Dick Cheney Vice Presidential Library Opens In Pitch-Dark, Sulfurous Underground Cave
According to officials, the subterranean library will permanently house the archived records and artifacts of Cheneys vice presidency and will include more than 2.7 million photographs, thousands of razor-sharp stalactites, 4 million documents offering a legal basis for torture, scalding-hot green smoke wafting out of the cave walls, an original manuscript of the Patriot Act, hundreds of sick and hungry cave bears, and 15,000 audio recordings from Cheneys private meetings.
The Cheney Museum offers a firsthand look at the life and work of our nations 46th vice president, said head curator Jonathan Luddom, a 7-foot-tall blind cavern dweller with third-degree burns on his face and limbs. From the Hall of Obfuscation, to the Pit of Yellowcake Uranium, to the interactive waterboarding exhibit for kids, this library is a stirring tribute to who Mr. Cheney is and what he believes in.
Now I must go and search for food and moisture, continued Luddom, moments before being devoured by a swarm of ravenous bats.
According to officials, the subterranean library will permanently house the archived records and artifacts of Cheneys vice presidency and will include more than 2.7 million photographs, thousands of razor-sharp stalactites, 4 million documents offering a legal basis for torture, scalding-hot green smoke wafting out of the cave walls, an original manuscript of the Patriot Act, hundreds of sick and hungry cave bears, and 15,000 audio recordings from Cheneys private meetings.
The Cheney Museum offers a firsthand look at the life and work of our nations 46th vice president, said head curator Jonathan Luddom, a 7-foot-tall blind cavern dweller with third-degree burns on his face and limbs. From the Hall of Obfuscation, to the Pit of Yellowcake Uranium, to the interactive waterboarding exhibit for kids, this library is a stirring tribute to who Mr. Cheney is and what he believes in.
Now I must go and search for food and moisture, continued Luddom, moments before being devoured by a swarm of ravenous bats.