Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,122
- 2,138
- Banned
- #1
I had been dating Nadia for around 6 months when things began to go a little sideways. I had met her at a Bill Clinton political rally back in 1994 in Louisiana. I was working security, and Nadia was there as a lobbyist for the adult sex toy industry. I accidentally bumped into her in a crowd. She shot me a look that could kill. After momentarily evaluating her, I replied “You are hotter than hell, baby! Let’s fuck!!” A half hour later we were banging in a back room.
We fell madly in love with one another. After a few weeks I noticed that Nadia’s last name was “Volchenko”. I asked her what sort of name that is. She said Russian. I said, “Damn, baby. Russian? Really? I did not know that. Is that why you speak with that thick accent?”
A couple months later I was on Nadia’s laptop checking out the recent fishing reports. I noticed that the desktop contained a file icon titled “Vincent Foster”. I opened it up out of curiosity. It was all about the guy, some crooked lawyer, and how he met an untimely fate. Of course, I knew who Vince Foster was. The contents of the file were shocking, to say the least. It was reported in the media that the cause of death was a self-inflicted gunshot wound. But after reading that file I began to have my doubts.
Fast forward a few weeks. Nadia and I are living together. We invited some friends over for a New Year’s Eve party. I invited by buds, Roscoe and Tango, and their bitches, Brandy and Tequilla, respectively. Nadia invited her brother, Dimitri, and his wife, Anna Conda. Our evening grew rather tense with all the ethnic differences among us. Me and my friends wanted to watch the Peach Bowl on tv and drink beer, while Nadia, Dimitri, and Anna wanted have a long conversation about the works of French existentialist writer, Jean-Paul Sartre, while listing to Wagner and sipping vodka.
Our differences reached a boiling point at approximately 10:30 p.m. that evening. Roscoe insisted that if Dimitri tried Miller Lite he would like it. Dimitri did, in fact, try it. Then he spit it out on the floor and referred to it as “piss water”. Roscoe exclaimed, “You commie motherfucker!!”, then punched Dimitri in his face. Dimitri bounced right back up off the floor with a Walther PPK, pointing it at Roscoe’s face. Nadia shrieked, and Anna pulled a long knife out of her purse.
I tried to de-escalate the situation, admonishing them all to calm the fuck down and take a deep breath. That is when Tango jumped in, already drunk off his dumb redneck ass. “Look at that little pea shooter that commie has!! Ha ha ha ha!!! What a fag!!”, he said. Anna started telling Dimitri to shoot him. The next thing you know, I hear Nadia say, “All right, all of you, knock it off. Dimitri!! Put down the gun!! Now!!” I looked at Nadia and noticed that she was holding my Ruger Super Redhawk .44 magnum and pointing it a Dimitri. “Good girl!!”, I thought.
But then Nadia continued. “We shall settle this the way we do in the mother land. Russian Roulette. She commanded both Dimitri and Roscoe to sit at the kitchen table. Then she unloaded the revolver of all by 1 cartridge. Dimitri looked at Roscoe and asked, “You know how this game is played, eh?” Roscoe said he did. I began to protest. But Nadia was having none of it. Seeing how upset I was at the situation; Anna pulled a pistol out of her purse and held it in her right hand for all to see. Anna said, “Silence. It is time to settle this. Now, who shall go first?”
Dimitri went first, I guess to show he was not afraid – a big dick move. That is one thing about those goddamned Ruskies: they are crazy as bat shit! Dimitri lifted the gun and pointed it at his right temple. He said something in Russian, then pulled the trigger. “Click”. Dimitrie breathed a sigh of relief and handed the gun to Roscoe. “It is your turn, comrade”, said Dimitri.
Now, old Roscoe is just a farm boy from Alabama. He slipped and fell on some oil in the parking lot at a truck stop and fucked up his back real bad. The ensuing lawsuit and settlement put him on easy street. Now he lives on the settlement annuity payments and selling key chains he makes at fairs and such. He was way out of his league here. These damn Russians were serious as hell. Honestly, I would have preferred to see Roscoe just get up and walk away, assuming Anna Conda would have let him.
“What’s wrong, comrade? You nervous?”, taunted Dimitri. Roscoe took the gun and placed the muzzle on his head. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he eased his finger on the trigger. I blurted out, “STOP THIS!!! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!” But Anna Conda pointed her pistol at me and said, “You cannot stop that which has already begun.” Nadia then took hold of my arm and shushed me quiet.
I could not look. My friend was about to die. I closed my eyes. Then I head the sound. “Click”. I could not believe it. I opened my eyes. Roscoe looked like he was on the verge of passing out, he was so relieved. He put the pistol on the table and then put his head down on the table. But this relief was only short-lived. Anna said, “Your turn, Dimitri.” Not looking too happy, Dimitri picked up the pistol.
Now everybody’s attention returned to the Russian. The odds of death were quickly growing greater. Dimitri took a drink of Vodka and placed the gun again at his right temple. A thought then crossed my mind: This is going to make one hell of a mess when that gun finally goes off. If Nadia thinks I am cleaning it up, then she has got another thing coming!
Dimitri cocked the hammer and placed his finger on the trigger. He was staring at Roscoe with eyes of cold steel. Again, he muttered something in Russian. Then he pulled the trigger. “Click”.
I thought, “Oh no. It’s Roscoe’s turn again.” My stomach sank. Dimitri got a grin on his face and placed the gun on the table in front of Roscoe, who looked sick. “Your turn”, said Dimitri. Roscoe looked at the pistol for a moment, took a deep breath, and then picked it up. Then he began pleading with Dimitri and Anna to stop this.
“GODDAMN IT!! NOBODY HAS TO DIE!! Look, I’m sorry!! I’m sorry for whatever I did to offend you!! Just please….STOP!!!”, he said. He started crying. Dimitri looked to Anna Condo, as if for a ruling. Anna pointed her pistol at the table and pulled the trigger. “BANG!!!” The bullet hit the corner of the grip on the pistol laying on the table, causing it to spin around. The gun shot was unexpected and sent through us all a strong, gripping fear. Anna then said, “Take the gun and finish the game, or I shall finish it for you, darling”, she said. There was nothing else Roscoe could do. He had to play his turn. It was the only chance he had to survive.
Roscoe picked up the pistol, closed his eyes, then cocked it. Again, he placed it to his head. I think I saw Roscoe mouth a little prayer. His face tensed. Then he pulled the trigger. “BAMM!!!!”
This time it happened. We all let out a gasp! The gun went off, throwing a shower of blood onto me and Nadia. Roscoe went forward, limp onto the table. I closed my eyes and began to shed tears. Oh no!!! No no no no no no!!!!!! Anna looked at Dimitri and curtly nodded. Then she calmly said, “You win, Dimitri”. Dimitri smiled. Then the damnedest thing happened.
Roscoe sat back up and said “GODDAMN!!! That was fucking LOUD as FUCK!! Oh, man!!! Look at all this fucking blood!!” I opened my eyes, not believing what I was seeing. Roscoe was alive!!!
Dimitri stood up, saying “What the hell?!? Anna quickly came over to look at Roscoe. Instead of a huge gaping hole in his head, there was just a nasty looking cut. It was a bad cut, to be sure, and the blast had burned his head pretty bad. Anna opened the cylinder on the revolver and extracted the spent cartridge casing. She held it out to me and demanded, “WHAT’S THE MEANING OF THIS?!?!?”
Perplexed, I looked at the cartridge. Then it dawned on me what happened. “Oh yeah, that is snake shot! I loaded some for that fishing trip Roscoe and I were going to take to the swamp. I loaded them myself. Real light load because, you know, you don’t need a heavy load to kill cottonmouths”, I said. Anny Conda threw a fit, jibber jabbering excitedly in Russian to Dimitri and Nadia.
Roscoe was still fucked up pretty badly, and needed a trip to the ER. But there was other business that needed dealing with first. In all the excitement I retrieved my .357 magnum revolver from the buffet there in the kitchen, pointed it at the ceiling, and blasted a round. “BLAMM!!!!”
This got everybody’s attention. I said, “Ok, this bullshit is over with, right now. Dimitri, you and Anna Conda need to get the fuck out of my house!!” Anna tucked her little pistol back into her purse. She and Dimitri got their coats and headed for the door.
Before the two of them left, Anna turned around to face Nadia. “Are you coming, darling?”, she calmly asked Nadia. Nadia shrugged and said, “Yeah, I guess so”. Stunned, I asked, “WHAT?!? Nadia? Are you leaving me?? What the fuck? You are going with these two crazy motherfuckers?!?”
She replied, “Yes, I think so. I need to be around others like me. Frankly, you are too much of pussy man. Now, Dimitri here, he is REAL man!!” Then she placed her hand on Dimitri’s chest and gave him a long passionate kiss right in front of me. “Motherfucker!”, I thought. I should have shot all 3 of them, but my heart was broken.
The 3 of them left together, leaving me, Roscoe, Tango, and the 2 bitches int my house. I managed to patch up Roscoe with some toilet paper and duct tape. “Oh, it still hurts like shit, dude”, said Roscoe. I told him to shut the fuck up and drink some more booze.
The five of us were sitting there in my living room, shell-shocked at what had just taken place. The football game was over, and we did not know who won. The new year came and passed. We were getting drunk. Then a thought occurred to me. “Why don’t we have an orgy and all get laid?”, I suggested. Roscoe was still in too much pain. I gave him a couple of knock-out pills and sent him to my bedroom to get some sleep. Tango and I then proceeded to bang Tequilla and Brandy on my living room floor.
I never saw those fucking Russians again after that, thankfully. Though, I did catch a bad dose of the dick ticks from Tequilla and her skeevy, unwashed twat. I blame THAT on those sneaky fucking Russians too!
We fell madly in love with one another. After a few weeks I noticed that Nadia’s last name was “Volchenko”. I asked her what sort of name that is. She said Russian. I said, “Damn, baby. Russian? Really? I did not know that. Is that why you speak with that thick accent?”
A couple months later I was on Nadia’s laptop checking out the recent fishing reports. I noticed that the desktop contained a file icon titled “Vincent Foster”. I opened it up out of curiosity. It was all about the guy, some crooked lawyer, and how he met an untimely fate. Of course, I knew who Vince Foster was. The contents of the file were shocking, to say the least. It was reported in the media that the cause of death was a self-inflicted gunshot wound. But after reading that file I began to have my doubts.
Fast forward a few weeks. Nadia and I are living together. We invited some friends over for a New Year’s Eve party. I invited by buds, Roscoe and Tango, and their bitches, Brandy and Tequilla, respectively. Nadia invited her brother, Dimitri, and his wife, Anna Conda. Our evening grew rather tense with all the ethnic differences among us. Me and my friends wanted to watch the Peach Bowl on tv and drink beer, while Nadia, Dimitri, and Anna wanted have a long conversation about the works of French existentialist writer, Jean-Paul Sartre, while listing to Wagner and sipping vodka.
Our differences reached a boiling point at approximately 10:30 p.m. that evening. Roscoe insisted that if Dimitri tried Miller Lite he would like it. Dimitri did, in fact, try it. Then he spit it out on the floor and referred to it as “piss water”. Roscoe exclaimed, “You commie motherfucker!!”, then punched Dimitri in his face. Dimitri bounced right back up off the floor with a Walther PPK, pointing it at Roscoe’s face. Nadia shrieked, and Anna pulled a long knife out of her purse.
I tried to de-escalate the situation, admonishing them all to calm the fuck down and take a deep breath. That is when Tango jumped in, already drunk off his dumb redneck ass. “Look at that little pea shooter that commie has!! Ha ha ha ha!!! What a fag!!”, he said. Anna started telling Dimitri to shoot him. The next thing you know, I hear Nadia say, “All right, all of you, knock it off. Dimitri!! Put down the gun!! Now!!” I looked at Nadia and noticed that she was holding my Ruger Super Redhawk .44 magnum and pointing it a Dimitri. “Good girl!!”, I thought.
But then Nadia continued. “We shall settle this the way we do in the mother land. Russian Roulette. She commanded both Dimitri and Roscoe to sit at the kitchen table. Then she unloaded the revolver of all by 1 cartridge. Dimitri looked at Roscoe and asked, “You know how this game is played, eh?” Roscoe said he did. I began to protest. But Nadia was having none of it. Seeing how upset I was at the situation; Anna pulled a pistol out of her purse and held it in her right hand for all to see. Anna said, “Silence. It is time to settle this. Now, who shall go first?”
Dimitri went first, I guess to show he was not afraid – a big dick move. That is one thing about those goddamned Ruskies: they are crazy as bat shit! Dimitri lifted the gun and pointed it at his right temple. He said something in Russian, then pulled the trigger. “Click”. Dimitrie breathed a sigh of relief and handed the gun to Roscoe. “It is your turn, comrade”, said Dimitri.
Now, old Roscoe is just a farm boy from Alabama. He slipped and fell on some oil in the parking lot at a truck stop and fucked up his back real bad. The ensuing lawsuit and settlement put him on easy street. Now he lives on the settlement annuity payments and selling key chains he makes at fairs and such. He was way out of his league here. These damn Russians were serious as hell. Honestly, I would have preferred to see Roscoe just get up and walk away, assuming Anna Conda would have let him.
“What’s wrong, comrade? You nervous?”, taunted Dimitri. Roscoe took the gun and placed the muzzle on his head. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he eased his finger on the trigger. I blurted out, “STOP THIS!!! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!” But Anna Conda pointed her pistol at me and said, “You cannot stop that which has already begun.” Nadia then took hold of my arm and shushed me quiet.
I could not look. My friend was about to die. I closed my eyes. Then I head the sound. “Click”. I could not believe it. I opened my eyes. Roscoe looked like he was on the verge of passing out, he was so relieved. He put the pistol on the table and then put his head down on the table. But this relief was only short-lived. Anna said, “Your turn, Dimitri.” Not looking too happy, Dimitri picked up the pistol.
Now everybody’s attention returned to the Russian. The odds of death were quickly growing greater. Dimitri took a drink of Vodka and placed the gun again at his right temple. A thought then crossed my mind: This is going to make one hell of a mess when that gun finally goes off. If Nadia thinks I am cleaning it up, then she has got another thing coming!
Dimitri cocked the hammer and placed his finger on the trigger. He was staring at Roscoe with eyes of cold steel. Again, he muttered something in Russian. Then he pulled the trigger. “Click”.
I thought, “Oh no. It’s Roscoe’s turn again.” My stomach sank. Dimitri got a grin on his face and placed the gun on the table in front of Roscoe, who looked sick. “Your turn”, said Dimitri. Roscoe looked at the pistol for a moment, took a deep breath, and then picked it up. Then he began pleading with Dimitri and Anna to stop this.
“GODDAMN IT!! NOBODY HAS TO DIE!! Look, I’m sorry!! I’m sorry for whatever I did to offend you!! Just please….STOP!!!”, he said. He started crying. Dimitri looked to Anna Condo, as if for a ruling. Anna pointed her pistol at the table and pulled the trigger. “BANG!!!” The bullet hit the corner of the grip on the pistol laying on the table, causing it to spin around. The gun shot was unexpected and sent through us all a strong, gripping fear. Anna then said, “Take the gun and finish the game, or I shall finish it for you, darling”, she said. There was nothing else Roscoe could do. He had to play his turn. It was the only chance he had to survive.
Roscoe picked up the pistol, closed his eyes, then cocked it. Again, he placed it to his head. I think I saw Roscoe mouth a little prayer. His face tensed. Then he pulled the trigger. “BAMM!!!!”
This time it happened. We all let out a gasp! The gun went off, throwing a shower of blood onto me and Nadia. Roscoe went forward, limp onto the table. I closed my eyes and began to shed tears. Oh no!!! No no no no no no!!!!!! Anna looked at Dimitri and curtly nodded. Then she calmly said, “You win, Dimitri”. Dimitri smiled. Then the damnedest thing happened.
Roscoe sat back up and said “GODDAMN!!! That was fucking LOUD as FUCK!! Oh, man!!! Look at all this fucking blood!!” I opened my eyes, not believing what I was seeing. Roscoe was alive!!!
Dimitri stood up, saying “What the hell?!? Anna quickly came over to look at Roscoe. Instead of a huge gaping hole in his head, there was just a nasty looking cut. It was a bad cut, to be sure, and the blast had burned his head pretty bad. Anna opened the cylinder on the revolver and extracted the spent cartridge casing. She held it out to me and demanded, “WHAT’S THE MEANING OF THIS?!?!?”
Perplexed, I looked at the cartridge. Then it dawned on me what happened. “Oh yeah, that is snake shot! I loaded some for that fishing trip Roscoe and I were going to take to the swamp. I loaded them myself. Real light load because, you know, you don’t need a heavy load to kill cottonmouths”, I said. Anny Conda threw a fit, jibber jabbering excitedly in Russian to Dimitri and Nadia.
Roscoe was still fucked up pretty badly, and needed a trip to the ER. But there was other business that needed dealing with first. In all the excitement I retrieved my .357 magnum revolver from the buffet there in the kitchen, pointed it at the ceiling, and blasted a round. “BLAMM!!!!”
This got everybody’s attention. I said, “Ok, this bullshit is over with, right now. Dimitri, you and Anna Conda need to get the fuck out of my house!!” Anna tucked her little pistol back into her purse. She and Dimitri got their coats and headed for the door.
Before the two of them left, Anna turned around to face Nadia. “Are you coming, darling?”, she calmly asked Nadia. Nadia shrugged and said, “Yeah, I guess so”. Stunned, I asked, “WHAT?!? Nadia? Are you leaving me?? What the fuck? You are going with these two crazy motherfuckers?!?”
She replied, “Yes, I think so. I need to be around others like me. Frankly, you are too much of pussy man. Now, Dimitri here, he is REAL man!!” Then she placed her hand on Dimitri’s chest and gave him a long passionate kiss right in front of me. “Motherfucker!”, I thought. I should have shot all 3 of them, but my heart was broken.
The 3 of them left together, leaving me, Roscoe, Tango, and the 2 bitches int my house. I managed to patch up Roscoe with some toilet paper and duct tape. “Oh, it still hurts like shit, dude”, said Roscoe. I told him to shut the fuck up and drink some more booze.
The five of us were sitting there in my living room, shell-shocked at what had just taken place. The football game was over, and we did not know who won. The new year came and passed. We were getting drunk. Then a thought occurred to me. “Why don’t we have an orgy and all get laid?”, I suggested. Roscoe was still in too much pain. I gave him a couple of knock-out pills and sent him to my bedroom to get some sleep. Tango and I then proceeded to bang Tequilla and Brandy on my living room floor.
I never saw those fucking Russians again after that, thankfully. Though, I did catch a bad dose of the dick ticks from Tequilla and her skeevy, unwashed twat. I blame THAT on those sneaky fucking Russians too!
