Gracious, my husband passed from dementia, mudwhistle 7 years ago. I wish someone had told me what I didn't know about the disease. I went into it blindly, never knowing what I know now. I wish I had reminded him more of how much people admired him, with me at the top of the list. So my coulda, shoulda, woulda years made me realize that would have made his misery (even if only slightly) better. I kept thinking a miracle cure for dementia patients was right around the corner, so I just went on as usual, and I just wonder if I had tried to put myself in his place, his final days would have been what he deserved--happier. He died in his sleep in his favorite chair, and I was next to him, because I knew he didn't have a lot of time left, but the show kinda put me to sleep for maybe an hour? And when I woke up, I asked him did he enjoy the movie we were watching, but he didn't say anything. So I put my hand on his shoulder to ask him again, but noticed he was cold, so I went to get him a blanket. When I got back, I tried to put the blanket over him, when I noticed something was really wrong. He didn't respond. And it hit me, his time was up, and I thought he would have several more weeks, but that wasn't to be. And yes, I used almost the same description of him being a shell of his former self on his last three or four months. The rest is a blitz, except when the coroner arrived, so did the police. She was okay, but the police started asking me questions that made me feel like I was a suspect in a murder, and I got a little defensive. Fortunately, the Coroner told them that was enough, because she saw my pain. She comforted me when she said in our area, the police were always called when the only residents are the victim and his or her spouse, and they were required to ask probing questions. I had no idea, but the rest was preparing for the funeral at church, and following his wishes to be cremated with his ashes placed in the church garden, as was the custom here. I hope that if you remind her even once of how wonderful her life affected yours, then she might be able to bear the cross she is bearing now with a little more comfort. I didn't know what to say to such a wonderful man, and I assumed he knew how much I loved and respected everything about it. That's all I remember about it, except I had to put his chair when I would cry every time I looked at it. So, I put it in the sun room adjacent to the tv den, and tried to get on with my life. I have a feeling you might have already said to her how wonderful she is, and if you have or do remind her of the joy she brought you, you will have a lot more peace than I did for a couple of years afterward. And remember, the coulda woulda shoulda is very common when you lose such a wonderful spouse and partner. My prayers are up for what you are going through with right now.

I still hope they figure out how to heal people who get dementia back to normal. I'm reading up a lot lately on how to delay mental faculties for people who are up in years and want to be alert to the age of 120 years, which is the new life expectancy for people in this century, according to the human health classes I took in the early 1980s. One of my professors emphasized our class would have people living up to the age of 120, and that stayed with me for some reason. She's so lucky she has you, Mr. Mudwhistle.