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~Doctor Doctor~

Dabs

~Unpredictable~
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DOCTORS NOTES ON PATIENTS' CHARTS: (ACTUAL NOTES UNEDITED!)

- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

- On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

- She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

- The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

- Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

- Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

- The patient refused an autopsy.

- The patient has no past history of suicides.

- Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

- Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

- She is numb from her toes down.

- While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

- The skin was moist and dry.

- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

- Patient was alert and unresponsive.

- I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

- Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

- Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

- Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

- The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

- Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. X, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

- Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

- Patient appears responsive, but unable to communicate with me.

- Bladder is under control, but cannot stop urine from seeping.

- Heart problem is fixed. Patient died at 10:07 this morning.

- Complains of chest pain occasionally. Otherwise just a pain.

- Patient is always telling me about her pains and problems. This remains a significant pain to me.

- The blood workup showed no antibodies present. Need the rest of the blood to be sure, however.

- If it weren't for the fact that the patient is dead, I would say he was in perfect health.

- Testicles are missing on this woman.
 

Big Black Dog

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Take two ass burns and call me in the morning.
 

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