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''He didn’t snap, exactly , that would suggest something crude, impulsive. No, this was in his mind, a moment of economic pedagogy.
There he stood, a reluctant steward of late stage capitalism, watching as three agents of chaos approached the beverage station with what can only be described as fiscal irresponsibility. Water cups, yes but intentions? Deeply carbonated.
He attempted, at first, discourse.
“Ladies” he might have said, gesturing with the solemnity of a tenured lecturer “what you’re engaging in is not merely a beverage substitution. It is a micro-theft, a destabilizing act that erodes the already razor thin margins of this establishment. Syrup ratios, CO₂ costs, supply chains, these are delicate ecosystems.”
But the invisible hand of the market was ignored.
The cup tilted. The soda flowed.
And with it, so too did his faith in rational actors.
What followed was less an act of violence (in his own internal narrative) and more a catastrophic failure of dialogue, a breakdown in the social contract between consumer and underpaid custodian of Baja Blast.
Somewhere, in a parallel universe, they paused. Reflected. Perhaps even purchased a small drink, restoring equilibrium to the system.
But not here.
Here, the lecture went unheeded. The thesis rejected. The dissertation was tragically, explosively defended.''
nypost.com
