Goodbye Sneaker, You Won't Return!

Fed Starving

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Aleksar was watching a mock 70's movie. He was lying peacefully on his couch with his head on a cushion, half-drooling like a baby. The entertaining movie played, entering the opening scene. He was drifting off half-drowsy and innattentive. The classics channel recently started featuring mock-up movies that seemed like they were filmed in the 50s, 60s and 70s but were actually recent studio creations. He liked them because they were refreshing to see but they were shown too late for his daily routine.

"You said you wanted some answers. Told you should've left me alone. I don't got your profound realizations, the secrets of success, your insightful formulas. Take your meddling to the top of a mountain and slip. Maybe you'll get shot when you put that asshat on. You're toxic like a foul stench, quit spreading the stink around. Someone should shut you in a box and let you choke on your own wifi. I know what you're lookin' for. You're lookin' for a chump, some public antenna, some rolled over in a ditch and let 'em sort of sucker. You run around pattin' strangers on their shoulders, gettin' so close they can hear your thoughts, like you're a broadcaster or some shit. You think nobody knows what little trip you're runnin'. You know what, a lot of us know and we ain't gonna let that happen. Random headscrews like you get in the way of what makes life nice, you ain't gonna throw my head in a loop, not this time. There ain't gonna be an eraser this time, wipin' my thoughts away, makin' me forget what I'm supposed to be doin'. You ain't winnin' this time. You ain't confusin' us and you ain't walkin' away. Yeah, they saw you sneakin' in and meddlin' shit. It's over buddy. You ain't siftin' through other peoples things anymore. Say goodbye, sneaker. You ain't returnin'."

The man on the television was holding a revolver and pointing it at a wacky character that obviously wronged him. He shot the wacky man and the wacky man hit the sidewalk. The man put his revolver away with a cool demeanor. He said, "Goodbye sneaker, goodbye forever." The man spit on the dead wacky man and then walked away.

Someone rang the entrance buzzer.

Aleksar yawned and stretched, saying loudly, "Break your speedcar, would ya? I am on my way in a second!" He slid off his couch with his tee-shirt half-tucked in his sweat pants.

The house buzzer rang once again.

"I'm right here! Wait a second!" said Aleksar. He unlocked the deadbolt and squinted through the eyehole. It was Agnieszka. He opened the door. She looked terrified.

"Agnieszka, how are ya?" Aleksar said smoothly, "Seems late, is there something wrong?"

Agnieszka said, "I need help! Can I come in?" Her hands were trembling and she looked awful. Aleksar let Agnieszka in then locked the door behind them.

Agnieszka went quickly at the window, shoving a curtain aside, saying, "Look and see, tell me if you see anyone sneakin' around my house."

Aleksar and Agnieszka lived on opposite sides of an intersection roundabout. The center circle was empty with a knee high stone wall around it, level across the top.

Aleksar looked out the window wirh Agnieszka. Her nice make-up colored Porsche was in her driveway. An elaborate flower bed that she planted and took care of herself lined the driveway. A top-end sculpture of a mythological god watched over her yard. Aleksar has seen Agnieszka only in the daytime.

Aleksar looked and looked and didn't see anything, he said, "Agneiszka, what am I lookin' at finding?"

"I don't know, I didn't see him but someone was in my house." Agneiszka said, "I went to the kitchen, thirsty, when I heard a loud crash in the laundry room. Someone must be climbing through the laundry room window I thought, so I went to my room then got dressed. A minute later I was out the door and went straight over here. I felt scared. Nobody has ever tried sneakin' into my house before."

They both searched intently with their eyes, the lights were on in her house. They didn't see any activity.

Aleksar said, "You left your lights turned on?"

"No," Agneiszka said, "Whoever went in turned them on. The only light I leave on is my hall light, when I'm sleeping that is."

Aleksar said, "Wait, I think I see someone. There, in your sideyard, behind the tree. Do you see him? He's fiddlin' with the window."

Agneiszka said, "Yes, I see him. What should I do?"

The shape was difficult to see. It moved with speed. Abnormally quick. The thing sprinted across the roundabout cross-section with inhuman speed directly at Aleksars house. It was devoid of light and didn't reflect light. His body was small and limbs longer than usual. They couldn't make out definitive features in the shape, even while it passed under the lights. The thing circled around at their right, out of view.

Aleksar and Agneiszka heard the cat yowling outrageously then a loud thump went through the wall. Agneiszka said, "Oh no! Not your cat! Aleksar, he got your cat!"

Aleksar said, "Don't you worry, I won't let the intruder hurt us. I will kill him before I will ever let him touch you. Don't you worry at all."

Agneiszka took Aleksar's arm and squeezed it, saying, "Didn't you see how quick that he was running? He's probably very vicious."

"I'm fast enough, the intruder doesn't have a chance." said Aleksar, sliding the side of his hand across his neck, mock slicing his own throat, "I am deady, armed and ready. I can defend us."

There were some crashing sounds at the other end of Aleksar's house. Both of them turned around. Aleksar said, "We are going to the garage where my chainsaws are, we'll be safe in there and I will kill the sneaker dead in his tracks."

Aleksar went to the coat rack near the door where a tall wooden bucket contained a few umbrellas along with a section of piping about two and a half feet in length and weighed ten pounds. He showed Agneiszka how dangerous he could be with a fierce swing. Aleksar said, "You see this pipe? I can kill a cow with this, so don't you worry. I'm tough enough to kill a freaky sneakin' house invader. Come on, hurry to the garage where my chainsaws are."

They left the living room empty. The mock 70s movie continued playing on the television, throwing a soft light across the room. On the screen the same man that killed the wacky man was wearing a new suit and having a conversation with a beautiful woman wearing a dress. "I care about you, I do a lot." said the man.

The garage was bitingly cold and a faint odor of wood dust lightly tinged the air. Aleksar didn't turn the garage light on for two reasons; one, the light would easily shine through the crack around the door, and two, the air conditioning system was very loud and would definitely give away their location.

Aleksar yanked a flashlight off the workbench near the door and they used it to find their way around the garage. A 1930's era car was in the center area of the garage, covered with a car-tarp. They whispered when they said anything to each other now.

Aleksar whispered, "Here Agneiszka, take this knife and hide behind my car over there. If the intruder gets close enough you can give him a good stab and give it all you got. Watch out that knife is razor sharp. He shined the light at her face below her chin, making her look ominous, then said, "You get what I am saying?"

She was youthful and he a few years older than her. They both looked younger than they were, she much more than he. It was probably not a good idea now to ask her how old she was either. And although she wasn't at ber best at this very moment she had a beauty about her that he found hypnotic. She nodded at his question and took the knife out of his hand. They looked each other in the eyes once more before he left her alone behind the car.

The moonlight shone through the glazed garage windows enough that a faint blue tint poured into the room. There wasn't enough light to make out pronounced shapes or walk around without hitting your toes on something.

Aleksar had several work benches around his garage. He went to one of them with a selection of tools placed upon it. He leaned the pipe against the car cover and then went to the wall display and took one of his chainsaws off the hook. The chainsaw he chose was gas powered and zip line started.

He clicked off his flashlight and set it on the work bench and then positioned himself towards the door with one foot in the way to slow the intruder's entrance. Agneiszka was motionless, he could barely make out her outline in the dim blue light. He was confident of their advantage over the intruder.

Some minutes went before Aleksar heard the intruder sneakin' through his house. There were loud footsteps that didn't sound much careful and they neared the garage door. Aleksar got ready to attack, anchoring his foot. He clenched the zipline on the chainsaw as the intruder slowed to look throught the crack in the doorway.

The intruder walked into the door and the door pressed into Aleksar's foot. Aleksar let his foot off the stair and yanked the chainsaw into action as the intruder entered, startling him but he couldn't turn around fast enough because he was already in motion. The loud grind of the chainsaw roared throughout the garage.

Aleksar immediately swung the chainsaw with an overhead motion at the intruder, gashing the unwelcome mystery man wide open vertically. The intruder made a leap sideways but he was already hit, squealing loudly though not louder than the chainsaw. Aleksar kept the chainsaw trained on the intruder, gashing at him once again, cutting diagonally across his legs and abdomen. The intruder fell hard.

Aleksar turned off his chainsaw and flicked the garage light on. The intruder was wearing clothes that made him look like a funny shape hole except where the chainsaw tore him apart.

Agneiszka looked on in horror as the unwelcome sneaker lay writhing in absolute pain, bleeding profusely, making some sort of odd noise both of them never heard before.

Aleksar pinched the top of the nylon mask that the unwelcome sneaker was wearing with his hard pipe in the other hand. Aleksar said, "We should take a hard look at what our enemy here looks like before we continue." With that he yanked the mask off.

Agneiszka said, "My god, what is that?!" covering her mouth with her slender hand.

The unwelcome sneaker had no ears and roundish earmuff-like domes protruded from the sides of its head in a bubble like fashion. All of the monster's skin was covered in a fur-like hair, not his lips though. His chin was hideously longer and wider than any human chin that ever existed. The hair on his head looked like animal mane.

"Are those horns?" Agneiszka asked.

"It appears so," said Aleksar, "We should call animal control, right? This thing looks more like a monster than a person. We could tie him up or I can crush his ungodly head in right now, what's it gonna be, Agneiszka?"

Agneiszka said, "Let's tie him up."

Aleksar said, "Sound like a great idea. Maybe he's bigfoot. He might die, you know."

Agneiszka said, "Serves him right."

Neon luminescence started emanating off the monster's hair, glowing with a shine shifting in hues and tints. His eyes were piss yellow with no pupils and gave a deep hypnotising feeling of bewilderment.

The monster hypnotised Agneiszka and she lost her mind, closing her eyes she whined, "The. . . monster's. . . a. . . mind. . . power. . ." She fell to her knees and then trembled uncontrollably.

The monster was hissing lowly under his breath and gurgling a thick throaty miserable hum.

Aleksar clenched his pipe then swung it at the monster's upper torso with all of his might. There was a loud dull smack. The monster choked some more. Aleksar swung once again, this time hitting the monster square on his forehead. With a loud crunchy crack, the monster died.

Agneiszka opened her eyes. The monster's power had ended before it could do her permanent harm. Aleksar said, "Say goodbye sneaker, you ain't returnin'"

Aleksar tossed the pipe on the garage floor and gave Agneiszka a hand, helping her stand with him. She threw herself into his loving arms. The end.




 

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