Zone1 Report: Perfect Church Ruined After Being Attended By Human Being

[Votto]

Report: Perfect Church Ruined After Being Attended By Human Being
Church·Sep 19, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
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KANSAS CITY, MO — Tragedy befell a local house of worship as early reports indicated that what had been a perfect church was immediately ruined after it was attended by one human being.

The heartbreaking turn of events reportedly occurred as soon as the doors of the church opened for its inaugural Sunday service. Witnesses said the church's first attendee arrived by car shortly before the service was set to start, exited his vehicle, and upon entering the church, irreparably ruined its perfection.

"Up until then, it was a totally perfect place," said one eyewitness. "Prior to this guy's arrival, this church had no scandals, no disagreements… no sinful behavior! Once that one person walked in the door and completely changed everything. Now, it's totally ruined. Perfection gone. All everyone has are the memories of how pure and spotless this church was before it opened its doors and let in a human being."

Similar incidents have been reported over the years, with many churches existing in a state of perfection only to be objectively ruined by the attendance of human beings. "It seems to be an epidemic," said one theologian. "It's almost as if the very presence of people causes things to become imperfect and corrupted. Everyone looking for a church to attend should be aware that any church that seems to be perfect will be immediately ruined as soon as they go there."

At publishing time, a spokesangel for Heaven confirmed that there was a plan in place to eventually remove all imperfection and corruption from Christ's bride.

 

[foggedinn]

Hey, we're only human. And then there was this fellow who made a mistake once: he thought he was wrong.

 

[Blackrook]

Babylon Bee is written by people I agree with, but they still annoy me.

 

[Arlette]

Report: Perfect Church Ruined After Being Attended By Human Being
Church·Sep 19, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads.

View attachment 1014888

KANSAS CITY, MO — Tragedy befell a local house of worship as early reports indicated that what had been a perfect church was immediately ruined after it was attended by one human being.

The heartbreaking turn of events reportedly occurred as soon as the doors of the church opened for its inaugural Sunday service. Witnesses said the church's first attendee arrived by car shortly before the service was set to start, exited his vehicle, and upon entering the church, irreparably ruined its perfection.

"Up until then, it was a totally perfect place," said one eyewitness. "Prior to this guy's arrival, this church had no scandals, no disagreements… no sinful behavior! Once that one person walked in the door and completely changed everything. Now, it's totally ruined. Perfection gone. All everyone has are the memories of how pure and spotless this church was before it opened its doors and let in a human being."

Similar incidents have been reported over the years, with many churches existing in a state of perfection only to be objectively ruined by the attendance of human beings. "It seems to be an epidemic," said one theologian. "It's almost as if the very presence of people causes things to become imperfect and corrupted. Everyone looking for a church to attend should be aware that any church that seems to be perfect will be immediately ruined as soon as they go there."

At publishing time, a spokesangel for Heaven confirmed that there was a plan in place to eventually remove all imperfection and corruption from Christ's bride.

That's why I never go to church. I don't want to ruin a beautiful church.

 

[Blackrook]

My Church, the Catholic Church, is packed with imperfect people, including the priests. But I don't have to worry about it. I show up a few minutes early, sit down, and attend the Mass. I go up to the front and take the Eucharist, then sit down again. When Mass is ended, I leave. No one makes an attempt to talk to me, or rope me into an activity. I never make the effort to talk to anyone else. It's perfect, because I don't have to worry about all those imperfect people. It's almost like going to Church by myself.

 

[forkintheroad7]

My Church, the Catholic Church, is packed with imperfect people, including the priests. But I don't have to worry about it. I show up a few minutes early, sit down, and attend the Mass. I go up to the front and take the Eucharist, then sit down again. When Mass is ended, I leave. No one makes an attempt to talk to me, or rope me into an activity. I never make the effort to talk to anyone else. It's perfect, because I don't have to worry about all those imperfect people. It's almost like going to Church by myself.

LOL

I could have written this. But the thing is, the Church is divided and many people therein are believing LIES. That is because the Vatican is no longer occupied by true Catholics. I know you're likely to jump on me about this but I have studied for years and I know what I'm talking about. Plus I have that best of all teachers, Experience to back up what I'm saying. Maybe one reason you don't socialize much with those around you after Mass is.. well, maybe you sense this kind of thing, namely that things are not right in the CC these days.. I always did also and then Fate or God led me to discover the late archbishop Lefebvre, who rebelled against Vatican II (rightly). And I could go on all day but you're likely just getting annoyed w/ me, as you have in the past, so I'll leave it at that..