Short and sweet
- Thread starter Bootneck
- Start date
One day three ducks were swimming in a pond when a police officer pulled over the first duck. The officer asked, "What's your name and what are you doing here?"
The duck replies "My name is Quack and I was blowing bubbles in the pond."
The officer saw no reason to ask anything else so he let him go. The officer then pulled the second duck over and asked, "What's your name and what are you doing?"
The second duck replied, "My name is Quack Quack and I'm blowing bubbles in the pond."
The officer then let him go as well. The third duck swam by and the officer said, "Let me guess, your name is Quack Quack Quack and you were blowing bubbles in the pond too."
The third duck said, "No, my name is Bubbles."
The duck replies "My name is Quack and I was blowing bubbles in the pond."
The officer saw no reason to ask anything else so he let him go. The officer then pulled the second duck over and asked, "What's your name and what are you doing?"
The second duck replied, "My name is Quack Quack and I'm blowing bubbles in the pond."
The officer then let him go as well. The third duck swam by and the officer said, "Let me guess, your name is Quack Quack Quack and you were blowing bubbles in the pond too."
The third duck said, "No, my name is Bubbles."
D
Dis
Guest
- Thread starter
- #24
Wouldn't talk about a lady behind her back. More to see from the front.
- Thread starter
- #25
A priest is walking by a house and sees, sitting in the front steps, a young boy shaking a bottle of some clear liquid.
He asks the boy what he was doing. The boy responded, "This here, Father, is turpentine, the most powerfull liquid in the world".
The priest responds, "You are wrong, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. You rub a few drops of Holy Water on a pregnant womans belly and she'll pass a boy".
The boy responded, "That ain't nothing father. You rub a few drops of this in a cat's arse and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
He asks the boy what he was doing. The boy responded, "This here, Father, is turpentine, the most powerfull liquid in the world".
The priest responds, "You are wrong, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. You rub a few drops of Holy Water on a pregnant womans belly and she'll pass a boy".
The boy responded, "That ain't nothing father. You rub a few drops of this in a cat's arse and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
two guys are drinking when one says," I got get home before I piss of the wife, I wasn't suppose to be drinking." So drunk he starts to leave and outside he throws up all over himself. Mad he goes back inside and tells his friend, " What em I going to do now, surely she'll know I was drinking. His friend then hands him five dollars and tells him, " Tell her some guys puked on you at the bar but he gave you five bucks for dry cleaning."
Deciding this was a good idea the guys goes home and when his wife sees him and starts to get pissed he tells her the story about the guy puking on him and that he gave him five bucks for the cleaning.Reaching into his pocket his wife pulls out two five dollar bills and asks," There is ten bucks here, what is the other five dollars for?"
So the guy replies, " He shit in my pants too!"
Deciding this was a good idea the guys goes home and when his wife sees him and starts to get pissed he tells her the story about the guy puking on him and that he gave him five bucks for the cleaning.Reaching into his pocket his wife pulls out two five dollar bills and asks," There is ten bucks here, what is the other five dollars for?"
So the guy replies, " He shit in my pants too!"
- Thread starter
- #27
Phoning the airport
Name.....?
Abdul Ali Rahzeb.
Sex.....?
About three to five times a week.
No, no, I mean male or female.
Male, female, donkey, sometime even camel.
Holy Cow !!!
Yes, cow, sheep, goat, whatever come my way.
But isn't that hostile?
Horse style, doggy style, any style.
Oh dear!
No, no, no !! deer run too fast.
Name.....?
Abdul Ali Rahzeb.
Sex.....?
About three to five times a week.
No, no, I mean male or female.
Male, female, donkey, sometime even camel.
Holy Cow !!!
Yes, cow, sheep, goat, whatever come my way.
But isn't that hostile?
Horse style, doggy style, any style.
Oh dear!
No, no, no !! deer run too fast.
jillian
Princess
- Thread starter
- #29
I knew you wre sweet, Jillian. Just didn't know you were short.
- Thread starter
- #31
Lad in the barbers with his dad says dad why do condoms come in different size packets?
Dad says well son this 3 pack is for when youre at college, 2 for Friday night 1 for Saturday morning
This 6 pack is for when youre at university, 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday & 2 for Sunday
And the 12 pack is for when youre married, 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March
Dad says well son this 3 pack is for when youre at college, 2 for Friday night 1 for Saturday morning
This 6 pack is for when youre at university, 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday & 2 for Sunday
And the 12 pack is for when youre married, 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March
- Thread starter
- #32
Couple lying in bed and the bloke farts. 1 nil he says.
The woman farts, 1 all she says.
The bloke farts, 2 1 says he.
The woman lets one rip, 2 all she says.
The bloke farts and follows through n shits the bed.
What was that asked the woman?
Half time, change sides.
The woman farts, 1 all she says.
The bloke farts, 2 1 says he.
The woman lets one rip, 2 all she says.
The bloke farts and follows through n shits the bed.
What was that asked the woman?
Half time, change sides.
- Thread starter
- #33
A couple decide to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary by booking the same hotel room where they had their honeymoon. In the morning they have breakfast in bed, and the wife says."This is so romantic, my breasts are all warm and tingly." "I'm not surprised", replies her husband. "One's hanging in your coffee and the other's lying on my bacon."
The Brave exited his tee pee with 5 feathers in his hat and the tourist lady asked the meaning... 5 wives was the answer.
The the Chief came out sporting a head dress full of feathers - too many to count.
"That's hostile!" exclaimed the tourist.
"Of course Hoss-style" said the guide, "Chief hung like horse - how you think he became Chief?"
"Oh, dear" she blushed.
"No Deer lady! Hole to high, run too fast, snag-um balls in barb-wire fence!"
(Native American version)
Pharmacist ringing up first condom purchase for nervous 16 year old: "That'll be $7.87, including the tax..."
"
TACKS?!?" exclaimed the stunned kid, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed!"
A woman walks into the living room on her 50th wedding anniversary wearing the same lingerie that she wore on her wedding night and asks her husband "Do you remember what you said to me the first night you saw me in this?"
"I sure do!" he replies excitedly... "I said 'I'm gonna suck those sweet titties dry and drill that tight box a new opening!"
"And what do you say tonight?" she smiled coyly....
"I'd say 'mission accomplished'!"
- Thread starter
- #38
What gets longer when its pulled..
Fits snugly between a woman's breasts..
Fits neatly into a tight hole..
Works best of all when jerked hard...?????
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A seat belt you perv....!! Now Buckle Up..!!!
Fits snugly between a woman's breasts..
Fits neatly into a tight hole..
Works best of all when jerked hard...?????
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A seat belt you perv....!! Now Buckle Up..!!!
Phoenix
fideli certa merces
- Thread starter
- #40
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologised and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologised and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'
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