Is It OK to Deny Sex to your Spouse?

[Buzz Jenkins]

I think we ought to treat marriage contracts like sports contracts. They eventually expire and can be renewed or not. If your contract is not picked up then you can go free agent. Plus you can get performance bonuses for things like oral sex and taking out the trash. You can even negotiate trades!

 

[Syriusly]

... is it ever OK to totally cut your spouse off from sex?
Is it even OK to say "no" more often than yes?
What if your spouse has a high sex drive and you don't.....

Clearly its wrong if I am cut off from sex.......

 

[Bonzi]

... is it ever OK to totally cut your spouse off from sex?
Is it even OK to say "no" more often than yes?
What if your spouse has a high sex drive and you don't.....

Clearly its wrong if I am cut off from sex.......

If you are married, yes, I agree.
Of course, if you are living a non-Christian secular life, anything goes....

 

[Bonzi]

women do it all the time, no news here.

they may do it, but is it wrong MORALLY?
even without being a Christian by secular "moral" standards...?

 

[danielpalos]

... is it ever OK to totally cut your spouse off from sex?
Is it even OK to say "no" more often than yes?
What if your spouse has a high sex drive and you don't.....

Clearly its wrong if I am cut off from sex.......

If you are married, yes, I agree.
Of course, if you are living a non-Christian secular life, anything goes....

You don't believe in "common operating" agreements and quality of "customer service" agreements?

 

[danielpalos]

i don't bother complaining when i have enough money; i Only complain for free when i don't have enough money under our form of Capitalism as distinguished from Socialism.

 

[Syriusly]

... is it ever OK to totally cut your spouse off from sex?
Is it even OK to say "no" more often than yes?
What if your spouse has a high sex drive and you don't.....

Clearly its wrong if I am cut off from sex.......

If you are married, yes, I agree.
Of course, if you are living a non-Christian secular life, anything goes....

Well I am married- but it has always been wrong when I have been cut off from sex regardless.

Wrong for me mind you.......

 

[Syriusly]

women do it all the time, no news here.

they may do it, but is it wrong MORALLY?
even without being a Christian by secular "moral" standards...?

For a more serious response from me.

I think what you raised is actually a complex issue.

No one deserves sex- neither party in a relationship.
However, most marriages, at least initially involved sex- and an expectation that there will be sex within the marriage.
Denial of sex as a tool I think is wrong. Denial of sex as a form of retribution I also think is wrong.

But just not being interested in sex? I think it is okay to deny sex when you are not interested in sex- but that comes with important caveats.

Sex for many couples- maybe most- is a very intimate form of bonding- lack of sex can remove an element of bonding- or can indicate a problem with intimacy within the relationship. Why does one partner desire sex with the other- while one doesn't?

It creates an imbalance in the relationship- and I think that not recognizing and dealing with it can be deadly to a relationship.

 

[Syriusly]

I went for "other" because of the verb "deny". That implies it's a commodity to be traded for a price. Sex is supposed to be a consensual gig. If it's done as a favor, such as "I'll mow your lawn while you're on vacation", then it has no meaning.

what if you grow "disinterested" in sex, and no amount of counseling has helped?

If no 'counseling' helps- what about medical advice?

For instance there are medications that affect libido- anti-depressants are a common cause for loss of libido- and one I have heard can be a huge issue- I know of women who have had their depression 'cured' by antidepressants, but completely lost desire for sex as a result- which caused real issues within their marriages.

Ultimately I think that a huge imbalance could lead to harm or even an end to a marriage. It depends on everything else in the relationship and how important sex is to the partner who does want it.

 

[Bonzi]

I went for "other" because of the verb "deny". That implies it's a commodity to be traded for a price. Sex is supposed to be a consensual gig. If it's done as a favor, such as "I'll mow your lawn while you're on vacation", then it has no meaning.

what if you grow "disinterested" in sex, and no amount of counseling has helped?

If no 'counseling' helps- what about medical advice?

For instance there are medications that affect libido- anti-depressants are a common cause for loss of libido- and one I have heard can be a huge issue- I know of women who have had their depression 'cured' by antidepressants, but completely lost desire for sex as a result- which caused real issues within their marriages.

Ultimately I think that a huge imbalance could lead to harm or even an end to a marriage. It depends on everything else in the relationship and how important sex is to the partner who does want it.

The problem too, with counseling, is that unless you are really committed to the process (all in) and doing what is suggested, it's going to fail. A lot of people aren't helped by counseling because they are not willing to do the work or make the changes.....

 

[Bonzi]

... is it ever OK to totally cut your spouse off from sex?
Is it even OK to say "no" more often than yes?
What if your spouse has a high sex drive and you don't.....

Clearly its wrong if I am cut off from sex.......

If you are married, yes, I agree.
Of course, if you are living a non-Christian secular life, anything goes....

Well I am married- but it has always been wrong when I have been cut off from sex regardless.

Wrong for me mind you.......

I don't quite understand why you would want to have sex with someone that is not interested...
E.G. hey baby, let's fool around.. no, I'm not in the mood - instant turn off. No?

 

[Buzz Jenkins]

... is it ever OK to totally cut your spouse off from sex?
Is it even OK to say "no" more often than yes?
What if your spouse has a high sex drive and you don't.....

Clearly its wrong if I am cut off from sex.......

If you are married, yes, I agree.
Of course, if you are living a non-Christian secular life, anything goes....

Well I am married- but it has always been wrong when I have been cut off from sex regardless.

Wrong for me mind you.......

I don't quite understand why you would want to have sex with someone that is not interested...
E.G. hey baby, let's fool around.. no, I'm not in the mood - instant turn off. No?

Don't be dense. Some men will screw a mule if it feels good.

BTW, notice how I used the word "screw" instead of "****"? That is because I am coming to appreciate and respect you, Bonzi!

 

[Bonzi]

... is it ever OK to totally cut your spouse off from sex?
Is it even OK to say "no" more often than yes?
What if your spouse has a high sex drive and you don't.....

Clearly its wrong if I am cut off from sex.......

If you are married, yes, I agree.
Of course, if you are living a non-Christian secular life, anything goes....

Well I am married- but it has always been wrong when I have been cut off from sex regardless.

Wrong for me mind you.......

I don't quite understand why you would want to have sex with someone that is not interested...
E.G. hey baby, let's fool around.. no, I'm not in the mood - instant turn off. No?

Don't be dense. Some men will screw a mule if it feels good.

BTW, notice how I used the word "screw" instead of "****"? That is because I am coming to appreciate and respect you, Bonzi!

Oh wow I'm honored :/

 

[Delta4Embassy]

... is it ever OK to totally cut your spouse off from sex?
Is it even OK to say "no" more often than yes?
What if your spouse has a high sex drive and you don't.....

Legally, of course. Morally, of course. Religiously...Eh...Tricky.

 

[Syriusly]

... is it ever OK to totally cut your spouse off from sex?
Is it even OK to say "no" more often than yes?
What if your spouse has a high sex drive and you don't.....

Clearly its wrong if I am cut off from sex.......

If you are married, yes, I agree.
Of course, if you are living a non-Christian secular life, anything goes....

Well I am married- but it has always been wrong when I have been cut off from sex regardless.

Wrong for me mind you.......

I don't quite understand why you would want to have sex with someone that is not interested...
E.G. hey baby, let's fool around.. no, I'm not in the mood - instant turn off. No?

I really cannot claim to comprehend how the desire for sex works for a woman. But for guys- for me- there is the desire for sex- and the desire for sex with your lifelong partner.

Sexual response to a certain degree- but actual desire for sex? Most guys wake up with an erection- or have an erection at some point in their sleep cycle. Wake up with the erection and pretty much any guy is interested in having sex right then and there.

His partner not being interested doesn't mean the desire suddenly goes away.

Now as a lifelong partner with someone, most of us have committed to having sex with only their life partner- and for some of us- we are still really, really attracted to our partner- so our desire it channeled to our partner.

Hearing 'no I am not in the mood' is not really a turn off- it is just frustrating. And it can feel like a personal rejection- even if it is not meant to be.

 

[TrinityPower]

I think we ought to treat marriage contracts like sports contracts. They eventually expire and can be renewed or not. If your contract is not picked up then you can go free agent. Plus you can get performance bonuses for things like oral sex and taking out the trash. You can even negotiate trades!

Sounds like the marriage agreement the character on the show Gouse of Cards has with his wife

 

[TrinityPower]

Women never have to be in the mood to be able to perform. A man does. If a man is not in the mood it is not going to happen so if a man is denying a woman can't make the mans body work if it doesn't want to but a woman's body doesn't have that problem so she really has no choice. Some men do not care if the woman doesn't want to, she is the wife and therefore obligated, if she participates or not is not his problem

 

[Jarlaxle]

Other: The role of a woman in marriage is to please her Husband, so it is not appropriate for her to deny him. However, since the act is about His pleasure not hers, He is free to choose when He is and is not interested.

^^ Bizarre post of the day. Probably the week/month/year as well.

Love the way he capitalizes "husband" and "he" as if he thinks he's some kind of god.

Is this the first post of his you have read? It's not even in the top twenty (probably not the top fifty) for crazy-ass shit he has posted here!

 

[ChrisL]

It depends on the circumstances. Are you sick? Do you have your period? Maybe you're really tired or something. Yes, sometimes it's fine, and if your husband/wife or significant other loves you and cares about you, I think they would understand and not force the issue.

Now if it is on a regular basis for no apparent reason, then there is probably an issue. Maybe you aren't into him anymore, maybe he isn't into you or whatever? Maybe one is cheating. Also, there are psychological issues and medications that can effect a man's performance.

 

[danielpalos]

in my case, she just needs to claim she wants to help me with my endurance and stamina.