Zone1 My being discreet may have been the wrong thing to do...

[Blackrook]

A few weeks ago I was in my office early and only one other person was there, a fellow attorney.

I passed his office and saw he was sitting with his face down into his arms, a sign I interpreted as despair.

While I was in my office, I heard him cry out. It sounded like the cry of one in despair.

I decided to be discreet. I said and did nothing. I never told anyone what I'd seen and heard.

Today, I found out he died. I suspect suicide, but probably I'll never know for sure.

I thought I was doing the right thing, being discreet, respecting his privacy. He was not a friend, I barely knew him, so I offered no help, nor did I offer to listen to him.

Now, I'm not sure.

I'm recently trying to find my way back to Catholicism, which urges people to take action when people need help, so this is weighing on me.

 

[shockedcanadian]

A few weeks ago I was in my office early and only one other person was there, a fellow attorney.

I passed his office and saw he was sitting with his face down into his arms, a sign I interpreted as despair.

While I was in my office, I heard him cry out. It sounded like the cry of one in despair.

I decided to be discreet. I said and did nothing. I never told anyone what I'd seen and heard.

Today, I found out he died. I suspect suicide, but probably I'll never know for sure.

I thought I was doing the right thing, being discreet, respecting his privacy. He was not a friend, I barely knew him, so I offered no help, nor did I offer to listen to him.

Now, I'm not sure.

I'm recently trying to find my way back to Catholicism, which urges people to take action when people need help, so this is weighing on me.

G-d knows what is in your heart and your intentions. It is difficult to know how to act in such circumstances. I also lost a person to suicide when I was a teen. It will haunt me forever though I never had a clue, but I have come to the realization I couldn't have known. Also, even if I knew I would have found the words now as a mature man but I wouldn't have known the words then even if I had known. She had her whole life ahead of her.

You can only go with what information you have. Don't let it eat away at you. G-d knows what your intentions were. You don't even know for sure how he passed but the chances of you altering his decisions were probably minute even if you did know. What could you have said? What would anyone have done? Short of putting him in a straight jacket, you cannot prevent those who really want to hurt themselves from doing so.

As it were you didn't know and you were respecting his privacy. May he RIP.

 

[skye]

That's sad.....sorry to hear.

 

[Blackrook]

This is going to haunt me.

Last year, a woman I dated a few times committed suicide three days after our last date. That haunts me too.

And my mother's suicide when I was 18 years old haunts me. I told her psychiatrist he was overdosing her, so he cut her off cold turkey. A few days later, she took an overdose of pills and was found in her car.

Suicide is hard for me because the Catholic teaching is that suicide is a mortal sin, committed at the moment of death, there is no chance for repentance.

Just writing this is making me feel awful.

 

[Blackrook]

The woman I dated, our last date was seeing the play To Kill A Mockingbird. I'd already decided it was our last date. When I dropped her off, she said, "Call me," but I didn't.

She was very unhappy. She hadn't recovered yet from her divorce. She lived in a trailer in a dangerous neighborhood and kept a gun on top of her refrigerator. Her sister was staying with her, but had decided to go back home to Ohio. And she must have known I was breaking up with her since I didn't call her, leaving her alone in her miserable state.

Suicide is so awful because it makes people close to the person think "What could I have done differently?"

I light a candle for my mother almost every time I go to Church. But there's nothing else I can do for her. The thought of her suffering in hell plagues me no end. This is the part of Catholicism which offers no comfort.

 

[toobfreak]

My being discreet may have been the wrong thing to do...​

Well, FWIW, your being discreet can hardly be faulted as there has been so many cases these days of people getting nailed for just trying to do the right or good thing! Employees getting fired for trying to stop shoplifters and that sort of thing. It is no wonder anymore that folks are often uncertain of getting involved. That said, from the sounds of it, I'm pretty sure I would have stopped and investigated and asked the guy if he was OK or if anything was wrong because that is just the way I am. Still, whatever happened, you played no role in it, so I understand your sadness, but you really shouldn't blame yourself too much, for all you know, no matter what you might have done, the outcome might still be the same.

 

[Blackrook]

I also remember when a woman on a bus told me she was planning to have an abortion. I said nothing.

What was stopping me from trying to talk her out of it? I still don't know.

 

[frigidweirdo]

A few weeks ago I was in my office early and only one other person was there, a fellow attorney.

I passed his office and saw he was sitting with his face down into his arms, a sign I interpreted as despair.

While I was in my office, I heard him cry out. It sounded like the cry of one in despair.

I decided to be discreet. I said and did nothing. I never told anyone what I'd seen and heard.

Today, I found out he died. I suspect suicide, but probably I'll never know for sure.

I thought I was doing the right thing, being discreet, respecting his privacy. He was not a friend, I barely knew him, so I offered no help, nor did I offer to listen to him.

Now, I'm not sure.

I'm recently trying to find my way back to Catholicism, which urges people to take action when people need help, so this is weighing on me.

The "right thing to do" for one person is the wrong thing to do for another person. You can't know what's going on inside another person's head.

Suicide might also not be something bad for a person. We get given the hand we're given and sometimes life is hard and pointless and ending it seems like the best way. Is it for us to judge whether it's wrong for other people to do this? No, I don't think so.

 

[Invisibleflash]

A few weeks ago I was in my office early and only one other person was there, a fellow attorney.

I passed his office and saw he was sitting with his face down into his arms, a sign I interpreted as despair.

While I was in my office, I heard him cry out. It sounded like the cry of one in despair.

I decided to be discreet. I said and did nothing. I never told anyone what I'd seen and heard.

Today, I found out he died. I suspect suicide, but probably I'll never know for sure.

I thought I was doing the right thing, being discreet, respecting his privacy. He was not a friend, I barely knew him, so I offered no help, nor did I offer to listen to him.

Now, I'm not sure.

I'm recently trying to find my way back to Catholicism, which urges people to take action when people need help, so this is weighing on me.

Good testimonial bub. No one is perfect. If he was a filthy commie dem, I'd cheer on his demise. I'm not a god nutter. Better toughen up for SHTFF.

I'm old, from the 1950's. I've seen America from all sides. I knew a lot of people from the Great Depression and they are nothing like the people of today. The people of then, helped their neighbor. The people of now, will kill you for your preps, then eat you and your dog!

 

[Blackrook]

It turns out the man committed a murder suicide.

 

[Blackrook]

He killed his mother then himself.

If I had talked to him, he might have killed me for all I know.

I spent a few days thinking about this, and realized there's nothing I could have said or done to help him.

I'll pray for him and his mother, that's all I can do now.

 

[boevans]

Sad, blackrook. If you had no reason to know your workmate was in desperate straits and obviously was not an outright cry for help, this is on him.

 

[Blackrook]

Sad, blackrook. If you had no reason to know your workmate was in desperate straits and obviously was not an outright cry for help, this is on him.

Life is full of opportunities to help other people.

I'm a lawyer and one day I was in court, waiting for my case to be called.

The judge was doing the criminal calender, taking pleas of guilty or not guilty.

A Hispanic man, who knew no English, was being charged for lewd conduct because he got drunk and peed in a fountain at a mall.

He pled guilty to a charge that would force him to register as a sex offender. The judge asked him, "Are you sure you don't want a lawyer?" He said, no, he was guilty.

I could have stood up and told the judge I would represent the man. Had I done so, I could have gotten the prosecutor to charge him with a lesser crime like "drunk and disorderly" and he wouldn't be a registered sex offender.

But I sat there and did nothing, and it haunts me to this day.

 

[boevans]

We all have done (many) or wished we had not done things.

That is life. No one is perfect. What I do is look for things every day that I can do for someone.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

All one can do is learn and try to do better.

 

[kjw47]

A few weeks ago I was in my office early and only one other person was there, a fellow attorney.

I passed his office and saw he was sitting with his face down into his arms, a sign I interpreted as despair.

While I was in my office, I heard him cry out. It sounded like the cry of one in despair.

I decided to be discreet. I said and did nothing. I never told anyone what I'd seen and heard.

Today, I found out he died. I suspect suicide, but probably I'll never know for sure.

I thought I was doing the right thing, being discreet, respecting his privacy. He was not a friend, I barely knew him, so I offered no help, nor did I offer to listen to him.

Now, I'm not sure.

I'm recently trying to find my way back to Catholicism, which urges people to take action when people need help, so this is weighing on me.

Going back to Catholicism is the worst choice any can do. There are all kinds of fact filled write ups of how they screwed it all up at those councils they held back in the 300,s. No protestant religion fixed it either. They only had Catholicism translating to use. The JW,s fixed it all. We are hated just like Jesus said we would be. No part of this world= different, unaccepted, hated.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

I like JWs, until they start shunning family members, then I shun that family, which may delight them for all I know.

 

[Picaro]

Mooning over what might have been serves no purpose other than as a learning experience. Move on, there is still plenty you can do. Being Catholic has nothing to do with your guilt, it's all you.

 

[kjw47]

I like JWs, until they start shunning family members, then I shun that family, which may delight them for all I know.

You must have missed Gods rules-1 Cor 5:9-13--Do not even eat a meal with one who was called brother( baptized) then becomes unrepentant and disfellowshipped.
In the OT God ordered an unrepentant one to be stoned to death and ones family members had to partake of that.
Which would you choose for your family member? The NT way, they can turn around and repent and get reinstated.
Jesus teaches members of ones own household would become their enemies- Matt 10:36---thus to God they become part of this world. The world Jesus said to be no part of. And friendship with the world is enmity with God-means one becomes Gods enemy if they friend the world.
Thus your disagreement is pointed to God.

 

[BackAgain]

A few weeks ago I was in my office early and only one other person was there, a fellow attorney.

I passed his office and saw he was sitting with his face down into his arms, a sign I interpreted as despair.

While I was in my office, I heard him cry out. It sounded like the cry of one in despair.

I decided to be discreet. I said and did nothing. I never told anyone what I'd seen and heard.

Today, I found out he died. I suspect suicide, but probably I'll never know for sure.

I thought I was doing the right thing, being discreet, respecting his privacy. He was not a friend, I barely knew him, so I offered no help, nor did I offer to listen to him.

Now, I'm not sure.

I'm recently trying to find my way back to Catholicism, which urges people to take action when people need help, so this is weighing on me.

You cannot know at such moments whether any display of concern could be misinterpreted as the equivalent of being nosey. For all you could have known, the very act of expressing concern might have been a thing which could send him over the edge.

Don’t kick yourself.