Judge Determines Trump Will Get The Nation On Weekdays, While Musk Gets Every Other Weekend And Holidays

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Judge Determines Trump Will Get The Nation On Weekdays, While Musk Gets Every Other Weekend And Holidays​

U.S.·Jun 5, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

U.S. — As the American people sat back helplessly and watched a once-close relationship fall apart, a judge issued a ruling that President Donald Trump would get the nation on weekdays, while Elon Musk would get it every other weekend and on holidays.

The tumultuous split of the previously happy billionaires grabbed headlines this week, culminating in both parties going to court to seek a fair custody agreement of the United States of America.

"We got a good deal, though I do believe the nation belongs with me," Trump told reporters after the judge's ruling was announced. "A president is like a father. I am the father of this country. The best one it has ever had, maybe ever. Except for George Washington. But he had a ponytail. You can't really trust a guy with a ponytail, from what I've been told. But Elon can still visit. For now. If he keeps this up, that might change. He should be careful, believe me."

Musk was diplomatic in his response to the judge's decision. "We will abide by the court order," he said in a statement. "It's important for America to know that President Trump and I still love each other, it's just a different type of love now than it was before. We still want what's best for this country, we are just living different lives now. This isn't America's fault. Sometimes, billionaires just grow apart."

At publishing time, the White House issued a statement clarifying that President Trump would be responsible for taking the nation to all of its baseball practices and piano lessons.