under parental control"? force? government fiat??

 

[ShootSpeeders]

[
Your ignorance on the subject is astounding. Maybe you should have your wife volunteer at a homeless shelter for abused women, then she can explain it to you. Maybe you should read a bit more on the subject too....it won't hurt you to become more informed on the subject....honestly, it won't....

90% of the women at shelters for abused women made it all up in preparation for a divorce filing. Women marry for money and they divorce for money. THINK

 

[ShootSpeeders]

Damn right i blame the victim. Battered women should leave the man but they seldom do. "But - he's my meal ticket. If i leave him i'll have to get a job".

So that makes it okay for him to beat her?

All depends. If she backsassed him, then sure.

 

[JoeB131]

Damn right i blame the victim. Battered women should leave the man but they seldom do. "But - he's my meal ticket. If i leave him i'll have to get a job".

So that makes it okay for him to beat her?

All depends. If she backsassed him, then sure.

I would say you have issues with women, but judging by your attitudes, I doubt anything with ovaries would get near you.

 

[Mathbud1]

Whereas what you're doing is blaming the victim.

Yes, she has responsibility for choosing to stay with a man who is abusive. But that's not the same as "blame." Blame is saying that she's caused it, was responsible for it continuing, and had control over the situation. When you talk blame, you're pointing a finger one way. Responsibility means that both parties made choices. But her choice to stay isn't as injurious to him as his choice to knock her cold was to her. Or do you believe that her actions are somehow hurting the man who hit her?

Her choice is hurting HER.

 

[ricechickie]

Her choice is hurting HER.

Yes. So, she is the victim of his abuse and she is the victim of her own choices.

Nowhere is he much of a victim.

 

[Jarlaxle]

maybe part of why she married him, was to make their daughter that they had together, "legitimate" vs illegitimate....

Please try to volunteer or have your wives volunteer in a homeless shelter for battered women.... you all would learn a great deal on how messed up these relationships are....and how complicated.....

My wife did, for two years before leaving in disgust. Her exact words: "The kindest thing you could do to most of those women is to put bullets in their heads."

 

[Rikurzhen]

Why would you assume she disagrees with me? She, like I, thinks women are capable of thinking for themselves. I certainly am not susceptible to "being made to believe" and my wife is the same. We both believe women have agency, they can make choices and be held responsible for their choices.

Now if some women aren't up to that task, then perhaps we need to keep them under parental control until they're mentally and emotionally developed enough to enter the world of adults.\

What you're doing is making excuses for women. Bad things have happened to abused women and we can never assign any blame to female victims. That's a demeaning mindset. It robs these women of agency. If they're feeling powerless then you amplify that powerlessness by telling them that they were indeed putty in the hands of their husband whereas if you made them own their own decisions they'd learn from the experience and find the resolve to change their way of thinking, they'd try to make better decisions.

Whereas what you're doing is blaming the victim.

Of course I am. I blame a victim who gets drunk at a party and then jumps off a bridge and into a river to cool off and breaks his neck or gets into a car to get more beer and drives into a ditch and suffers major injuries.

If I can blame them, then I can blame women too. Are women children, who must be protected from being blamed?

Yes, she has responsibility for choosing to stay with a man who is abusive. But that's not the same as "blame." Blame is saying that she's caused it, was responsible for it continuing, and had control over the situation. When you talk blame, you're pointing a finger one way. Responsibility means that both parties made choices. But her choice to stay isn't as injurious to him as his choice to knock her cold was to her. Or do you believe that her actions are somehow hurting the man who hit her?

It's not really her choice to STAY that is at the heart of the problem, though it is a downstream decision point. She could have left him but the blame lies earlier. She could have chosen a baby rabbit of a man, but instead she chose a bear cub. Now she is surprised that the bear cub turned into a mean grizzly years into her marriage. The roots of her husband's behavior were there in the beginning and she was quite likely attracted to that aspect of his personality, just when expressed in a minor way.

If I become attracted to a woman who is promiscuous and is a devil in the bedroom and we get married and she starts cheating on me, then I have only myself to blame for the hurt I'm feeling when I discover her infidelity.

As for her actions towards her husband? Who can say. Women are masters of using words and emotions to inflict abuse, but what they do isn't treated as abuse by the legal system. I'd rather take a punch to the head and be knocked unconscious than be treated to this. Seriously.

 

[Rikurzhen]

Her choice is hurting HER.

Yes. So, she is the victim of his abuse and she is the victim of her own choices.

Nowhere is he much of a victim.

You don't know that. Life is like a movie. What we've just seen is one frame of the move, a snapshot in time. You may be correct, but maybe you're not. To know we need to see the movie of their life, not one or two snapshots of particularly dramatic moments in pubic.

 

[ricechickie]

Of course I am. I blame a victim who gets drunk at a party and then jumps off a bridge and into a river to cool off and breaks his neck or gets into a car to get more beer and drives into a ditch and suffers major injuries.

If I can blame them, then I can blame women too. Are women children, who must be protected from being blamed?



It's not really her choice to STAY that is at the heart of the problem, though it is a downstream decision point. She could have left him but the blame lies earlier. She could have chosen a baby rabbit of a man, but instead she chose a bear cub. Now she is surprised that the bear cub turned into a mean grizzly years into her marriage. The roots of her husband's behavior were there in the beginning and she was quite likely attracted to that aspect of his personality, just when expressed in a minor way.

If I become attracted to a woman who is promiscuous and is a devil in the bedroom and we get married and she starts cheating on me, then I have only myself to blame for the hurt I'm feeling when I discover her infidelity.

As for her actions towards her husband? Who can say. Women are masters of using words and emotions to inflict abuse, but what they do isn't treated as abuse by the legal system. I'd rather take a punch to the head and be knocked unconscious than be treated to this. Seriously.

You act like every character trait will necessarily continue to its most extreme conclusion.

I married a comic. He made me laugh. That is part of his personality, and a large part of why I love him. That doesn't mean that his sense of humor has grown to cruel, or insensitive proportions. I mean, he's not now laughing when I break a bone.

So, if a woman is attracted to a man who is dominant, that's not license for him to abuse her. If you're attracted to a woman who is very sexual, that's not license for her to cuckold you.

 

[ricechickie]

You don't know that. Life is like a movie. What we've just seen is one frame of the move, a snapshot in time. You may be correct, but maybe you're not. To know we need to see the movie of their life, not one or two snapshots of particularly dramatic moments in pubic.

You're correct. I only meant in this instance. He spit on her, and she slapped his chest. Then he knocked her the **** out.

Sorry I don't cry for him.

 

[Rikurzhen]

Of course I am. I blame a victim who gets drunk at a party and then jumps off a bridge and into a river to cool off and breaks his neck or gets into a car to get more beer and drives into a ditch and suffers major injuries.

If I can blame them, then I can blame women too. Are women children, who must be protected from being blamed?



It's not really her choice to STAY that is at the heart of the problem, though it is a downstream decision point. She could have left him but the blame lies earlier. She could have chosen a baby rabbit of a man, but instead she chose a bear cub. Now she is surprised that the bear cub turned into a mean grizzly years into her marriage. The roots of her husband's behavior were there in the beginning and she was quite likely attracted to that aspect of his personality, just when expressed in a minor way.

If I become attracted to a woman who is promiscuous and is a devil in the bedroom and we get married and she starts cheating on me, then I have only myself to blame for the hurt I'm feeling when I discover her infidelity.

As for her actions towards her husband? Who can say. Women are masters of using words and emotions to inflict abuse, but what they do isn't treated as abuse by the legal system. I'd rather take a punch to the head and be knocked unconscious than be treated to this. Seriously.

You act like every character trait will necessarily continue to its most extreme conclusion.

I married a comic. He made me laugh. That is part of his personality, and a large part of why I love him. That doesn't mean that his sense of humor has grown to cruel, or insensitive proportions. I mean, he's not now laughing when I break a bone.

So, if a woman is attracted to a man who is dominant, that's not license for him to abuse her. If you're attracted to a woman who is very sexual, that's not license for her to cuckold you.

I don't know much about the personal lives of comics, so I'm going to speculate. The humor and irreverence of the man you meet manifests as disengagement from difficult topics later in the marriage. You have to confront a serious issue and he's always trying to escape being serious and so is cracking jokes. I'm not saying anything about your or your husband, I'm just extrapolating a personality trait further along its spectrum. Maybe he can't get serious about money problems. You get the idea.

A dominant man, especially one who is physically dominant to other men and is the victor, can be very attractive to many women but it also shows that he uses violence and intimidation as part of his personality. If a woman goes to bed with a cobra, she should expect to get bitten at some point.

Your point on licensing to abuse amounts to ex post-facto soothing. Let's frame this in the classic victim blaming mold because that's very well understood by everyone. A woman gets drunk in a bar and staggers home along a dark street and gets raped. Now we, the good people, come to her and sooth her and tell her that just because she was drunk and walking through a dangerous neighborhood didn't give the rapist license to rape her. Yeah, that's all true. Does this make her feel better? Does it undo the harm she has suffered? Talk to some rape victims and see if you can get their opinions on whether they'd choose to stand on their rights or choose to avoid being raped. I haven't yet met one who would choose to stand on her right to walk home drunk through dangerous neighborhood, that is, the outcome is so bad that they prefer to curtail a bit of their freedom in order to buy safety. What's my point? The husband who abuses his wife is 100% responsible for his decision and actions. 100%. Now how much solace does the battered wife take from this observation? I'd be surprised if she finds any comfort or relief. Avoiding the beating is the better route rather than blame-placing after the beating. So the woman who chooses the man who is dominant and this eventually manifests as wife-beating there is no magic salve which fixes her life now. The time for hard decisions was when she was single and weak kneed in the presence of that dominant man who would become her husband.

 

[Bush92]

Stockholm Syndrome.

 

[Rozman]

He has a big....ahem contract with the NFL.at least he did.

 

[ricechickie]

I don't know much about the personal lives of comics, so I'm going to speculate. The humor and irreverence of the man you meet manifests as disengagement from difficult topics later in the marriage. You have to confront a serious issue and he's always trying to escape being serious and so is cracking jokes. I'm not saying anything about your or your husband, I'm just extrapolating a personality trait further along its spectrum. Maybe he can't get serious about money problems. You get the idea.

I do get the point. I also get that it doesn't escalate to the point that he's laughing if I break my arm, or cracking jokes at my brother's funeral.

See the difference?

A dominant man, especially one who is physically dominant to other men and is the victor, can be very attractive to many women but it also shows that he uses violence and intimidation as part of his personality. If a woman goes to bed with a cobra, she should expect to get bitten at some point.

Your point on licensing to abuse amounts to ex post-facto soothing. Let's frame this in the classic victim blaming mold because that's very well understood by everyone. A woman gets drunk in a bar and staggers home along a dark street and gets raped. Now we, the good people, come to her and sooth her and tell her that just because she was drunk and walking through a dangerous neighborhood didn't give the rapist license to rape her. Yeah, that's all true. Does this make her feel better? Does it undo the harm she has suffered? Talk to some rape victims and see if you can get their opinions on whether they'd choose to stand on their rights or choose to avoid being raped. I haven't yet met one who would choose to stand on her right to walk home drunk through dangerous neighborhood, that is, the outcome is so bad that they prefer to curtail a bit of their freedom in order to buy safety. What's my point? The husband who abuses his wife is 100% responsible for his decision and actions. 100%. Now how much solace does the battered wife take from this observation? I'd be surprised if she finds any comfort or relief. Avoiding the beating is the better route rather than blame-placing after the beating. So the woman who chooses the man who is dominant and this eventually manifests as wife-beating there is no magic salve which fixes her life now. The time for hard decisions was when she was single and weak kneed in the presence of that dominant man who would become her husband.

Again, in this case, the woman was beaten before the marriage, so she had no reason to expect it to change after the wedding.

But the idea that she's chosen a dominant man and should have known that it would lead to a beating, is like thinking that choosing a funny man would lead to someone who is incapable of showing empathy to my pain. It's nonsense.

 

[SmarterThanTheAverageBear]

Of course I am. I blame a victim who gets drunk at a party and then jumps off a bridge and into a river to cool off and breaks his neck or gets into a car to get more beer and drives into a ditch and suffers major injuries.

If I can blame them, then I can blame women too. Are women children, who must be protected from being blamed?



It's not really her choice to STAY that is at the heart of the problem, though it is a downstream decision point. She could have left him but the blame lies earlier. She could have chosen a baby rabbit of a man, but instead she chose a bear cub. Now she is surprised that the bear cub turned into a mean grizzly years into her marriage. The roots of her husband's behavior were there in the beginning and she was quite likely attracted to that aspect of his personality, just when expressed in a minor way.

If I become attracted to a woman who is promiscuous and is a devil in the bedroom and we get married and she starts cheating on me, then I have only myself to blame for the hurt I'm feeling when I discover her infidelity.

As for her actions towards her husband? Who can say. Women are masters of using words and emotions to inflict abuse, but what they do isn't treated as abuse by the legal system. I'd rather take a punch to the head and be knocked unconscious than be treated to this. Seriously.

You act like every character trait will necessarily continue to its most extreme conclusion.

I married a comic. He made me laugh. That is part of his personality, and a large part of why I love him. That doesn't mean that his sense of humor has grown to cruel, or insensitive proportions. I mean, he's not now laughing when I break a bone.

So, if a woman is attracted to a man who is dominant, that's not license for him to abuse her. If you're attracted to a woman who is very sexual, that's not license for her to cuckold you.

I don't know much about the personal lives of comics, so I'm going to speculate. The humor and irreverence of the man you meet manifests as disengagement from difficult topics later in the marriage. You have to confront a serious issue and he's always trying to escape being serious and so is cracking jokes. I'm not saying anything about your or your husband, I'm just extrapolating a personality trait further along its spectrum. Maybe he can't get serious about money problems. You get the idea.

A dominant man, especially one who is physically dominant to other men and is the victor, can be very attractive to many women but it also shows that he uses violence and intimidation as part of his personality. If a woman goes to bed with a cobra, she should expect to get bitten at some point.

Your point on licensing to abuse amounts to ex post-facto soothing. Let's frame this in the classic victim blaming mold because that's very well understood by everyone. A woman gets drunk in a bar and staggers home along a dark street and gets raped. Now we, the good people, come to her and sooth her and tell her that just because she was drunk and walking through a dangerous neighborhood didn't give the rapist license to rape her. Yeah, that's all true. Does this make her feel better? Does it undo the harm she has suffered? Talk to some rape victims and see if you can get their opinions on whether they'd choose to stand on their rights or choose to avoid being raped. I haven't yet met one who would choose to stand on her right to walk home drunk through dangerous neighborhood, that is, the outcome is so bad that they prefer to curtail a bit of their freedom in order to buy safety. What's my point? The husband who abuses his wife is 100% responsible for his decision and actions. 100%. Now how much solace does the battered wife take from this observation? I'd be surprised if she finds any comfort or relief. Avoiding the beating is the better route rather than blame-placing after the beating. So the woman who chooses the man who is dominant and this eventually manifests as wife-beating there is no magic salve which fixes her life now. The time for hard decisions was when she was single and weak kneed in the presence of that dominant man who would become her husband.

man, you are having to try WAY too hard here.

When I married my wife, she knew what I did for a living, and let me tell you an Army MP, especially an officer , is a take charge person, and I've been more than fights than any ten men should ever be in , and I know how to bring the violence of action, when needed; but my wife has NEVER and will NEVER have to worry about her personal safety around me. She's my wife for God's sakes.....

 

[Rikurzhen]

Of course I am. I blame a victim who gets drunk at a party and then jumps off a bridge and into a river to cool off and breaks his neck or gets into a car to get more beer and drives into a ditch and suffers major injuries.

If I can blame them, then I can blame women too. Are women children, who must be protected from being blamed?



It's not really her choice to STAY that is at the heart of the problem, though it is a downstream decision point. She could have left him but the blame lies earlier. She could have chosen a baby rabbit of a man, but instead she chose a bear cub. Now she is surprised that the bear cub turned into a mean grizzly years into her marriage. The roots of her husband's behavior were there in the beginning and she was quite likely attracted to that aspect of his personality, just when expressed in a minor way.

If I become attracted to a woman who is promiscuous and is a devil in the bedroom and we get married and she starts cheating on me, then I have only myself to blame for the hurt I'm feeling when I discover her infidelity.

As for her actions towards her husband? Who can say. Women are masters of using words and emotions to inflict abuse, but what they do isn't treated as abuse by the legal system. I'd rather take a punch to the head and be knocked unconscious than be treated to this. Seriously.

You act like every character trait will necessarily continue to its most extreme conclusion.

I married a comic. He made me laugh. That is part of his personality, and a large part of why I love him. That doesn't mean that his sense of humor has grown to cruel, or insensitive proportions. I mean, he's not now laughing when I break a bone.

So, if a woman is attracted to a man who is dominant, that's not license for him to abuse her. If you're attracted to a woman who is very sexual, that's not license for her to cuckold you.

I don't know much about the personal lives of comics, so I'm going to speculate. The humor and irreverence of the man you meet manifests as disengagement from difficult topics later in the marriage. You have to confront a serious issue and he's always trying to escape being serious and so is cracking jokes. I'm not saying anything about your or your husband, I'm just extrapolating a personality trait further along its spectrum. Maybe he can't get serious about money problems. You get the idea.

A dominant man, especially one who is physically dominant to other men and is the victor, can be very attractive to many women but it also shows that he uses violence and intimidation as part of his personality. If a woman goes to bed with a cobra, she should expect to get bitten at some point.

Your point on licensing to abuse amounts to ex post-facto soothing. Let's frame this in the classic victim blaming mold because that's very well understood by everyone. A woman gets drunk in a bar and staggers home along a dark street and gets raped. Now we, the good people, come to her and sooth her and tell her that just because she was drunk and walking through a dangerous neighborhood didn't give the rapist license to rape her. Yeah, that's all true. Does this make her feel better? Does it undo the harm she has suffered? Talk to some rape victims and see if you can get their opinions on whether they'd choose to stand on their rights or choose to avoid being raped. I haven't yet met one who would choose to stand on her right to walk home drunk through dangerous neighborhood, that is, the outcome is so bad that they prefer to curtail a bit of their freedom in order to buy safety. What's my point? The husband who abuses his wife is 100% responsible for his decision and actions. 100%. Now how much solace does the battered wife take from this observation? I'd be surprised if she finds any comfort or relief. Avoiding the beating is the better route rather than blame-placing after the beating. So the woman who chooses the man who is dominant and this eventually manifests as wife-beating there is no magic salve which fixes her life now. The time for hard decisions was when she was single and weak kneed in the presence of that dominant man who would become her husband.

man, you are having to try WAY too hard here.

When I married my wife, she knew what I did for a living, and let me tell you an Army MP, especially an officer , is a take charge person, and I've been more than fights than any ten men should ever be in , and I know how to bring the violence of action, when needed; but my wife has NEVER and will NEVER have to worry about her personal safety around me. She's my wife for God's sakes.....

Using violence as a tool is different than using violence as the foundation for one's self-image. This is the difference between a soldier who kills the enemy in the execution of his duty and Joe Pesci's character in Goodfellas killing someone because he felt insulted.

 

[TooTall]

I suggest there were $50 million reasons why she married him.

 

[ShootSpeeders]

I suggest there were $50 million reasons why she married him.

I don't suggest it, i guarantee it. All women are prostitutes and they marry for money and everybody knows it. Now that ray is out of a job, this gold-digging slut will prolly leave him and cry some crap about how "i just couldn't take the abuse".