Massie Blames Defeat On Jews Of Rural Kentucky

[Votto]

Massie Blames Defeat On Jews Of Rural Kentucky​

Politics·May 20, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

LOUISVILLE, KY — Representative Thomas Massie has accused the Jewish population of rural Kentucky of being the cause of his primary defeat.

After taking the stage to concede the race to Ed Gallrein, an angry Massie squarely laid the blame for his loss on the "dirty Zionists" of the tiny country towns that dot the Ohio River valley.

"I couldn't reach Gallrein to concede. He was probably lost with his supporters in yet another small-town Kentucky synagogue," declared Massie. "Yes, the deck was stacked against me by the Hebrew population of rural Kentucky. We ran a great campaign, I'm really proud of our team. We just couldn't overcome the Hasidic powers that control the farm towns of Appalachia."

Watching as the votes were tallied, Massie's campaign manager Randy Barnes stated that the Congressman had performed well in a few areas, but could not overcome the losses in heavily-Jewish areas of backwoods Kentucky. "Those nudniks really put the kabash on us," sighed Barnes. "Despite Israeli influence over the little villages of Kentucky, we showed a lot of chutzpah out there on the campaign trail. Mazel tov to Ed on his victory."

At publishing time, Massie had announced that he would now pursue his lifelong libertarian dream of opening a pot store.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

Someone is going to believe this.

 

[shockedcanadian]

Massie Blames Defeat On Jews Of Rural Kentucky​

Politics·May 20, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

View attachment 1259094

LOUISVILLE, KY — Representative Thomas Massie has accused the Jewish population of rural Kentucky of being the cause of his primary defeat.

After taking the stage to concede the race to Ed Gallrein, an angry Massie squarely laid the blame for his loss on the "dirty Zionists" of the tiny country towns that dot the Ohio River valley.

"I couldn't reach Gallrein to concede. He was probably lost with his supporters in yet another small-town Kentucky synagogue," declared Massie. "Yes, the deck was stacked against me by the Hebrew population of rural Kentucky. We ran a great campaign, I'm really proud of our team. We just couldn't overcome the Hasidic powers that control the farm towns of Appalachia."

Watching as the votes were tallied, Massie's campaign manager Randy Barnes stated that the Congressman had performed well in a few areas, but could not overcome the losses in heavily-Jewish areas of backwoods Kentucky. "Those nudniks really put the kabash on us," sighed Barnes. "Despite Israeli influence over the little villages of Kentucky, we showed a lot of chutzpah out there on the campaign trail. Mazel tov to Ed on his victory."

At publishing time, Massie had announced that he would now pursue his lifelong libertarian dream of opening a pot store.

Errr, how many voters in Kentucky are Jewish? Did these same people once vote him in?

 

[Dogmaphobe]

Errr, how many voters in Kentucky are Jewish?

That's the whole joke.

The Babylon Bee is satire.

 

[Hafar1014]

There are 4 Jews in Kentucky.

 

[shockedcanadian]

That's the whole joke.

The Babylon Bee is satire.

Ah, didn't realize this was the satire section lol.

 

[Dogmaphobe]

There are 4 Jews in Kentucky.

Yep. Paula Shapiro, Debbie Shapiro, David Shapiro and Josh Shapiro.

I don't think they are related.

 

[TNHarley]

Lol did his competitor even get any grassroots help? Or was it all israel and trumps israeli first big money donors?

 

[Frankeneinstein]

Massie Blames Defeat On Jews Of Rural Kentucky

oh yeah, the j.o.r.k.s a three piece band outta possum flats...good sound...or he could just be polishing his white liberal resume