How About a Joke Thread ?

[lg325]

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?




“You gonna eat that?”

 

[Captain Caveman]

US President Joe Biden sends his warm congratulations to Rishi Sunak, on his appointment as the UK's new Prime Minister...

 

[Ringo]

A father and son are out night fishing. The son looks up at the night sky and asks his father:

Dad, how do stars die?
Usually by overdosing, son.

 

[Ringo]

When feminists were outraged that gender separation was being maintained in the bathhouses, the men rejoiced, but when they saw the feminists, they demanded that it be left as it was.

Why do women love Apple brand gifts so much?
Well, it's been since the Old Testament....

Schrödinger's feminist is both a victim and a strong woman. And when something happens, she chooses which is more advantageous for her.

 

[Captain Caveman]

In the Bible, it said it rained for 40 days and 40 nights. They called that a disaster.

In the UK, we call that summer.

 

[Resnic]

A woman goes to the grocery store and gets 1 toothbrush, 1 toothpaste, single serving cereal, 1 frozen dinner, 1 apple and 1 drink.

She goes to checkout and puts everything in front of the cashier.

The cashier is ringing up her items and says "oh you must be single".

The lady says "how did you know?"

.
.
.
.
.
.


Cashier says "because you're fucking ugly".

 

[Captain Caveman]

Wednesday was national coffee with a cop day.


And something tells me cops like their coffee black with a couple of shots in it.

 

[Captain Caveman]

Torque setting in German is Gud und tight

 

[Auld Phart]

A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I’m voting for Trump."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”
And THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days!

 

[Captain Caveman]

Here's a frightening fact. If you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the third world for one year.

Now I don't know about you, but I have the feeling we're being overcharged for our groceries.

 

[Captain Caveman]

Did you know there's an app to find sex offenders in your area?


It's called Grindr

 

[Ringo]

Very useful advice for men.
If your eyes are covered by soft hands, a lush breast is in your back, and “Guess who?” is heard from behind.
Answer it anyway:
“John, is that you?”
Trust me, it's better that way.

 

[Ringo]

Can a woman get another woman pregnant?
Yes, if one of them competes in the Olympic Games.

- I'm your statistics teacher. Statistics is a very important science. For example, I can prove that the population of Ireland is many times that of China.
It's just that I'll only count redheads.

 

[App'z]

Truck Forums

Truck Forums - Discussion Forums For Dodge Chevy GMC Ford Toyota Nissan Truck Forum Enthusiasts. Dodge, Chevy, GMC, Ford, Toyota, Nissan, Talk

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[Dr.Destructo]

Whats the BEST gift you could ever give someone?




A broken Drum.




Why?





Cause you can't be that.

 

[Captain Caveman]

I just heard a woodpecker call me paranoid in morse code

 

[Blaster]

The newest convert to MAGA.

 

[Ringo]

Ask your woman what she would choose - you or a bottle of nice expensive and rare wine? Look at her carefully when she answers, “you, of course!”. Memorize that expression. It is with this face that she will lie to you in the future.

 

[Ringo]

The first marriage often fails because the woman is in a hurry to get into it, and she is in a hurry because she wants to get into a second marriage in time if the first one fails.

 

[Ringo]

If you install an alarm system on your car that makes loud sounds of female orgasm, a hundred witnesses to an attempt to steal it are assured.

Two of the world's most famous phrases:
I love you.
Made in China.
And neither guarantees anything.