GOD Speaks!

[Howey]

 

[emilynghiem]

www.islandnet.com/~luree/contest.html

THE GREAT GOD CONTEST

The Mother Of All Contests!
Right here on the Internet, we will attempt to bring a final resolution
to all religious wars, controversy, and hypocrisy:

The Rules

The rules are simple. Any religious organization in the world is invited to enter their god. The various gods will be given three challenges to fulfill. These challenges have been chosen because they represent typical accomplishments of most of the present day gods, as well as historical ones. In light of the various literary records, these challenges should be very easy for any god to accomplish.

Only one entry per religion is allowed.

The winner will be the god who completes all three challenges in the least amount of time.

Onlookers may cheer for their god by offering prayers, songs, epithets or verbal abuse.

If your god fails to show, then followers are free to cheer for a more conscientious alternative.

Notice: Representatives of local S.P.C.A.'s, Humane Societies, and P.E.T.A. will be on hand to ensure that no animals are killed or mutilated, even if it is for some primitive sacrifice or common food ritual. God's creatures are in no way to be adversely affected by this religious challenge.

Gods Not Entered
Gods who are unwilling, or unable, to enter this contest will forfeit the right of their representatives to collect money, tithes, land, or any other worldly possessions in their god's name.

The Prizes
The winning god will receive all money, possessions and property held by churches, organizations and representatives of the losing gods. These possessions will be distributed according to the whim of the winner. In addition, in recognition of His/Her/Its superiority, the winning god will be the sole recipient of prayers, entreaties, solicitations, petitions, requests and other forms of begging from all the people in the world.

At the conclusion of this contest, the winner will attend a summit meeting with the world's leaders to implement divine solutions to overpopulation, pollution, corruption, greed, disease, and other ills which plague His/Her/Its creations.

In the eventuality that there is no winner, then all money, property and possessions of all the religions in the world will be turned over to a Committee of Common Sense for distribution to the betterment of conditions of all living creatures.

 

[CrusaderFrank]

It's sock week at USMB

 

[emilynghiem]

Clueless

For once in eternity,
God didn't know what to do, although he was omniscient.
And knew it. Or thought so.
He wasn't sure. If he knew all things in heaven and hell,
which was a hell of a lot more than heaven alone,
he'd instantly know in advance how to respond in the future.
But he didn't. Nothing made sense anymore.

The chances that human had outsmarted God were lower than a snowball's chance in hell, or heaven and hell combined, whichever was worse. How could they set him up behind his back, in front of his face? Only God could achieve the impossible, so this must be his will, since it was clearly impossible. He was stunned.
This made no sense, and he knew it.
Or thought he did. Aarrgghh!

Never mind, he assured himself, it's some trick of the Devil he allowed.
Then made himself forget, since he was omnipotent.
Only God could make himself forget that he forgot something, right?
Just forget it, he thought.

God tore through his files, searching. For deliberately random scribbles, or any clue why he might plan to forget whatever plans he forgot. There must be some note reminding him, but since he could not remember where he forgot he wrote it down, surely he planned all that! How else could he set up humans to set him up, unless he set that up, too? This whole thing smelled of a setup, right under his nose.

Finding no answers, he found himself lost.
For the first time in history, without beginning or end,
God was clueless. If his plan was to prove his omniscience,
now he knew how cluelessness felt.
Otherwise, he wouldn't have a clue!
He now knew what it meant not to know.
At least he knew that much.

 

[AmericanFirst]

Satan worshipers are so funny.

 

[Redfish]

God does speak. Ignore him to your detriment.

 

[Dot Com]

It's sock week at USMB

whats the 411 on your most recent avie Frank1400PennAve CrusaderFrank ???

 

[TheOldSchool]

 

[konradv]

It's sock week at USMB

This an admission?!?!