1050 Falcon Nest:
Hey just for fun, and so the influences on home prices make a bit more sense, I'll go through these properties: ~Channels inner snobby ***** and views picture one for 1050 Falcon Nest~ While I do appreciate the separate golf cart garage (as opposed to just having a smaller garage door pointed awkwardly out the side) I must say the flow is... concerning. Entering this house the grand entry isn't even viewable... is it on the right or the left? How will our guests know? Shall I install a neon arrow so they do not accidentally pick the wrong side? ~flips to picture 2~ What the ****?!? You're trying to trick me?? What the hell was that first picture of? Wait... Wait... Wait... Are you ******* telling me that the first thing folks see from the street is the casita? uhm... I think ******* not... but lets continue... ~pic three~ Da ****?!? DUDE back yard now? Okay, I'll give you points for attempting to hide the flaws in their view, but that just ain't good enough man... ~pic four~ Oh see now this is nice, why the hell is this hid behind the casita man? That door... uhm, oh is that a courtyard? ~pic 5~ Hmmm okay courtyard in the front... not too sure about that but... is that a second casita?! I do like that. ~pic 6~ Alright you've won me back with the 2 casita's and it looks like that's actually a /double/ golf cart garage. ~pic 7~ Oh... that's not a courtyard okay, minor detail, I do like the door though... dude, why do you have rough log posts next to that beautiful door - what are you a lumber jack? ~pic 8 & 9~ Very nice! ~pic 10 & 11~ What the **** is this monstrosity of a country kitchen! ****... I'd have to replace all the cabinets and custom panels for that fridge... very nice though, what's that a six foot Wolf? (ah subzero, w/e they make Wolf as well) I tell ya, I can fit a lot of party trays in there so maybe redoing the kitchen isn't so bad. ~pic 12 & 13~ Dude! What's with the unfinished timber shit. No ******* class here... I guess I can have them fluted... Nice patio off here, beautiful raised fireplace and the bar is nice if a bit hard to get behind from the looks of it ~pic 14~ ~screams~ DEAD THINGS! You idiot, take that shit down, I could have had a heart attack. (fake liberal tears) Meh Office/den/man cave. This has nothing to do with me Sir, and you know I make the decision, why did you put this at the front and waste my time? ~pic 15~ and back to the great room... stop confusing me. What a dismal view for lunch bleh ~pic 16, 17, & 18~ Okay more kitchen stuff check - god those cabinets are awful... ~Pic 19~ acceptable guest room, looks to be a king with plenty of room for comforts and a bathroom attached always a good thing. ~pic 20~ uhm... Is /this/ the master suite? Oh okay. ~pic 21, 22, 23~ Alright that's not bad ~pic 24~ wait wtf, that isn't the same bed. This is one of the casitas? Was that bathroom the master or this one? SIGH ~pic 25, 26, 27~ Okay second casita. Its alright, has a nice view. ~pic 28~ What the **** is this? Seriously? Twin beds? In /wicker/?!? What are you house poor? OMG how embarrassing thank god the furniture goes before anyone thinks that's ours... ~pic 29~ ooo nice.. although... is that... Seriously? You missed the plumbing height for the washer? ...I have no words. ~pic 30~ ~squees~ WATER FEATURE! Major points! ~excitedly pic 31, 32, & 33 ~ No more pics of the water feature?

Attempting to overcome my disappointment here, but I will grudgingly admit that's an okay view of the mountains. Hot tub and pool, plus water feature is a bonus. ~pic 34~ wait... ~pic 35~ wut... Okay so... two separate yards almost... hmmm Were you renting this?!? That is against the HOA and ewww renters in my future house? They never take care of stuff, mess up the carpets, put holes in the walls... No jumping to conclusions now self... Maybe it's so the guys can fake golf while us ladies socialize... ~pic 34~ Okay... just... no man! Your course view is absolutely pathetic and your silly putting green mini-golf setup is an insult to /real/ golfers. You're view is a sand dune... in the desert... throwing trees in front of it doesn't help when there's nothing /else/. Where's the outdoor grill station? Where's the fire pit seating area? Further more, the orientation of that patio is off into the lesser neighborhood, that's just not acceptable man. Why the hell did you disrespect the mountains? Oh trying to pathetically pretend you had a course view or something? As if you could actually sit on the patio and watch them play through /anyway/ giving that horrendous drop off? What a poser... I'll offer $800k because it needs so much work. That whole back patio has to go, the kitchen needs replacing, the washer pipes will need to be relocated, those rough timber logs need replacing/refacing/something and I still don't know if I like the first thing folks see being the casita so I might have to rip that down (If that's what pic one is, I can't tell and you didn't give me a proper street view.) Meh...
506 Calais:
~pic 1, 2, & 3~ Nice street view. ~coos~ Look at that course view! And separate garage for golf carts. Good good. ~frowns slightly~ How... uhm rustic that grand entrance is. ~pic 4 through 9~ UGH more rough wood accents ~starts list of things that have to go~ Front doors, post... ******* lots of posts, ceiling beams? seriously man? Ugh wth is over the stove bleh. Still great room is lovely, the back wall of windows offer a spectacular view from what I can see, and the proportions are very nice for parties. Separate bar area is great though the kitchen seems a little... outdated and the traffic flow is just odd - am I supposed to carry dishes from the sink to the dishwasher here or what? Meh on that so probably have to re do the kitchen entirely here as well, those cabinets are so... rustic. ~pic 10~ What a nice dining area, I really like the built in cabinet idea, but the pattern is... lacking for my taste - also uhm why doesn't in light insert match the wall? ~pic 11~ nice den. This rustic wood look though... I hope it stays on the furniture from here out ~pic 12 & 13~ What a spectacular guest room. The view is fantastic. ~pic 14~ Oh look more twin beds, wtf is wrong with you people? ~pic 15~ ~spies tiny suitcase~ Oh you have grand kids that visit... Alright I'll over look this... Question... is there a door on this "bedroom" here? ~pic16, 17~ Still don't know if there's a door... not a good sign, but that is a lovely bathroom... that's not the master is it? I'm not sharing my master bath with anyone okay. ~pic 18~ hmmm okay moving on, nice laundry, a bit clunky so new cabinets, but I really like that huge oversized door... too bad there's a doggy door in it and it's not leading to the garage. ~pic 19 through 21~ Oh yes, that's what I'm talking about. Look at all that space to entertain and relax in. The bamboo roof is beautiful. I like so far. ~pic 22 through 24~ A lovely casita, acceptable size, all the amenities. I approve ~pic 25 & 26 ~ I love the shape of this pool, very nice. No hot tub? ...Well I am from Alaska so maybe I can go without... maybe ~pic 27 through 29~ WATER FEATURE... wait... is that hmmm outside the fence.. is that mine or Falcon Ridges? Do I care? maybe? hm... ~pic 30 & 31~ Well that's nice, and you remembered the fire pit, very well in fact. I bet I could hear the water fall from there. I like it ~pic 32~ Stupid picture that is meaningless. Don't waste my damn time. ~pic 33 through 34~ OMG ~drools~ Yesh please! ~pic 34~ Repeat pic? Didn't I already tell you to stop wasting my damn time?
Okay so... given the other house's issues; doing something the rough timber posts and ceiling beams all over, front door has got to go, replacing cabinets in kitchen, bathrooms, laundry room, and probably the casita. You're forcing me to take the furniture so I'm going to have to burn it all or something. It's a bit more work for this one if we presume the casita in front of the other house can stay, and this is a smaller house and a year younger as well, BUT this place has a lovely street presence [after that door is burnt] and a killer course view so I'm willing to let the size loss/1/2 bath/lot size loss AND the lack of a hot tub slide. Still I question if that twin beds bedroom is a "proper" master suite for me. I'll offer $950k soft lob. (After viewing comes a hard ball, and I'd guess that at a bit shy of $1M because I have a feeling those twin beds are in the "master suite," in which case that room is a bit "thin" for my sleigh bed, both dressers, and nightstands which means selling furniture I /really/ want to keep... And obviously that other bedroom is unacceptable as a master - these folks had the same problem and that's probably why they're selling it.) -- PS hey, I didn't see a home theater, I'm knocking off $10k for false advertising.