Happy Wife Happy Life and why thats total Bullshit

[AVG-JOE]

Here's the litmus test that will never fail. When you choose your spouse, you understand that if it were ever necessary, you would willingly sacrifice your desires for that person. I don't mean trivial silliness, I mean when the chips are down you do what you need to do, realizing you made a COMMITMENT and you abide by it.

People unable to go there definitely have no business getting serious with a partner.

I don't know... Depends on what you mean by 'serious'.

I say, as long as everyone is honest and on the same page with regards to where the relationship is at,

 

[AVG-JOE]

When the wife is happy what happens that in return makes you happy? Is there anything she does or does it make the environment better without actions?

Seeing a loved one happy is enough. It's not necessarily a game of returns. But there are things in action that can be seen as making me happy from my personal experience. I'm not going to dive into that or anything. At the same time the environment is better without any actions. I grew up in a home where someone was always pissed off with someone else to the point the tension could be cut with a knife. I have a keen sense for that kind of tension in the air, and i do not like it. it's like walking on eggshells. Happy wife, happy life, bro.

Like I said bro its stops tension in the air but is no tension really happiness? That was what I said in the OP. I feel you...believe me but that is in essence saying that it keeps the peace.

Then why don't you just ask people to post their definition of 'happy'?

Some folks positively thrive on stress and/or drama. Some of them are posting in the FlameZone as you read this.

 

[AVG-JOE]

I don't nag my husband. There are many things I would like to nag him about, there are many things I'm less than pleased about, but I restrain myself. It does no good and I wouldn't want someone nagging me all the time.

I will tell him once about something and that's it. If it's a really serious matter, like he's driving us into a financial dark pit, I might bring it up again...occasionally. But usually I just figure out a solution on my own and leave him to his computers and books. He quit his job, went on unemployment for several months and then got a job making half of what he used to make. Almost destroyed us. Now he goes to work and that's it. He does not help out around the house at all. I do EVERYTHING. He doesn't even change light bulbs or take out trash.

This is a conscious decision of mine. It is easier for me to just take care of everything than to be constantly bickering and nagging at him. That's not who I want to be.

He's really kind of worthless any more. He didn't want to get his lazy butt out of bed and come with me when I had to take my beloved dog to the emergency vet. And he had the next day off, there was no reason he couldn't come along. And I had to have her put to sleep all by myself and drive home afterwards by myself.

But that's what the vows mean when they say "for better or for worse." I made a commitment and I'm in it to stay.

I kind of like being so self-sufficient, but damn, sometimes I'd like a shoulder to lean on.

Too much information?

Just curious... What do YOU do?

 

[Mertex]

Has there ever been a time when your wife was happy and all was right with the world?

Answer: NO! What most likely happened is you did some shit you didnt want to do to make her happy ASSUMING that her happiness will lead to your happiness. It wont. The most you can hope for is that the nagging will cease long enough to get some peace but that is false peace. Thats peace that you know cannot be maintained unless you consistently do things you dont want to do which is not making you happy in the first place.

A woman can be happy and it will have nothing to do with you at all. As a guy tho, when we are happy we share in it. When we are happy we WANT our woman to be happy because as a provider it makes you feel good to do so. Ya dig.

What a woman will do is try to convince you that if you do a specific set of things...a specific secret type of way...then that will unlock her happiness. If you've seen any cop show you know what happens when you give in to the Hostage taker. He takes the thing he claimed he really wanted and will ask for more things as long as you play the sucker.

Do not fall for this. Men, put your happiness first. She may even have a problem with the thing that makes you happy. Dont waiver from it because when you do something you like you'll come home a different person. We spread the happy around! She'll even mention how "different" you are afterwards or even better she'll ask when you are doing that thing again whenever you feel angst.

Whatever makes you happy does NOT get in the way of the relationship

I honestly don't know bro, I was married for 5 years and I tried to make her happy but evidently I failed there.

Well, don't take all the blame for it. It takes two people to make a marriage work. And, that means you keep working on your relationship even after the warm fuzzies wear off...you make memories together, you support each other through the good and the bad. Always when a marriage falls apart, one or the other is no longer working on it....it's impossible for one person to make it work.

And, if you have children, you work harder to make it work, to make it interesting, to make it happy....because the children don't deserve a broken home....but sometimes, if it has gotten to the point that it is affecting the children in a negative way, it is much better to just call it quits.

 

[ClosedCaption]

Seeing a loved one happy is enough. It's not necessarily a game of returns. But there are things in action that can be seen as making me happy from my personal experience. I'm not going to dive into that or anything. At the same time the environment is better without any actions. I grew up in a home where someone was always pissed off with someone else to the point the tension could be cut with a knife. I have a keen sense for that kind of tension in the air, and i do not like it. it's like walking on eggshells. Happy wife, happy life, bro.

Like I said bro its stops tension in the air but is no tension really happiness? That was what I said in the OP. I feel you...believe me but that is in essence saying that it keeps the peace.

Then why don't you just ask people to post their definition of 'happy'?

Some folks positively thrive on stress and/or drama. Some of them are posting in the FlameZone as you read this.

Ennnhh...I thought about it but thats such a vague concept that it can get complicated

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I don't nag my husband. There are many things I would like to nag him about, there are many things I'm less than pleased about, but I restrain myself. It does no good and I wouldn't want someone nagging me all the time.

I will tell him once about something and that's it. If it's a really serious matter, like he's driving us into a financial dark pit, I might bring it up again...occasionally. But usually I just figure out a solution on my own and leave him to his computers and books. He quit his job, went on unemployment for several months and then got a job making half of what he used to make. Almost destroyed us. Now he goes to work and that's it. He does not help out around the house at all. I do EVERYTHING. He doesn't even change light bulbs or take out trash.

This is a conscious decision of mine. It is easier for me to just take care of everything than to be constantly bickering and nagging at him. That's not who I want to be.

He's really kind of worthless any more. He didn't want to get his lazy butt out of bed and come with me when I had to take my beloved dog to the emergency vet. And he had the next day off, there was no reason he couldn't come along. And I had to have her put to sleep all by myself and drive home afterwards by myself.

But that's what the vows mean when they say "for better or for worse." I made a commitment and I'm in it to stay.

I kind of like being so self-sufficient, but damn, sometimes I'd like a shoulder to lean on.

Too much information?

Just curious... What do YOU do?

Not sure if this is what you're asking but I:

Work full time making about 2 1/2 times as much money as he does.
Wash all the dishes, cook all the meals. I mean ALL.
Do all the laundry.
Do all the grocery shopping
Do all the other shopping, including buying his clothes, shoes and other items he needs.
Do all the house cleaning, including taking out the trash.
Shovel the driveway and paths since he can't do it anymore because of his hernia.
Rake the leaves in the fall, luckily we don't have a lawn or I'd have to mow it.
Take care of four dogs and six cats, including cleaning six cat boxes every day, walking the dogs, taking to vet, brushing, trimming nails and claws, etc.
Do all the driving, he doesn't drive so I drive him to and from his work.
Since I'm the driver in the family, I also take care of all vehicle maintenance.
Take care of all the financial matters, pay the bills, balance checkbook, do the taxes.
Do minor repairs around the house, arrange for major repairs and maintenance.

I should mention. He does fill the cats' bowls with dry food once a day. Umm...that's about it.

 

[House]

I don't nag my husband. There are many things I would like to nag him about, there are many things I'm less than pleased about, but I restrain myself. It does no good and I wouldn't want someone nagging me all the time.

I will tell him once about something and that's it. If it's a really serious matter, like he's driving us into a financial dark pit, I might bring it up again...occasionally. But usually I just figure out a solution on my own and leave him to his computers and books. He quit his job, went on unemployment for several months and then got a job making half of what he used to make. Almost destroyed us. Now he goes to work and that's it. He does not help out around the house at all. I do EVERYTHING. He doesn't even change light bulbs or take out trash.

This is a conscious decision of mine. It is easier for me to just take care of everything than to be constantly bickering and nagging at him. That's not who I want to be.

He's really kind of worthless any more. He didn't want to get his lazy butt out of bed and come with me when I had to take my beloved dog to the emergency vet. And he had the next day off, there was no reason he couldn't come along. And I had to have her put to sleep all by myself and drive home afterwards by myself.

But that's what the vows mean when they say "for better or for worse." I made a commitment and I'm in it to stay.

I kind of like being so self-sufficient, but damn, sometimes I'd like a shoulder to lean on.

Too much information?

Just curious... What do YOU do?

Not sure if this is what you're asking but I:

Work full time making about 2 1/2 times as much money as he does.
Wash all the dishes, cook all the meals. I mean ALL.
Do all the laundry.
Do all the grocery shopping
Do all the other shopping, including buying his clothes, shoes and other items he needs.
Do all the house cleaning, including taking out the trash.
Shovel the driveway and paths since he can't do it anymore because of his hernia.
Rake the leaves in the fall, luckily we don't have a lawn or I'd have to mow it.
Take care of four dogs and six cats, including cleaning six cat boxes every day, walking the dogs, taking to vet, brushing, trimming nails and claws, etc.
Do all the driving, he doesn't drive so I drive him to and from his work.
Since I'm the driver in the family, I also take care of all vehicle maintenance.
Take care of all the financial matters, pay the bills, balance checkbook, do the taxes.
Do minor repairs around the house, arrange for major repairs and maintenance.

I should mention. He does fill the cats' bowls with dry food once a day. Umm...that's about it.

You has a cat?

Dump the loser, I'll drive the car.

See? I'm willing to step up!

 

[Barb]

Why not Barb? What happens when the female manages to whip a dude that bad?

There needs to be a balance. See my first post on the thread. When either spouse is forced to be someone / something they're not, the whole reason for the original attraction is eliminated, the one who forced the change will grow bored, and the one changed will grow to be uncomfortable in and resentful of a role they didn't choose and aren't quite sure how they came to fill.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Just curious... What do YOU do?

Not sure if this is what you're asking but I:

Work full time making about 2 1/2 times as much money as he does.
Wash all the dishes, cook all the meals. I mean ALL.
Do all the laundry.
Do all the grocery shopping
Do all the other shopping, including buying his clothes, shoes and other items he needs.
Do all the house cleaning, including taking out the trash.
Shovel the driveway and paths since he can't do it anymore because of his hernia.
Rake the leaves in the fall, luckily we don't have a lawn or I'd have to mow it.
Take care of four dogs and six cats, including cleaning six cat boxes every day, walking the dogs, taking to vet, brushing, trimming nails and claws, etc.
Do all the driving, he doesn't drive so I drive him to and from his work.
Since I'm the driver in the family, I also take care of all vehicle maintenance.
Take care of all the financial matters, pay the bills, balance checkbook, do the taxes.
Do minor repairs around the house, arrange for major repairs and maintenance.

I should mention. He does fill the cats' bowls with dry food once a day. Umm...that's about it.

You has a cat?

Dump the loser, I'll drive the car.

See? I'm willing to step up!

Actually, you have no idea how awesome it would be for me if someone would drive the car. I can have problems with panic attacks while driving in some situations, although due to my very tough and stubborn nature I seem to have overcome this enough to take care of what driving needs to be done. But, man! To have someone drive me around for a change...awesome! Are you a good driver? I have a brand new Hyundai Santa Fe Sport with AWD, too. Just hit 1000 miles on it.

 

[House]

Not sure if this is what you're asking but I:

Work full time making about 2 1/2 times as much money as he does.
Wash all the dishes, cook all the meals. I mean ALL.
Do all the laundry.
Do all the grocery shopping
Do all the other shopping, including buying his clothes, shoes and other items he needs.
Do all the house cleaning, including taking out the trash.
Shovel the driveway and paths since he can't do it anymore because of his hernia.
Rake the leaves in the fall, luckily we don't have a lawn or I'd have to mow it.
Take care of four dogs and six cats, including cleaning six cat boxes every day, walking the dogs, taking to vet, brushing, trimming nails and claws, etc.
Do all the driving, he doesn't drive so I drive him to and from his work.
Since I'm the driver in the family, I also take care of all vehicle maintenance.
Take care of all the financial matters, pay the bills, balance checkbook, do the taxes.
Do minor repairs around the house, arrange for major repairs and maintenance.

I should mention. He does fill the cats' bowls with dry food once a day. Umm...that's about it.

You has a cat?

Dump the loser, I'll drive the car.

See? I'm willing to step up!

Actually, you have no idea how awesome it would be for me if someone would drive the car. I can have problems with panic attacks while driving in some situations, although due to my very tough and stubborn nature I seem to have overcome this enough to take care of what driving needs to be done. But, man! To have someone drive me around for a change...awesome! Are you a good driver? I have a brand new Hyundai Santa Fe Sport with AWD, too. Just hit 1000 miles on it.

I'm a great driver. I have to keep my MVR clear, if I want to keep working as a professional driver.

Before I got my CDL, I'd put about a thousand miles a week on my car just running around... ah, back when gas was affordable...

 

[ClosedCaption]

Why not Barb? What happens when the female manages to whip a dude that bad?

There needs to be a balance. See my first post on the thread. When either spouse is forced to be someone / something they're not, the whole reason for the original attraction is eliminated, the one who forced the change will grow bored, and the one changed will grow to be uncomfortable in and resentful of a role they didn't choose and aren't quite sure how they came to fill.

I say it a different way but I agree 100%

A woman will spend her time trying to change who you are, if she succeeds she will dump you for someone who was what YOU WERE when she met you.

I think the problem with me is that people take my way as abrasive so they recoil from it initially but once they get finished gasping and placing the back of their hand on their foreheads they start to look at the substance.

 

[Toro]

Why not Barb? What happens when the female manages to whip a dude that bad?

There needs to be a balance. See my first post on the thread. When either spouse is forced to be someone / something they're not, the whole reason for the original attraction is eliminated, the one who forced the change will grow bored, and the one changed will grow to be uncomfortable in and resentful of a role they didn't choose and aren't quite sure how they came to fill.

I say it a different way but I agree 100%

A woman will spend her time trying to change who you are, if she succeeds she will dump you for someone who was what YOU WERE when she met you.

I think the problem with me is that people take my way as abrasive so they recoil from it initially but once they get finished gasping and placing the back of their hand on their foreheads they start to look at the substance.

My wife didn't try to change me one iota.

Of course, I'm perfect, so her efforts would have been futile anyways.

 

[ClosedCaption]

There needs to be a balance. See my first post on the thread. When either spouse is forced to be someone / something they're not, the whole reason for the original attraction is eliminated, the one who forced the change will grow bored, and the one changed will grow to be uncomfortable in and resentful of a role they didn't choose and aren't quite sure how they came to fill.

I say it a different way but I agree 100%

A woman will spend her time trying to change who you are, if she succeeds she will dump you for someone who was what YOU WERE when she met you.

I think the problem with me is that people take my way as abrasive so they recoil from it initially but once they get finished gasping and placing the back of their hand on their foreheads they start to look at the substance.

My wife didn't try to change me one iota.

Of course, I'm perfect, so her efforts would have been futile anyways.

Never asked you to do or for anything? This is a breathing spouse correct? Not one of those new lifestyle blow up doll situations or something to that effect, right?

 

[Barb]

Why not Barb? What happens when the female manages to whip a dude that bad?

There needs to be a balance. See my first post on the thread. When either spouse is forced to be someone / something they're not, the whole reason for the original attraction is eliminated, the one who forced the change will grow bored, and the one changed will grow to be uncomfortable in and resentful of a role they didn't choose and aren't quite sure how they came to fill.

I say it a different way but I agree 100%

A woman will spend her time trying to change who you are, if she succeeds she will dump you for someone who was what YOU WERE when she met you.

I think the problem with me is that people take my way as abrasive so they recoil from it initially but once they get finished gasping and placing the back of their hand on their foreheads they start to look at the substance.

Yes, but women face the same pressures sometimes, and the same results.

 

[High_Gravity]

Why not Barb? What happens when the female manages to whip a dude that bad?

There needs to be a balance. See my first post on the thread. When either spouse is forced to be someone / something they're not, the whole reason for the original attraction is eliminated, the one who forced the change will grow bored, and the one changed will grow to be uncomfortable in and resentful of a role they didn't choose and aren't quite sure how they came to fill.

I say it a different way but I agree 100%

A woman will spend her time trying to change who you are, if she succeeds she will dump you for someone who was what YOU WERE when she met you.

I think the problem with me is that people take my way as abrasive so they recoil from it initially but once they get finished gasping and placing the back of their hand on their foreheads they start to look at the substance.

My ex told me after we broke up that she never wanted a boyfriend who smoked and we were together 5 years, she wanted me to change into a totally different person apparently.

 

[Barb]

I say it a different way but I agree 100%

A woman will spend her time trying to change who you are, if she succeeds she will dump you for someone who was what YOU WERE when she met you.

I think the problem with me is that people take my way as abrasive so they recoil from it initially but once they get finished gasping and placing the back of their hand on their foreheads they start to look at the substance.

My wife didn't try to change me one iota.

Of course, I'm perfect, so her efforts would have been futile anyways.

Never asked you to do or for anything? This is a breathing spouse correct? Not one of those new lifestyle blow up doll situations or something to that effect, right?

It's not necessarily the "spouse," but the relationship. My other half is big on communication (including the listening part!), and while we may get angry at each other from time to time, there is none of the dramatic (and oh, so exhausting) yelling. Additionally, we accept each other (having skipped the "best behavior" stage for true introductions). Most of all, neither of us try to establish any "upper hand" that mars so many relationships.

This isn't I've been in much worse places, so has he. We've learned our lessons, and the peace is a breath of fresh air.

 

[High_Gravity]

My wife didn't try to change me one iota.

Of course, I'm perfect, so her efforts would have been futile anyways.

Never asked you to do or for anything? This is a breathing spouse correct? Not one of those new lifestyle blow up doll situations or something to that effect, right?

It's not necessarily the "spouse," but the relationship. My other half is big on communication (including the listening part!), and while we may get angry at each other from time to time, there is none of the dramatic (and oh, so exhausting) yelling. Additionally, we accept each other (having skipped the "best behavior" stage for true introductions). Most of all, neither of us try to establish any "upper hand" that mars so many relationships.

This isn't I've been in much worse places, so has he. We've learned our lessons, and the peace is a breath of fresh air.

Communication is key, my ex wife would just shut down during an argument and not speak, which I hated, and my ex gf would raise her voice and just want to shout, I'd like someone who could just speak to me lol.

 

[ClosedCaption]

There needs to be a balance. See my first post on the thread. When either spouse is forced to be someone / something they're not, the whole reason for the original attraction is eliminated, the one who forced the change will grow bored, and the one changed will grow to be uncomfortable in and resentful of a role they didn't choose and aren't quite sure how they came to fill.

I say it a different way but I agree 100%

A woman will spend her time trying to change who you are, if she succeeds she will dump you for someone who was what YOU WERE when she met you.

I think the problem with me is that people take my way as abrasive so they recoil from it initially but once they get finished gasping and placing the back of their hand on their foreheads they start to look at the substance.

Yes, but women face the same pressures sometimes, and the same results.

Sometimes but real talk women will look for a dude that has their stuff "together". Together of course means different things to different women but most of the time it involves having things...Job, Money, car etc. If not at least they need to be ambitious.

Men will date the fry girl at McDonalds. Our main requirement is being attractive. So we'll date a chick on the bus. When we tell our friends about it they dont say "She dont drive? "How much she make?" etc

 

[High_Gravity]

I say it a different way but I agree 100%

A woman will spend her time trying to change who you are, if she succeeds she will dump you for someone who was what YOU WERE when she met you.

I think the problem with me is that people take my way as abrasive so they recoil from it initially but once they get finished gasping and placing the back of their hand on their foreheads they start to look at the substance.

Yes, but women face the same pressures sometimes, and the same results.

Sometimes but real talk women will look for a dude that has their stuff "together". Together of course means different things to different women but most of the time it involves having things...Job, Money, car etc. If not at least they need to be ambitious.

Men will date the fry girl at McDonalds. Our main requirement is being attractive. So we'll date a chick on the bus. When we tell our friends about it they dont say "She dont drive? "How much she make?" etc

This is real talk right here.

 

[Mertex]

There needs to be a balance. See my first post on the thread. When either spouse is forced to be someone / something they're not, the whole reason for the original attraction is eliminated, the one who forced the change will grow bored, and the one changed will grow to be uncomfortable in and resentful of a role they didn't choose and aren't quite sure how they came to fill.

I say it a different way but I agree 100%

A woman will spend her time trying to change who you are, if she succeeds she will dump you for someone who was what YOU WERE when she met you.

I think the problem with me is that people take my way as abrasive so they recoil from it initially but once they get finished gasping and placing the back of their hand on their foreheads they start to look at the substance.

My wife didn't try to change me one iota.

Of course, I'm perfect, so her efforts would have been futile anyways.

Okay Toro....you're Mr. Right, right? Mr. Always Right.......