- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
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This is an eco-parody (my last one) inspired by Slacker.
Signing off (thanks),
====
Americans loved the new sci-fi horror-film Alien: Covenant! They were fascinated by the rich symbolism involving evolutionary paranoia and hell. Perhaps it was because the modern age was so full of animalia-alienation (i.e., eco-pollution).
As usual with any great empire/civilization such as Rome and Britain, America also suffered from terrible moral weaknesses such as the decimation of Native-Americans and the destruction of the environment. Well, to counter all this madness, eco-radical writer Edward Abbey humbly and cunningly(!) proposed that Americans make a model of a 'roadkill bistro' which would serve its customers gourmet burgers and meat-pies made with animal meat taken off the road after being killed by drivers/cars. Such a 'Roadkill Bistro' would surely capture all the modernism American unrest regarding vanity/complacency towards animal rights in the age of industrialization! Who would work at this Roadkill Bistro?
American celebrity-actress Gina Gerson (star of Michael Mann's The Insider) read Abbey's little 'proposal' while studying and decided the idea was terrific. She had her entertainment-industry agent-friend Nicole Thomas arrange a meeting with producer James L. Brooks to create an 'eco-concept' sardonic animated TV series titled Roadkill Bistro(!), which would feature the Sawyer/Hewitt families from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre horror-film franchise as the working-staff of the Roadkill Bistro. Leatherface (the iconic fictional chainsaw-wielding and human-skin mask-wearing cannibal from the Chainsaw film franchise) would of course be the head-chef. The comedic/satirical animated TV series would feature lines in which customers commented on the ironic 'practicality' of using roadkill animal meat for basic society nutrition (given that America was already a 'leader' in eco-pollution).
All great ideas meet great resistance, and Gershon's plan fell through, and Roadkill Bistro was never made. However, the idea for the animated TV series leaked through the cracks and landed in the lap of an aspiring Hollywood screenwriter named James Smith (fresh out of Dartmouth) who was working on a film-adaptation of the animated TV series concept-pitch Gershon tried to bring to fruition. However, Smith got so frustrated trying to get the right tone and lines for the screenplay that he simply snapped and committed suicide. Gershon said in a CBS interview that it was truly unfortunate that the Roadkill Bistro was facing some kind of 'sociocultural metaphysical curse.'
After some years passed, a very popular bistro in Tokyo called Nausicaa opened and it was serving very delicious menu items of the non-vegetarian variety: Veal Onion Hoagies, Beef Tomato Croissanwich, and Venison Potato Double-Burgers. However, it was soon discovered by a monitoring agency that Nausicaa was using roadkill animal-meat to prepare its menu items. While the meals were very hygienically and methodically pre-prepared/cleaned and cooked professionally, they were nevertheless roadkill meat comprised and the customers had no idea! There was an uproar, and U.S. President Donald Trump tweeted, "This is a perfect failure of modern-day commerce, in my humble 'Western opinion'."
GOD: I though the food at Nausicaa was very well-cooked.
SATAN: Customers found the menu items rather tasty.
GOD: It received great restaurant reviews in the press!
SATAN: It might become the ultimate 'eco-joke' now.
GOD: Yes, apparently the Nausicaa owners intended this to be an 'eco-protest.'
SATAN: Correct; serving roadkill meat reminded people of the dangers of vanity.
GOD: Sure. Ignoring eco-pollution is equivalent to not caring about animals.
SATAN: Scrape off the animal remains/entrails off the road and cook it up!
GOD: It's better (right?) than destroying animals' habitats and Earth's ecosystems.
SATAN: That's the idea...
GOD: Well, Nausicaa is now (officially) history!
SATAN: Are you a fan of Edward Abbey's The Monkey-Wrench Gang?
GOD: I like the idea of 'throwing a monkey-wrench' into social complacency.
SATAN: I think Anthony Burgess's A Clockwork Orange presents a similar 'case.'
GOD: I prefer Proverbs to 'colloquial metaphysics apocrypha.'
SATAN: Most youngsters these days aren't interested in the Bible.
GOD: That's why Gina Gershon wanted to produce an eco-cartoon.
SATAN: Media reaches the masses...
GOD: Let's go watch Ravenous on Netflix!
====
Signing off (thanks),
====
Americans loved the new sci-fi horror-film Alien: Covenant! They were fascinated by the rich symbolism involving evolutionary paranoia and hell. Perhaps it was because the modern age was so full of animalia-alienation (i.e., eco-pollution).
As usual with any great empire/civilization such as Rome and Britain, America also suffered from terrible moral weaknesses such as the decimation of Native-Americans and the destruction of the environment. Well, to counter all this madness, eco-radical writer Edward Abbey humbly and cunningly(!) proposed that Americans make a model of a 'roadkill bistro' which would serve its customers gourmet burgers and meat-pies made with animal meat taken off the road after being killed by drivers/cars. Such a 'Roadkill Bistro' would surely capture all the modernism American unrest regarding vanity/complacency towards animal rights in the age of industrialization! Who would work at this Roadkill Bistro?
American celebrity-actress Gina Gerson (star of Michael Mann's The Insider) read Abbey's little 'proposal' while studying and decided the idea was terrific. She had her entertainment-industry agent-friend Nicole Thomas arrange a meeting with producer James L. Brooks to create an 'eco-concept' sardonic animated TV series titled Roadkill Bistro(!), which would feature the Sawyer/Hewitt families from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre horror-film franchise as the working-staff of the Roadkill Bistro. Leatherface (the iconic fictional chainsaw-wielding and human-skin mask-wearing cannibal from the Chainsaw film franchise) would of course be the head-chef. The comedic/satirical animated TV series would feature lines in which customers commented on the ironic 'practicality' of using roadkill animal meat for basic society nutrition (given that America was already a 'leader' in eco-pollution).
All great ideas meet great resistance, and Gershon's plan fell through, and Roadkill Bistro was never made. However, the idea for the animated TV series leaked through the cracks and landed in the lap of an aspiring Hollywood screenwriter named James Smith (fresh out of Dartmouth) who was working on a film-adaptation of the animated TV series concept-pitch Gershon tried to bring to fruition. However, Smith got so frustrated trying to get the right tone and lines for the screenplay that he simply snapped and committed suicide. Gershon said in a CBS interview that it was truly unfortunate that the Roadkill Bistro was facing some kind of 'sociocultural metaphysical curse.'
After some years passed, a very popular bistro in Tokyo called Nausicaa opened and it was serving very delicious menu items of the non-vegetarian variety: Veal Onion Hoagies, Beef Tomato Croissanwich, and Venison Potato Double-Burgers. However, it was soon discovered by a monitoring agency that Nausicaa was using roadkill animal-meat to prepare its menu items. While the meals were very hygienically and methodically pre-prepared/cleaned and cooked professionally, they were nevertheless roadkill meat comprised and the customers had no idea! There was an uproar, and U.S. President Donald Trump tweeted, "This is a perfect failure of modern-day commerce, in my humble 'Western opinion'."
GOD: I though the food at Nausicaa was very well-cooked.
SATAN: Customers found the menu items rather tasty.
GOD: It received great restaurant reviews in the press!
SATAN: It might become the ultimate 'eco-joke' now.
GOD: Yes, apparently the Nausicaa owners intended this to be an 'eco-protest.'
SATAN: Correct; serving roadkill meat reminded people of the dangers of vanity.
GOD: Sure. Ignoring eco-pollution is equivalent to not caring about animals.
SATAN: Scrape off the animal remains/entrails off the road and cook it up!
GOD: It's better (right?) than destroying animals' habitats and Earth's ecosystems.
SATAN: That's the idea...
GOD: Well, Nausicaa is now (officially) history!
SATAN: Are you a fan of Edward Abbey's The Monkey-Wrench Gang?
GOD: I like the idea of 'throwing a monkey-wrench' into social complacency.
SATAN: I think Anthony Burgess's A Clockwork Orange presents a similar 'case.'
GOD: I prefer Proverbs to 'colloquial metaphysics apocrypha.'
SATAN: Most youngsters these days aren't interested in the Bible.
GOD: That's why Gina Gershon wanted to produce an eco-cartoon.
SATAN: Media reaches the masses...
GOD: Let's go watch Ravenous on Netflix!
====
