fuzzykitten99
VIP Member
I was gonna email Said1 only, but I thought I would like more variety in responses-more than one opinion. Warning, this is long.
Ok, Grace is the 4yo sister of Paul. I watch them both, and they get along fairly well with Nathan. Grace goes to preschool 2x a week for a few hours in the morning, then comes here on the bus.
But I feel like I am constantly telling Grace to stop doing this, and stop doing that etc. I know that a 4yo has no common sense or anything, so I know it is mostly her age. But I don't have to do this with Nathan OR Paul. Both are younger-Paul is 2, and Nathan is 3.
Example:
Earlier today Nathan was playing with a ribbon he found. She wanted to play with it, too. I told her that Nathan was playing with it first, but she could play with it after he is done or she could just ask him. She sat for about 2 seconds before she went and tried to gently take it from him WHILE asking. He said no, ran and she chased him, tackled him, grabbed it and ran. He started crying. I asked her what happened, even though I already knew-but she didn't know I did. She said Nathan wouldn't give her the ribbon. I asked how she got it (again, I already knew) and she said she didn't know. I told her that I saw her take it from Nathan, so she needed to give it back because she didn't ask first before taking it. I told her she knows how to ask, and that she needs to wait for a yes or no, and if it is a yes, she needs to wait for it to be handed to her. If it is a no, then that doesn't mean take it anyway, and just because she asks, doesn't mean she'll get a yes every time. I told her if she took a toy from Paul or Nathan like that again, she would be in the 'time-out/thinking chair'. I asked if she understood, and she said yes. What happens not even 5 minutes later, she does it again. So, in time out she went. She bawls and says she wants to call her mom. I tell her she can, but mom isn't going to say anything different. We call mom, and like I said-she told her the same thing.
Then there's the whole thing of trying to get Nathan in trouble so she can play with what he's playing with. There are 2 trikes to ride on in the backyard, and Paul is usually on one, and Nathan on the other. Grace doesn't really have an interest in one until Nathan gets on it. I have seen her push Nathan and even taunt him, so that he retaliates and she yells "Nathan hit/pushed me!" because she knows that will get him a time-out, which of course frees up the trike. Nathan doesn't hit for no reason, he has to be provoked. I know it still doesn't make it ok, but I know it isn't something he starts. I was believing her straight out when I wasn't witnessing the whole thing, but then I noticed the pattern of her taking over whatever toy he had when he was on time-out.
Another time she had a string of play beads and Nathan liked them, and asked what they were. She told him, and he indicated he wanted to see them. She said no, he kinda got a hurt look on his face, but he went on playing with his hotwheels with Paul. She dangled the thing in front of him, when he went to reach for it, she snatched it away. She did it again, but this time Nathan was too quick. She ran to me and started screaming that Nathan took her beads from her. I asked her if she teased him with it, and she said no, then I told her I saw the whole thing, and that what she did was wrong plus the lying. Next time would be a time-out. She did it again, and it is a timeout she got.
Then I have told her at least 3-4 times a day, every day since day one, to stop poking at Ben's face, to leave him be when he's napping, to quit stopping his swing and holding it in place because it can burn the motor out, etc.
She asks me every 5 minutes during nap/quiet time if it is time to play/get up yet. Being as she's older and doesn't really take naps, she can play with dolls, draw/color, or read during this time. But of course that only keeps her occupied for about 5 minutes at a time. I tell her that I will say when it is time, and to stop asking, because my answer will be the same, and to go sit down and read or whatever. She'll go, but 5 minutes later she's back "is it time to get up yet?"
I tell her we do the same thing every day, and I tell her the same thing, and she needs to stop asking, because my answer will not change. She isn't allowed to play with dolls or color until Paul falls asleep because then he will want to, but he falls asleep w/in 10 minutes of laying him down.
When I am making lunch, and using my griddle or other high-heated item, she seems to space out that the gate up means do not enter the kitchen. She'll open it (she figured out how the 3rd day here) and walk in "is lunch ready yet?". I tell her no, and to leave the kitchen because she knows she's not allowed in the kitchen when I have the gate up. It basically goes just like the nap/quiet time issue-back 5 minutes later asking the same question.
Again, I know she's only 4, and I have been very patient. I haven't yelled, but I have elevated my voice a little when she pokes at Ben or is playing with something she's not supposed to. I am just getting tired of the whole thing and need ideas on what to do. I don't want her to be miserable and unhappy and complain to mom that she always seems to be doing something wrong, but if she wouldn't do some of these things, I wouldn't have to say anything. It almost seems like it is getting worse. I try to do fun things with all of them together and individually, and a few times we would do girl things while the boys played outside. But her attention span is so short, by the time I finish setting up whatever it is we will do, she wants to do something else.
She knows that they are not allowed to go out and play until Nathan goes to school because I don't want him getting dirty before he goes. Yet she comes and asks anyway, Nathan hears it and wants to go out, then throws a fit when I tell him no. Not a fun thing to go through every day or every other day before he goes to school.
I have never met a kid like her in all my years of babysitting my siblings, cousins, and neighbors. It seems she only has something against Nathan, and never does anything to Paul, at least not yet or that I have seen.
Ok, Grace is the 4yo sister of Paul. I watch them both, and they get along fairly well with Nathan. Grace goes to preschool 2x a week for a few hours in the morning, then comes here on the bus.
But I feel like I am constantly telling Grace to stop doing this, and stop doing that etc. I know that a 4yo has no common sense or anything, so I know it is mostly her age. But I don't have to do this with Nathan OR Paul. Both are younger-Paul is 2, and Nathan is 3.
Example:
Earlier today Nathan was playing with a ribbon he found. She wanted to play with it, too. I told her that Nathan was playing with it first, but she could play with it after he is done or she could just ask him. She sat for about 2 seconds before she went and tried to gently take it from him WHILE asking. He said no, ran and she chased him, tackled him, grabbed it and ran. He started crying. I asked her what happened, even though I already knew-but she didn't know I did. She said Nathan wouldn't give her the ribbon. I asked how she got it (again, I already knew) and she said she didn't know. I told her that I saw her take it from Nathan, so she needed to give it back because she didn't ask first before taking it. I told her she knows how to ask, and that she needs to wait for a yes or no, and if it is a yes, she needs to wait for it to be handed to her. If it is a no, then that doesn't mean take it anyway, and just because she asks, doesn't mean she'll get a yes every time. I told her if she took a toy from Paul or Nathan like that again, she would be in the 'time-out/thinking chair'. I asked if she understood, and she said yes. What happens not even 5 minutes later, she does it again. So, in time out she went. She bawls and says she wants to call her mom. I tell her she can, but mom isn't going to say anything different. We call mom, and like I said-she told her the same thing.
Then there's the whole thing of trying to get Nathan in trouble so she can play with what he's playing with. There are 2 trikes to ride on in the backyard, and Paul is usually on one, and Nathan on the other. Grace doesn't really have an interest in one until Nathan gets on it. I have seen her push Nathan and even taunt him, so that he retaliates and she yells "Nathan hit/pushed me!" because she knows that will get him a time-out, which of course frees up the trike. Nathan doesn't hit for no reason, he has to be provoked. I know it still doesn't make it ok, but I know it isn't something he starts. I was believing her straight out when I wasn't witnessing the whole thing, but then I noticed the pattern of her taking over whatever toy he had when he was on time-out.
Another time she had a string of play beads and Nathan liked them, and asked what they were. She told him, and he indicated he wanted to see them. She said no, he kinda got a hurt look on his face, but he went on playing with his hotwheels with Paul. She dangled the thing in front of him, when he went to reach for it, she snatched it away. She did it again, but this time Nathan was too quick. She ran to me and started screaming that Nathan took her beads from her. I asked her if she teased him with it, and she said no, then I told her I saw the whole thing, and that what she did was wrong plus the lying. Next time would be a time-out. She did it again, and it is a timeout she got.
Then I have told her at least 3-4 times a day, every day since day one, to stop poking at Ben's face, to leave him be when he's napping, to quit stopping his swing and holding it in place because it can burn the motor out, etc.
She asks me every 5 minutes during nap/quiet time if it is time to play/get up yet. Being as she's older and doesn't really take naps, she can play with dolls, draw/color, or read during this time. But of course that only keeps her occupied for about 5 minutes at a time. I tell her that I will say when it is time, and to stop asking, because my answer will be the same, and to go sit down and read or whatever. She'll go, but 5 minutes later she's back "is it time to get up yet?"
I tell her we do the same thing every day, and I tell her the same thing, and she needs to stop asking, because my answer will not change. She isn't allowed to play with dolls or color until Paul falls asleep because then he will want to, but he falls asleep w/in 10 minutes of laying him down.When I am making lunch, and using my griddle or other high-heated item, she seems to space out that the gate up means do not enter the kitchen. She'll open it (she figured out how the 3rd day here) and walk in "is lunch ready yet?". I tell her no, and to leave the kitchen because she knows she's not allowed in the kitchen when I have the gate up. It basically goes just like the nap/quiet time issue-back 5 minutes later asking the same question.
Again, I know she's only 4, and I have been very patient. I haven't yelled, but I have elevated my voice a little when she pokes at Ben or is playing with something she's not supposed to. I am just getting tired of the whole thing and need ideas on what to do. I don't want her to be miserable and unhappy and complain to mom that she always seems to be doing something wrong, but if she wouldn't do some of these things, I wouldn't have to say anything. It almost seems like it is getting worse. I try to do fun things with all of them together and individually, and a few times we would do girl things while the boys played outside. But her attention span is so short, by the time I finish setting up whatever it is we will do, she wants to do something else.
She knows that they are not allowed to go out and play until Nathan goes to school because I don't want him getting dirty before he goes. Yet she comes and asks anyway, Nathan hears it and wants to go out, then throws a fit when I tell him no. Not a fun thing to go through every day or every other day before he goes to school.
I have never met a kid like her in all my years of babysitting my siblings, cousins, and neighbors. It seems she only has something against Nathan, and never does anything to Paul, at least not yet or that I have seen.
She's testing you, she's unsure etc, etc. I always found that telling them about my experiences with babysitters and how I felt when my mother left me there helped them find a way to voice their feelings. It was helpful when there were other children to join in the conversation, but that's not always possible.
