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[YWN666]

Top 13 signs that your kid will grow up to be a criminal


13. Keeps asking if the plastic saw from his "My Li'l Workbench" can cut through bone.
12. Neighborhood kids start putting The Club on their Big Wheels
11. His Weebles keep knocking over the PlaySkool bank
10. Stool pigeons usually end up floating face down in his Mr. Turtle pool
9. Uses lemonade stand as a front to sell your jewelry
8. Shaves her Ken doll's hair into a mohawk to make homemade Travis Bickle action figure
7. Hasn't taken his first step yet but has already taken the Fifth.
6. Used to star in "Different Strokes"
5. Daily breakfast ritual: a little hair of the dog and a fresh stogie
4. His imaginary friends: "Lenny the Bull" and "Sluggo"
3. Always banging his sippy cup against the crib bars
2. Enjoys wearing mom's hosiery - over his head
1. Your garage has more freshly painted bikes than Toys R Us

 

[YWN666]

Here are a few more that I created and added to keepersoflists.org:

Top 26 signs that your mechanic is nuts

1 He tells you that you need blinker fluid
2 Doesn't stop laughing when you explain to him that you've "blown a seal"
3 He keeps repeating "Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty"
4 Keeps screaming at your car "The Power of Christ Compels You!!!"
5 Giggles every time someone says "dipstick"
6 Guzzles down a bottle of Quaker State with his lunch
7 Replaces your air filter with a chocolate bundt cake
8 Guarantees his work for 12 months or 1 year, whichever comes first
9 He's missing 9 fingers
10 Keeps including "astral projection fees" on your itemized statement
11 Shop filled with orange plastic PlaySkool tools
12 Says all your car needs is a hug.
13 Says "Chevrolet? Yeah, I heard of them"
14 Insists that your solonoid can be fixed with a little Preparation H.
15 Compressed air hose always inserted into his bib overalls.
16 Keeps mumbling about having Mr. Goodwrench whacked.
17 Fixes radiator with a few well placed nails
18 Insists on wearing a turban every time he does an oil change
19 He charges you for exorcising demons from your carburetor
20 Drools over a pinup of Janet Reno on garage wall.
21 Refers to your car engine as "that thingamajig"
22 Keeps singing "And the wheels on the car go round and round"
23 He is always playing with his lugnuts
24 He rides a bicycle to work
25 He recommends hubcap gaskets
26 Fills your engine with maple syrup instead of oil