Military humor thread. Tell your humorous military stories here.

[ThunderKiss1965]

I was stationed at Ft Drum Ny, in the Combat Service Support Automation Management Office (CSSAMO) being a high profile section we would often get high ranking VIPs visiting the office, One particular time I was teach one of my Privates a new computer system when the CSM of Ordinances CORP came though the door, I immediately came to parade rest along with every enlisted in the office, until the CSM said carry on.

I continued my training of the young private until the CSM asked him what he thought about Ft, Drum. Being a little intimidated the Private could only nod and gush about how much he loved the post.. When he turned to me and asked the same question I stated " Well Sergeant Major it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't so goddamned cold" He got a good chuckle out of it, but the look from my 1st Sgt, was nothing less than homicidal.

After a few other similar incidents I was told to make sure I was out of the office whenever a VIP visited.

 

[ThunderKiss1965]

Great movie about the M2 Bradley that shows the bureaucratic nightmare that is military appropriations. Its a fictional account but hilarious.
Full movie on Youtube.

 

[regent]

Not funny but a story that I still remember for some reason even after all this time. For a period I was an MP at Fort Ord and one night as we checked the bars on Alvarado Street, one after the other, we came across a navy Chief with an open blouse drinking a beer in a crowded bar. He was sort of fat and I could understand the open blouse but rules are rules. This could be trouble I thought, different branches and him a Chief and all that.
I said to him, "Chief, after I leave would you mind buttoning up?" He responded in loud Chief-voice heard all over the bar: "Hell, I don't need to wait, I'll button it up now." He proceeded to do so and I was grateful for navy discipline.

 

[ThunderKiss1965]

Most have heard that Military Intelligence is an oxymoron. My last 2 years in the service was spent working on computer systems for a Joint Command Intelligence group that included all the branches of the Armed Services.
This was Top Secret stuff with very strict security procedures.

I got a call from an Air Force Lt. Col. that his computer was not connecting to the network. After troubleshooting the computer in question I replaced a network cable, to test it I asked the Lt. Col for his password, before he gave it to me I stopped him, lifted the keyboard and right were I knew it would be was a post it note with his password.

I respectively gave the Lt. Col. a lesson in operational security, changed his network password and gave him a few minutes to remember it.

 

[WildBillKelsoe]

Not funny but a story that I still remember for some reason even after all this time. For a period I was an MP at Fort Ord and one night as we checked the bars on Alvarado Street, one after the other, we came across a navy Chief with an open blouse drinking a beer in a crowded bar. He was sort of fat and I could understand the open blouse but rules are rules. This could be trouble I thought, different branches and him a Chief and all that.
I said to him, "Chief, after I leave would you mind buttoning up?" He responded in loud Chief-voice heard all over the bar: "Hell, I don't need to wait, I'll button it up now." He proceeded to do so and I was grateful for navy discipline.

One of my best friends--we had been friends since we're 15--was an MP. He and I were posted at Fort Polk And mentioned to him that my battalion was doing Bradley gunnery at the MPRC. He said he he was supposed to be patrolling That area and he wanted to come check it out, because he'd never seen Bradley gunnery.

At the time, I was the battalion commander's gunner. My friend tracks me down and he, myself and my driver are shooting the shit when the BC shows up and the first words out of his mouth were to ask my friend, "sergeant, what are you doing here??"

My friend explained he and I were friends And it's just a social call. Bc says, "oh...thank god!"

Later, the BC tells me, "the next time one of of your MP buddies decides to visit, give me a heads up...that scared the shit out of me."

 

[ThunderKiss1965]

Not funny but a story that I still remember for some reason even after all this time. For a period I was an MP at Fort Ord and one night as we checked the bars on Alvarado Street, one after the other, we came across a navy Chief with an open blouse drinking a beer in a crowded bar. He was sort of fat and I could understand the open blouse but rules are rules. This could be trouble I thought, different branches and him a Chief and all that.
I said to him, "Chief, after I leave would you mind buttoning up?" He responded in loud Chief-voice heard all over the bar: "Hell, I don't need to wait, I'll button it up now." He proceeded to do so and I was grateful for navy discipline.

One of my best friends--we had been friends since we're 15--was an MP. He and I were posted at Fort Polk And mentioned to him that my battalion was doing Bradley gunnery at the MPRC. He said he he was supposed to be patrolling That area and he wanted to come check it out, because he'd never seen Bradley gunnery.

At the time, I was the battalion commander's gunner. My friend tracks me down and he, myself and my driver are shooting the shit when the BC shows up and the first words out of his mouth were to ask my friend, "sergeant, what are you doing here??"

My friend explained he and I were friends And it's just a social call. Bc says, "oh...thank god!"

Later, the BC tells me, "the next time one of of your MP buddies decides to visit, give me a heads up...that scared the shit out of me."

Went to Polk several times for JRTC.

 

[WildBillKelsoe]

Not funny but a story that I still remember for some reason even after all this time. For a period I was an MP at Fort Ord and one night as we checked the bars on Alvarado Street, one after the other, we came across a navy Chief with an open blouse drinking a beer in a crowded bar. He was sort of fat and I could understand the open blouse but rules are rules. This could be trouble I thought, different branches and him a Chief and all that.
I said to him, "Chief, after I leave would you mind buttoning up?" He responded in loud Chief-voice heard all over the bar: "Hell, I don't need to wait, I'll button it up now." He proceeded to do so and I was grateful for navy discipline.

One of my best friends--we had been friends since we're 15--was an MP. He and I were posted at Fort Polk And mentioned to him that my battalion was doing Bradley gunnery at the MPRC. He said he he was supposed to be patrolling That area and he wanted to come check it out, because he'd never seen Bradley gunnery.

At the time, I was the battalion commander's gunner. My friend tracks me down and he, myself and my driver are shooting the shit when the BC shows up and the first words out of his mouth were to ask my friend, "sergeant, what are you doing here??"

My friend explained he and I were friends And it's just a social call. Bc says, "oh...thank god!"

Later, the BC tells me, "the next time one of of your MP buddies decides to visit, give me a heads up...that scared the shit out of me."

Went to Polk several times for JRTC.

10th Mountain is at Fort Polk. I still don't get that...lol

 

[ThunderKiss1965]

Not funny but a story that I still remember for some reason even after all this time. For a period I was an MP at Fort Ord and one night as we checked the bars on Alvarado Street, one after the other, we came across a navy Chief with an open blouse drinking a beer in a crowded bar. He was sort of fat and I could understand the open blouse but rules are rules. This could be trouble I thought, different branches and him a Chief and all that.
I said to him, "Chief, after I leave would you mind buttoning up?" He responded in loud Chief-voice heard all over the bar: "Hell, I don't need to wait, I'll button it up now." He proceeded to do so and I was grateful for navy discipline.

One of my best friends--we had been friends since we're 15--was an MP. He and I were posted at Fort Polk And mentioned to him that my battalion was doing Bradley gunnery at the MPRC. He said he he was supposed to be patrolling That area and he wanted to come check it out, because he'd never seen Bradley gunnery.

At the time, I was the battalion commander's gunner. My friend tracks me down and he, myself and my driver are shooting the shit when the BC shows up and the first words out of his mouth were to ask my friend, "sergeant, what are you doing here??"

My friend explained he and I were friends And it's just a social call. Bc says, "oh...thank god!"
got
Later, the BC tells me, "the next time one of of your MP buddies decides to visit, give me a heads up...that scared the shit out of me."

Went to Polk several times for JRTC.

10th Mountain is at Fort Polk. I still don't get that...lol

10th Mountain goes everywhere.

 

[Admiral Rockwell Tory]

Not funny but a story that I still remember for some reason even after all this time. For a period I was an MP at Fort Ord and one night as we checked the bars on Alvarado Street, one after the other, we came across a navy Chief with an open blouse drinking a beer in a crowded bar. He was sort of fat and I could understand the open blouse but rules are rules. This could be trouble I thought, different branches and him a Chief and all that.
I said to him, "Chief, after I leave would you mind buttoning up?" He responded in loud Chief-voice heard all over the bar: "Hell, I don't need to wait, I'll button it up now." He proceeded to do so and I was grateful for navy discipline.

One of my best friends--we had been friends since we're 15--was an MP. He and I were posted at Fort Polk And mentioned to him that my battalion was doing Bradley gunnery at the MPRC. He said he he was supposed to be patrolling That area and he wanted to come check it out, because he'd never seen Bradley gunnery.

At the time, I was the battalion commander's gunner. My friend tracks me down and he, myself and my driver are shooting the shit when the BC shows up and the first words out of his mouth were to ask my friend, "sergeant, what are you doing here??"

My friend explained he and I were friends And it's just a social call. Bc says, "oh...thank god!"

Later, the BC tells me, "the next time one of of your MP buddies decides to visit, give me a heads up...that scared the shit out of me."

Went to Polk several times for JRTC.

10th Mountain is at Fort Polk. I still don't get that...lol

Does the army have a division for swamp warfare?

 

[WildBillKelsoe]

Not funny but a story that I still remember for some reason even after all this time. For a period I was an MP at Fort Ord and one night as we checked the bars on Alvarado Street, one after the other, we came across a navy Chief with an open blouse drinking a beer in a crowded bar. He was sort of fat and I could understand the open blouse but rules are rules. This could be trouble I thought, different branches and him a Chief and all that.
I said to him, "Chief, after I leave would you mind buttoning up?" He responded in loud Chief-voice heard all over the bar: "Hell, I don't need to wait, I'll button it up now." He proceeded to do so and I was grateful for navy discipline.

One of my best friends--we had been friends since we're 15--was an MP. He and I were posted at Fort Polk And mentioned to him that my battalion was doing Bradley gunnery at the MPRC. He said he he was supposed to be patrolling That area and he wanted to come check it out, because he'd never seen Bradley gunnery.

At the time, I was the battalion commander's gunner. My friend tracks me down and he, myself and my driver are shooting the shit when the BC shows up and the first words out of his mouth were to ask my friend, "sergeant, what are you doing here??"

My friend explained he and I were friends And it's just a social call. Bc says, "oh...thank god!"

Later, the BC tells me, "the next time one of of your MP buddies decides to visit, give me a heads up...that scared the shit out of me."

Went to Polk several times for JRTC.

10th Mountain is at Fort Polk. I still don't get that...lol

Does the army have a division for swamp warfare?

All army divisions are swamp units...lol