My Catholic upbringing was from 1968 to 1980. In 1983, my mom died of cancer and a nun said it was part of "God's Plan".
Pretty much done with Catholicism after that, except to viciously mock it at every oppurtunity.
That's right, I remember now, I'm sorry you had to jog my memory. You had also told me then that the nuns who taught you didn't seem to be affected by Vatican II.
There is a little girl who lost her father over the summer. It is not nuns, but still other well-intended friends and their parents who try to offer comfort by reminding her that her daddy is in heaven. She said recently, "I want people to
STOP telling me Daddy is in heaven. I don't want Daddy to be in heaven. I want him to be here, with me." She now sees heaven as preventing her dad from being with her.
I can understand that. Like her, like you, like most people who have suffered great grief, we understand there is not one single thing a person can say to make things better. But people, being people (and kind people at that) can't help but try to comfort. As a grown-up, I can recognize and accept that--but children expect better.
Children are not impressed by a Supreme Being who allows them to be hurt by a parent, whether through death or live parental actions. Children know they deserve more love than they are receiving.