Need advice: Nephew comes out gay to mom with emal utube. What a mess.

[Kooshdakhaa]

It looks like your family has more serious issues than the rather simple one of your nephew being gay.
He wants to strike out on his own, but wants someone else to pay for his college. This isn't striking out on one's own.

If I were this kid's mother, I would tell him to put his dick in his pants (whether the object is male or female) and make the college money well spent. And leave it at that. You have another question to answer. Are you helping or enabling.

You don't think college kids have sex? You think just because they have sexual relationships they can't succeed in college? Wow, what world do you live in?

I'm surprised anyone ever manages to get a degree, because as I recall, sex was BIG part of college life.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Now the deal breaker. My nephew will only take the MMPI psychological test if his mother does. I have not even asked her yet, but I don't think this is going to happen, so it is back to square one. My nephew does not seem concerned about taking the MMPI psychological, but my sister thinks it is some kind of trick.

Yeah, quite frankly it sounds like your sister is the whacko, not your nephew. And your nephew was quite right in requiring that she also be expected to take the test if he does.

And as for this:

Family has always been the primary value which we instill in our children. It has been the responsibility of one generation to pass on the family in tact to the next generation.

Sounds like your sister hasn't gotten that message. She is, after all, the parent, and has a responsibility to behave rationally and maturely and set the tone.

 

[Sunni Man]

You should be very wary of letting an active homo into your home and around your family.

Most gays have at least one STD. (higher than the general population)

Also, HIV/AIDS is rampant among practicing homosexuals. (again, far higher numbers than the general population)

And could be transmitted to a family member by accident.

 

[Katzndogz]

It looks like your family has more serious issues than the rather simple one of your nephew being gay.
He wants to strike out on his own, but wants someone else to pay for his college. This isn't striking out on one's own.

If I were this kid's mother, I would tell him to put his dick in his pants (whether the object is male or female) and make the college money well spent. And leave it at that. You have another question to answer. Are you helping or enabling.

You don't think college kids have sex? You think just because they have sexual relationships they can't succeed in college? Wow, what world do you live in?

I'm surprised anyone ever manages to get a degree, because as I recall, sex was BIG part of college life.

If kids want to go to college to get laid, they can do that on their own dime. They go to college to get an education, that's what their parents are paying for, not the opportunity to have sex. Someone who wants to "strike out on their own" should strike out on their own and not keep a financial umbilical cord attached to their parents' wallet.

Let's see how much sex the "kid" has when he has to make classes and hold down a job.

 

[Beachboy]

People "choose" to become rapists, child molesters, homosexuals, murderers, etc.

There is No gene that makes/forces them engage in these aberant lifestyle choices.

Don't you think that is a rather mismatched group to throw together, rapists - child molesters - homosexuals - murderers? Rape, child molestation, and murder are all acts of violence.

Where is the victim in being gay?

Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[Beachboy]

So parents disown their son for who he is? So what if he puts up a silly and mildly tasteless video. He probably won't believe it, but I'm sure he is better off without them until they grow up. And if he is staying with someone who is helping him out, they don't need to be bringing "sex partners" into the house for sleepovers. That would be disrespectful. In fact, while he is there, if he had any class, he would be doing dishes, taking out the garbage and anything else that would be "helpful". You "earn" help, you don't "expect" it.

holy Shit!......is that really you Dean?.....you actually said something worth while.....and you did not even bring up how his folks MUST be Republicans....Gulf Clap.....

I thought that was understood.

Actually my nephews parents are Republicans, but I don't see the relevance. The RNC may take anti-gay postions, but both parties have GLBTQ members in Congress.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:LGBT_members_of_the_United_States_Congress

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Members_of_the_111th_United_States_Congress

Here is a link to the first Republican to support gay marriage in the U. S. House of Representatives. This is not a new concept. http://www.washingtonblade.com/2012...member-of-congress-to-back-marriage-equality/

I get a feeling in this thread that there are a number of people here who have not seen a newscast in twenty years. Gays have made progress, and are open everywhere now.

I do not have a problem with my nephew being gay, I have a problem with him shouting it to the world, and upsetting/embarrassing his mother in her fundamentalist Christian circles.

 

[Beachboy]

Clicking through Google Images, I found this graphic. It makes sense to me, and I have decided to take my nephew's side in this mess. I do not condone what my nephew did by sending my sister the video with him and other half-dressed students. A the same time, my sister is inflexible. She will not talk with Episcopaleon ministers, nor take a psychological stability test AS HER SON HAS AGREED TO DO.

I hope we do not lose any family members in all this, but I think my sister is hiding something, and is afraid that her son's truth will crush religious views. I believe my sister's responsibility is to her son, not some book written 2000 years ago. In my view, my sister has been a less than an adequate mother, and I also think my nephew could use a lesson in good taste. My sister pushed this issue, and now she will receive my response in a few days after things settle a bit.

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[Beachboy]

... it has felt like an issue thrust on me by everyone.

Nobody can take you anyplace you don't want to go.

You have the power to put this all right back in the laps of the primary players. Be supportive but really, you cant do more than that and, as I said before, it will most certainly backfire on you.

I hope your nephew is doing okay with this. Its really no one's business but his and his lover's.

I think you are correct. I have quarried the issue with reasonable fairness. I have made a decision. I think you are 100% correct, this will backfire on me. I think my sister has already made her choice to go with her church rather than her family.......

 

[Beachboy]

Flexibility goes both ways. Maybe beachboys spend too much time watching gay porn to be tolerant of Christian beliefs.

And there you have it. The very reason most Americans think fundamentalist Christians are nuts. Thank you for outing yourself. You lost an open-minded person to your cause today.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

It looks like your family has more serious issues than the rather simple one of your nephew being gay.
He wants to strike out on his own, but wants someone else to pay for his college. This isn't striking out on one's own.

If I were this kid's mother, I would tell him to put his dick in his pants (whether the object is male or female) and make the college money well spent. And leave it at that. You have another question to answer. Are you helping or enabling.

You don't think college kids have sex? You think just because they have sexual relationships they can't succeed in college? Wow, what world do you live in?

I'm surprised anyone ever manages to get a degree, because as I recall, sex was BIG part of college life.

If kids want to go to college to get laid, they can do that on their own dime. They go to college to get an education, that's what their parents are paying for, not the opportunity to have sex. Someone who wants to "strike out on their own" should strike out on their own and not keep a financial umbilical cord attached to their parents' wallet.

Let's see how much sex the "kid" has when he has to make classes and hold down a job.

Do you have a job? Do you work 24-hours a day? No, you do not. It's the same thing with college. You go to classes, you spend time on your homework. That's like your "job." It doesn't mean you don't get any time off.

You do get time off, to eat meals, to sleep, to catch a movie...and even to have sex.

I don't see where an hour of sex a day is going to ruin your studies. In fact, it probably helps them. Sex is healthy.

Besides, it's very normal for people this age to have lots of sex. It's abnormal not to.

 

[Beachboy]

Years ago a Bible reading Christian was considered to be an honorable person whom you could trust for an honest viewpoint. Now that the sodomites have gained power a Bible reading person is viewed as "inflexible". Bigotry runs both ways and you can bet your ass (no pun intended) that there is no flexibility in the radical gay community.

Once any group sets themselves up in judgement of others, they have lost themselves, and that holy book of theirs becomes just so much fiction.

I almost can't believe the fundamentalist posts here,
it is almost like the GLBTQ are setting them up.
If they are, they have done a excellent job of offending me!
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[Cookie]

I have not responded to this thread so far mostly because you have received decent advice (and some horrid advice) so far.

My advice, which I don't think has been mentioned up until now, and based on my experience as a parent (yes, of adults) and the family member of several people are homosexual is:

#1 - Your nephew needs to work out his relationship with his mother. I recommend you stay out of it. I know you care for them both and I suggest you simply keep reminding them of that, then step back.

#2 - Attend parent-of-gays or family-member-of-gays meetings with your nephew. There are definitely support groups for him in your state and, if he isn't already connected, you can probably do the best for him by helping him make those connections. They will have the best advice for you - and him - on how to deal with the mother ...

... because sometimes the best strategy is simply to wait.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

If no one had told me the nephew was gay, I would never have deduced from that video that this was a "coming out" video Just seemed like three normal guys kidding around while some girl videos them.

I've seen heterosexual guys horsing around and hugging each other, patting each other on the butt, that sort of thing. Big whoop.

They didn't have shirts on...so what? Good grief, I'm a 60-year-old woman and that video didn't shock me at all.

Why did he send it to his mother and her friends, though? That seems like an act of defiance. Of anger, even. Maybe he has good cause to be angry. Maybe she deserved that, I don't know.

I just started a fight in my family...60 years old and still haven't learned better.

 

[Beachboy]

Now the deal breaker. My nephew will only take the MMPI psychological test if his mother does. I have not even asked her yet, but I don't think this is going to happen, so it is back to square one. My nephew does not seem concerned about taking the MMPI psychological, but my sister thinks it is some kind of trick.

Yeah, quite frankly it sounds like your sister is the whacko, not your nephew. And your nephew was quite right in requiring that she also be expected to take the test if he does.

And as for this:

Family has always been the primary value which we instill in our children. It has been the responsibility of one generation to pass on the family in tact to the next generation.

Sounds like your sister hasn't gotten that message. She is, after all, the parent, and has a responsibility to behave rationally and maturely and set the tone.

It pains me, but I think any rational person would agree with you. All we have heard from fundamentalist Christians is Bible Thumping here. It is not the first century, it is the twenty-first century.

 

[Beachboy]

You should be very wary of letting an active homo into your home and around your family.

Most gays have at least one STD. (higher than the general population)

Also, HIV/AIDS is rampant among practicing homosexuals. (again, far higher numbers than the general population)

And could be transmitted to a family member by accident.

You have lost your credibility with me. You have not posted a single fact to support your anti-gay rhetoric. You can take partial credit for turning me into a gay rights believer. You comments about STD's are totally unsubstantiated hate preach. My God, you aren't even an American, you clearly have no idea what is going on in the Western culture. However, thank you for your postings. I could not have arrived at my conclusions without you.

 

[Beachboy]

It looks like your family has more serious issues than the rather simple one of your nephew being gay.
He wants to strike out on his own, but wants someone else to pay for his college. This isn't striking out on one's own.

If I were this kid's mother, I would tell him to put his dick in his pants (whether the object is male or female) and make the college money well spent. And leave it at that. You have another question to answer. Are you helping or enabling.

You don't think college kids have sex? You think just because they have sexual relationships they can't succeed in college? Wow, what world do you live in?

I'm surprised anyone ever manages to get a degree, because as I recall, sex was BIG part of college life.

If kids want to go to college to get laid, they can do that on their own dime. They go to college to get an education, that's what their parents are paying for, not the opportunity to have sex. Someone who wants to "strike out on their own" should strike out on their own and not keep a financial umbilical cord attached to their parents' wallet.

Let's see how much sex the "kid" has when he has to make classes and hold down a job.

I am going to give my nephew a break on this. My Alma-mater has marble slab in the lobby of the library that says, "We at UCD believe that only half of education takes place in the classroom." I think college is a time to learn many things about our world, including socializing, sex, alchohol, and to a very great degree, responsibility. College is the place to make mistakes before entering the work-a-day world. GLBTQ is just one of the aspects of education.

If my nephew had sent out that video in the OP while working for my employer, who knows what may have happened. Fair or not, it would not have helped his career. By the time my nephew graduates from college in two years, the whole GLBTQ matter will have faded away.

And, as I posted way back in Post 19
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Oh, this young man will be doing dishes, yard work, and my favorite of all times, washing all the windows! When he is here, he will be volunteering at our local homeless shelter where I am on the executive committee. He will also be getting a job if he wants to finish college, I am not picking up the entire tab for his education.

This young man will understand the the laws of physics, "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." He sent the video, now he will take the consequences for his action. He will also understand how lucky he is to have his uncle step in to help.

It could be a lot worse, he could be selling his ass down in Boys Town, West Hollywood. I'm told that's what usually happens to runaways. You can be sure I will be taking him for a drive down there to see the ugly under-belly of gay life.

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[Katzndogz]

... it has felt like an issue thrust on me by everyone.

Nobody can take you anyplace you don't want to go.

You have the power to put this all right back in the laps of the primary players. Be supportive but really, you cant do more than that and, as I said before, it will most certainly backfire on you.

I hope your nephew is doing okay with this. Its really no one's business but his and his lover's.

I think you are correct. I have quarried the issue with reasonable fairness. I have made a decision. I think you are 100% correct, this will backfire on me. I think my sister has already made her choice to go with her church rather than her family.......

Your sister made a decision to go with her beliefs and principles rather than her family. Which is as it should be. Your nephew is being defiant. He wants to be defiant for the purpose of challenging his mother. Yet he certainly doesn't want to give up the money. Given some time your nephew will find out what ever principles you have and defy them too.

The video is hardly a "mom I'm gay" video. It's guys being fools in front of a girl video. If he wants to strike out on his own, as you say, encourage him to start growing up and get a part time job to defray his college expenses.

There comes a time in the lives of children when they instinctively want to leave the nest yet they are terrified at doing so. Many times they get a cause, usually one their parents don't care about or object to. They can't take that step so they make their parents throw them out.

 

[Sunni Man]

You have lost your credibility with me. You have not posted a single fact to support your anti-gay rhetoric. You can take partial credit for turning me into a gay rights believer. You comments about STD's are totally unsubstantiated hate preach. My God, you aren't even an American, you clearly have no idea what is going on in the Western culture. However, thank you for your postings. I could not have arrived at my conclusions without you.

Incorrect Poindexter.......

I am a 5th generation born American and a US Army veteran. ..


Here is the straight dope from PubMed.gov/NCBI (National Center for Biotechnology Information)


Comparative prevalence rates of sexually transmitted diseases in heterosexual and homosexual men.

This study compared prevalence rates of most common sexually transmitted diseases (STD) in heterosexual and homosexual men who made respectively 12,201 and 5324 visits to an STD clinic over 18 months.

Overall, homosexual men were significantly (p < 0.001) more likely than heterosexual men to have gonorrhea (30.31% vs. 19.83%), early syphilis (1.08% vs. 0.34%) and anal warts (2.90% vs. 0.26%) but less likely to have nongonococcal urethritis (NGU) (14.63% vs. 36.40%, p < 0.001), herpes genitalis (0.93% vs. 3.65%, p < 0.001), pediculosis pubis (4.30% vs. 5.35%, p < 0.005), scabies (0.42% vs. 0.76%, p < 0.02), and genital warts (1.68% vs. 6.69%, p < 0.001).

In most cases the differences in rates remained significant (p < 0.05) when corrected for age and race. It is speculated that higher rates of gonorrhea and syphilis result from a larger mean number of sexual contacts, more potential sites of infection, and more hidden and asymptomatic disease, while the lower rates of the other STD result from a lesser susceptibility of anal mucosa to the causative agent(s) of NGU, herpes genitalis, and venereal warts or from a lack of pubic apposition (pediculosis pubis).

Comparative prevalence rates of sexually tran... [Am J Epidemiol. 1980] - PubMed - NCBI

 

[Beachboy]

Nobody can take you anyplace you don't want to go.

You have the power to put this all right back in the laps of the primary players. Be supportive but really, you cant do more than that and, as I said before, it will most certainly backfire on you.

I hope your nephew is doing okay with this. Its really no one's business but his and his lover's.

I think you are correct. I have quarried the issue with reasonable fairness. I have made a decision. I think you are 100% correct, this will backfire on me. I think my sister has already made her choice to go with her church rather than her family.......

Your sister made a decision to go with her beliefs and principles rather than her family. Which is as it should be. Your nephew is being defiant. He wants to be defiant for the purpose of challenging his mother. Yet he certainly doesn't want to give up the money. Given some time your nephew will find out what ever principles you have and defy them too.

The video is hardly a "mom I'm gay" video. It's guys being fools in front of a girl video. If he wants to strike out on his own, as you say, encourage him to start growing up and get a part time job to defray his college expenses.

There comes a time in the lives of children when they instinctively want to leave the nest yet they are terrified at doing so. Many times they get a cause, usually one their parents don't care about or object to. They can't take that step so they make their parents throw them out.

Money has little to do with it. Every member of the German side of our family has gone to college since the 1880s. College was never and option for my nephew, it is a family member requirement. (I recall at one point in my youth trying to get out of it, and failing). My father can be very persuasive when he asks if you ever will want him to help you finance a house.

It has always been the parents responsibility to pay for that education, just as our parents paid for ours. I get my education for free, but have to pay for my children. It is just the way our family does. I will pay for the college, but I have set my own requirements for this young man as well.

Bottom line, now that an arrangement can not be made, my father is going to hear about this. When he does, my sister will probably pay the tab for the college education. However, my dad could disown my nephew. (German-American stubbornness). I will not disown the lad. This is hardly over, but the kid is going to come out ok. My nephew will feel some pain for the way he sent that video to my sister. My dad sees that video, and he will go ballistic. Which, I think is what my nephew wants. He is testing his limits. In the end, I think that will go well with my dad.

It is not always easy, but I love you dad!​

 

[Beachboy]

You have lost your credibility with me. You have not posted a single fact to support your anti-gay rhetoric. You can take partial credit for turning me into a gay rights believer. You comments about STD's are totally unsubstantiated hate preach. My God, you aren't even an American, you clearly have no idea what is going on in the Western culture. However, thank you for your postings. I could not have arrived at my conclusions without you.

Incorrect Poindexter.......

I am a 5th generation born American and a US Army veteran. ..


Here is the straight (OUTDATED) dope from PubMed.gov/NCBI (National Center for Biotechnology Information)


Comparative prevalence rates of sexually transmitted diseases in heterosexual and homosexual men.

This study compared prevalence rates of most common sexually transmitted diseases (STD) in heterosexual and homosexual men who made respectively 12,201 and 5324 visits to an STD clinic over 18 months.

Overall, homosexual men were significantly (p < 0.001) more likely than heterosexual men to have gonorrhea (30.31% vs. 19.83%), early syphilis (1.08% vs. 0.34%) and anal warts (2.90% vs. 0.26%) but less likely to have nongonococcal urethritis (NGU) (14.63% vs. 36.40%, p < 0.001), herpes genitalis (0.93% vs. 3.65%, p < 0.001), pediculosis pubis (4.30% vs. 5.35%, p < 0.005), scabies (0.42% vs. 0.76%, p < 0.02), and genital warts (1.68% vs. 6.69%, p < 0.001).

In most cases the differences in rates remained significant (p < 0.05) when corrected for age and race. It is speculated that higher rates of gonorrhea and syphilis result from a larger mean number of sexual contacts, more potential sites of infection, and more hidden and asymptomatic disease, while the lower rates of the other STD result from a lesser susceptibility of anal mucosa to the causative agent(s) of NGU, herpes genitalis, and venereal warts or from a lack of pubic apposition (pediculosis pubis).

Comparative prevalence rates of sexually tran... [Am J Epidemiol. 1980] - PubMed - NCBI

According to your banner, your location is in Dar al Harb. Remind me, again what State is that in?

Your link is 1980, clearly 33 years old. Wouldn't you call your information out-of-date? 1980 was the peak of the global Aids crisis. It was hardly a typical year to review.

I have politely indicated that I have considered your postings, and made up my mind to move in a direction different than you have chosen. Thank you for your contribution to this thread.

Outdated computer, outdated thinking!
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