Media Baffled As To Anything Mass Shooters Might Possibly Have In Common

[Votto]

Media Baffled As To Anything Mass Shooters Might Possibly Have In Common​

Media·Feb 11, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

U.S. — With the horrific news breaking of yet another mass shooting at a school, the media has remained completely stumped as to anything recent mass shooters could have in common.

Journalists desperately pored over the profiles of mass shooters over the last four years, hoping to find any sort of similarity or connection.

"What could it be??" sighed CNN journalist Mark Beuhler. "Think, Mark, think. There has to be something these people have in common, some thread that ties them together. I keep looking at these photos, these social media profiles. I just can't see it."

Journalists warned the public that despite their best efforts, no pattern whatsoever could be discerned that might help explain these shootings. "There is no rhyme or reason that we can elucidate," said investigator Roger Malone. "If only there was some sort of life experience, prescription medication, online community, social indoctrination, political affiliation, anything that these people shared, perhaps we could help stop more of these from happening. It's too bad."

At publishing time, journalists had proudly announced the discovery that all of the recent mass shooters were white.

 

[Votto]

Canadian Reporterperson Announces Policepersons Have Identified Gunperson​

VANCOUVER — Canadian reporterpersons announced that policepersons have confirmed the identify of the gunperson in Tumbler Ridge.

Anchorpersons at the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation confirmed that newspersons on the ground had confirmed the identity with multiple policepersons and firepersons present at the scene.

"CBC News can now confirm that local patrolpersons have a positive ID on the gunperson," said reporterperson Brad Stevenson. "The identification came through a city councilperson who passed a tip from a mailperson on to a policeperson. We now go live to our cameraperson who is on the scene."

At publishing time, the CBC anchorperson had turned things over to the station's weatherperson for what to expect this weekend.

 

[rightwinger]

Media Baffled As To Anything Mass Shooters Might Possibly Have In Common​

Media·Feb 11, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

View attachment 1218135

U.S. — With the horrific news breaking of yet another mass shooting at a school, the media has remained completely stumped as to anything recent mass shooters could have in common.

Journalists desperately pored over the profiles of mass shooters over the last four years, hoping to find any sort of similarity or connection.

"What could it be??" sighed CNN journalist Mark Beuhler. "Think, Mark, think. There has to be something these people have in common, some thread that ties them together. I keep looking at these photos, these social media profiles. I just can't see it."

Journalists warned the public that despite their best efforts, no pattern whatsoever could be discerned that might help explain these shootings. "There is no rhyme or reason that we can elucidate," said investigator Roger Malone. "If only there was some sort of life experience, prescription medication, online community, social indoctrination, political affiliation, anything that these people shared, perhaps we could help stop more of these from happening. It's too bad."

At publishing time, journalists had proudly announced the discovery that all of the recent mass shooters were white.

Babylon Bee?

 

[TroglocratsRdumb]

The Crazy Left Wingers demand that everyone else participate in their delusions.

 

[marvin martian]

Babylon Bee?

Have you heard of it?