How do you get a nun pregnant?

[CivilLiberty]

How do you get a nun pregnant?



A: Dress her up like an alter boy!

 

[Avatar4321]

How do you get a nun pregnant?



A: Dress her up like an alter boy!

Does this mean you fantasize of sex with alter boys? I mean after all you cant get a nun pregnant unless you have sex with her and if you have to dress her up as an alter boy isnt that indication of some problems?

I know you were trying to tell a joke but its a bad one regardless. I tend not to joke about molesting boys. Its just poor taste.

 

[dilloduck]

Does this mean you fantasize of sex with alter boys? I mean after all you cant get a nun pregnant unless you have sex with her and if you have to dress her up as an alter boy isnt that indication of some problems?

I know you were trying to tell a joke but its a bad one regardless. I tend not to joke about molesting boys. Its just poor taste.

At least he's becoming more overt in his anti-religious postings. I like it better than the stuff that's hidden in some other "agenda".

Poor taste ?---Agreed.

 

[CivilLiberty]

At least he's becoming more overt in his anti-religious postings. I like it better than the stuff that's hidden in some other "agenda".

Poor taste ?---Agreed.

Actually, my girlfriend - who is a Catholic (and a sunday school teacher, and sings in the choir) - told this joke to me.


Regards


Andy

 

[Joz]

Actually, my girlfriend - who is a Catholic (and a sunday school teacher, and sings in the choir) - told this joke to me.

I like a woman with a sense of humor.

 

[Merlin1047]

Hey guys, that's an altar boy. Now normally I don't pick on people's spelling, but when you spell it "alter boy", you're making it sound like the kid is about to get a sex change.

I agree that the joke was in poor taste and thoroughly disgusting. Here's one that's MUCH more refined:

A priest goes out to lunch at a Mexican restaurant's all you can eat buffet. The food is so good that he goes back for seconds - refried beans and all. That evening, during confession Montezuma begins exacting revenge. There is a long line of repentant sinners waiting for the confessional and the priest does not want to make them wait, so he suffers the gut-churning torment as long as he can.

Finally, a longtime parishioner and personal friend, Frank, comes into the confessional. "Frank" whispers the priest "You've GOT to help me out. I'm about to crap in my drawers. Come over here and take confession for me while I run to the bathroom."

"I can't do that!" Frank protests. "I'm not a priest and besides, how would I know what to assign for penance?"

The priest pulls frank into his compartment and says "Look, it's no problem. All you have to do is look at this list. I have all sins alphabetized and cross-referenced and the penance is listed next to each."

Reluctantly, Frank agrees.

The next parishioner comes into the confessional and begins a litany of wrongdoings. Frank is busily taking notes, looking up the penance and then assigns the proper penance. This goes on for some time as the priest has been delayed far longer than he anticipated.

Finally a parishioner comes in and confesses that he has engaged in homosexual acts. Frank looks at the list of sins and finds nothing under "H". Concerned, he looks under "A" for "acts" - nothing. Increasingly desperate, Frank looks under "Q" and "F" and still finds nothing.

In a panic, Frank peeks through the curtains and sees an altar boy passing close by.

"Psssssst - hey kid" whispers Frank. "Come here".

When the altar boy approached, Frank hisses "Hey, what does the priest usually give for homosexual acts?"

To which the altar boy responds "It depends, but usually it's a Pepsi Cola and a Snickers bar."
========================================================

Okay, tell me I'm a pervert.

 

[Joz]

Two nun's were walking through the park. All of a sudden two BIG thugs jump out from behind the bushes and dragged them in opposite directions. A voice in the night cried out, Oh help him Father, for he knows not what he does".
Another voice cried out, "Mine does."

 

[Merlin1047]

Two nuns were assigned to a parrish in an ancient town in Germany.

One day while touring the town, they took a wrong turn and ended up getting a very bouncy ride because the street they had blundered onto was paved with cobblestones.

"I've never come this way before" said the first nun.

The second sighed and smiled "It's the cobblestones, sister."

 

[manu1959]

one day th holy father decides to sneak out of the vatican for a walk among the flock.....he disguises himself as a servant and take a stoll all over rome.....he returns late in the evening....as he sits and ponders his day mother superior approaches him and inquires how the ponifs day was....he tells of his disguse and all the people he met and and that he saw and waht a wonderful time he had....he then spoke of being confused by one thing...all of these lovley young women kep asking me this strange question ...........motherer superior " what is a blow job?".........same as on the outside $20

 

[Joz]

A blonde nun was in her room one night saying a prayer. God spoke to her & said, "My child, you have been a sweet & faithful servant". I would like to do something special for you. Anything".
The nun tho't for a minute and said, "You know, I really hate all those 'dumb blonde' jokes. They make me feel so bad".
God spoke, "Let all blonde jokes be stricken from the minds of all mankind".
Then the nun said, "There's one more small thing. Really not worthy of Your time".
"What is it my child"?
"It's those M & M's, God. They're so hard to peel."

 

[Joan]

Three nuns died and were greeted at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. "Welcome Ladies" said he. You girls devoted your whole lives to serving our Lord, that I think I would like to let you try life one more time. This time, you can go back to earth as anyone you would like!

First up was Sister Margaret - who said she would like to go back as Sophia Loren, St. Peter asked her why - she said "she is just so beautiful, and has had many men in her life" - St. Peter granted her wish.

Next came Sister Susan - who said she would like to go back as Marilyn Monroe, again St. Peter asked her why - she repeated Sister Margaret's comments about the beauty and the many men and St. Peter granted her wish.

Lastly was Sister Agnes - who stated she would like to go back as Sara Pippaliine. St. Peter was a bit confused. He said "I have never heard of this person, are you sure you have the name right". Sister Agnes pulled a newspaper from her habit, and the headline stated "Sahara Pipeline Laid By 500 men in 5 days!

 

[CivilLiberty]

Hey guys, that's an altar boy. Now normally I don't pick on people's spelling, but when you spell it "alter boy", you're making it sound like the kid is about to get a sex change.

LOL! I missed that!(I guess alter boys are what live out in West Hollywood)...

I agree that the joke was in poor taste and thoroughly disgusting. Here's one that's MUCH more refined:

A priest goes out to lunch at a Mexican restaurant's all you can eat buffet. The food is so good that he goes back for seconds - refried beans and all. That evening, during confession Montezuma begins exacting revenge. There is a long line of repentant sinners waiting for the confessional and the priest does not want to make them wait, so he suffers the gut-churning torment as long as he can.

Finally, a longtime parishioner and personal friend, Frank, comes into the confessional. "Frank" whispers the priest "You've GOT to help me out. I'm about to crap in my drawers. Come over here and take confession for me while I run to the bathroom."

"I can't do that!" Frank protests. "I'm not a priest and besides, how would I know what to assign for penance?"

The priest pulls frank into his compartment and says "Look, it's no problem. All you have to do is look at this list. I have all sins alphabetized and cross-referenced and the penance is listed next to each."

Reluctantly, Frank agrees.

The next parishioner comes into the confessional and begins a litany of wrongdoings. Frank is busily taking notes, looking up the penance and then assigns the proper penance. This goes on for some time as the priest has been delayed far longer than he anticipated.

Finally a parishioner comes in and confesses that he has engaged in homosexual acts. Frank looks at the list of sins and finds nothing under "H". Concerned, he looks under "A" for "acts" - nothing. Increasingly desperate, Frank looks under "Q" and "F" and still finds nothing.

In a panic, Frank peeks through the curtains and sees an altar boy passing close by.

"Psssssst - hey kid" whispers Frank. "Come here".

When the altar boy approached, Frank hisses "Hey, what does the priest usually give for homosexual acts?"

To which the altar boy responds "It depends, but usually it's a Pepsi Cola and a Snickers bar."
========================================================

Okay, tell me I'm a pervert.

Funny - I'm sending that to my girlfriend...


A

 

[Merlin1047]

Sister Frances, after serving ten years in a convent decided that the life of a nun was not for her. So she applied for a release from her order.

In time, all the paperwork was approved and the only thing left to accomplish was an exit briefing with Father O'Flannery.

"So tell me my child", queried the good Father "What will ye be doin' once ye go out into the wide world?"

"I'm going to be a prostitute" said sister Frances.

Father O'Flannery fainted dead away.

Later, when he came to, he said "Sister, I want you to tell me one more time what ye want to do when ye leave. But speak slowly please, and louder. I'm just a wee bit hard o' hearin'."

"I'm going to be a prostitute" intoned sister Frances.

"Oh saints be praised" shouted Father O'Flannery. "I thought ye said ye wanted to be a Protestant!"

 

[NightTrain]

4 nuns die in a tragic car accident.

They find themselves standing at the Pearly Gates, whereupon St. Peter informs the first one,

"Before you may enter, you must first confess the worst sin you've ever committed."

"Oh, that's easy. I touched a man's penis with this finger", she said, holding up her right index finger.

"No problem, dip it in this Holy Water, and ye may enter!" said St. Peter.

The nun entered the Pearly Gates.

"Confess your worst sin," He said to the second nun.

"I grabbed a man's penis with my right hand," answered the 2nd nun.

"Dip it in holy water, and ye may enter!"

About that time, St. Peter hears slapping, pushing and scuffling going on behind him. He turns to see the two remaining nuns shoving each other in an undignified manner.

"Here, here! What goes on?!" He thundered.

The nuns stopped scuffling and the 4th one answered,

"I'll be damned if I rinse my mouth out with that water after she dips her ass in it!"

 

[Jackass]

What does acne and a preist have in common?




They both come on a 14 yr old boys face.

 

[Shattered]

What does acne and a preist have in common?




They both come on a 14 yr old boys face.