Zone1 Inability to forgive. Guidance please.

[forkintheroad7]

There are some who have done such harm to me through lies and evil deception that even many years later I still cannot forgive them.

Though I don't think about these people every day, from time to time I do and not forgiving eats me alive though it is well warranted and justified.

Ultimately it would have to be them who asks for forgiveness to rescue their own soul, but I am paying the price in some form.

Any of you fall into such a category? Advice?

I could have written this myself.

One time when I was struggling to forgive someone (of a whopper sin) I told God, "No way am I going to condone it"

I was conflating (in my heart, not my head..) forgiveness of the sin w/ condoning it.. I think what Jesus requires/asks is that we let go of bitterness and resentment caused by the offense, but I tend to think we do that only for ourselves, not for anyone else. I just remind mysellf, when I struggle to forgive: "There is no bitterness/resentment/lack of forgiveness in Heaven.. It's just a bad thing that won't be allowed in.. so you have to ditch it." That does not at all mean one should still be involved with the offender. Some people are just poison--- and should be avoided at all cost.

"If your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and cast it from you" Jesus said..

 

[Unkotare]

There are some who have done such harm to me through lies and evil deception that even many years later I still cannot forgive them.

Though I don't think about these people every day, from time to time I do and not forgiving eats me alive though it is well warranted and justified.

Ultimately it would have to be them who asks for forgiveness to rescue their own soul, but I am paying the price in some form.

Any of you fall into such a category? Advice?

Every time you feel like that, go out and do something nice for a perfect stranger. You'll see.

 

[forkintheroad7]

The key is not taking it personally.

The forces that drive people to harm others will destroy them ultimately.

If they did not harm you, they would have harmed others in your stead. It has nothing really to do with YOU.

The Bible commands us to hate evil, but not people, if that makes any sense.

It's easy to forgive when you think of a person spending eternity separated from God (all that is good) over a serious injustice done to you... (never repented of). And Hell is painful, I've heard.. not just a deprivation of good things one had on Earth but painful.. Jesus didn't call it "eternal punishment" for nothing.

 

[shockedcanadian]

Every time you feel like that, go out and do something nice for a perfect stranger. You'll see.

I try and perform a good deed to someone each day, it's a Mitzvah in fact. Opportunities don't always present themselves and the harm done to me doesn't disappear unfortunately.