Irreverent Jokes

[Sky Dancer]

Q. What do you get when you cross a Jehovah Witness and a Buddhist?

A. Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

 

[Sky Dancer]

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?" he asked.

"No, Father. Just a little gas," Sister Susan explained.

A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?" he asked again.

"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas," she replied again.

A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, "Cute little fart."

 

[Sky Dancer]

The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices an unusally fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers. "What is that phone for?" he asks the pontiff.

"It's my direct line to the Lord." The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices. The Holy Father insists the Rabbi try it out, and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord. The Rabbi holds a lengthy discussion with Him.

After hanging up the Rabbi says, "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to pay for my phone charges." The Pope, of course, refuses, but the Rabbi is steadfast and finally, the pontiff gives in.

He checks the counter on the phone and says, "All right! The charges were 100,000 Lira" ($56). The Chief Rabbi gladly hands over the payment.

A few months later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit. In The the Chief Rabbi's chambers, he sees a phone identical to his and learns it is also is a direct line to the Lord. The Pope remembers he has an urgent matter that requires divine consultation and asks if he can use the Rabbi's phone. The Rabbi gladly agrees, hands him the phone, and the Pope chats away.

After hanging up, the Pope offers to pay for the phone charges. Of course, the Chief Rabbi refuses to accept payment. After the Pope insists, the Rabbi relents and looks on the phone counter.Shekel 50" ($0.42).

The Pope looks surprised, "Why so cheap?"

The Rabbi smiles, "Local call."

 

[Sky Dancer]

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord."

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community."

The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country."

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.

 

[YWN666]

So.....Jesus walk into a hotel, places 4 nails on the desk and asks "Can you put me up for the night?"

 

[pAr]

Q. What do you get when you cross a Jehovah Witness and a Buddhist?

A. Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

Q. What is the difference between 2 Jehovah Witnesses and 2 testicles?

A. None: no matter how long they keep banging, they must not get in!

 

[Andrew2382]

Q- Why do women love Jesus?


A- Because he was hung like this (spread your arms out)


ooooo thats fucked up...but you laughed and are going to hell with me!

 

[pAr]

Q- Why do women love Jesus?


A- Because he was hung like this (spread your arms out)


ooooo thats fucked up...but you laughed and are going to hell with me!

Q. Do you know why the Maiden Mary is always depicted with a sad face?

A. She wanted a girl!

 

[Luissa]

This one you have to be in person and tell it somewhere like a bar!
Q. How does every black joke start?

wait a few seconds then look over both shoulders, like you are looking for someone!

 

[pAr]

A man and a woman are on their first date... On their way back, he invites her for a nightcap at his place... She hesitates, but finally agrees.

Next to the bar, he suddenly asks, "one, or two fingers?"

"Hmmm, she replies, I'd rather have a Scotch whisky first!"