Breast-Feeding: Private Act or Public Right?

[Shattered]

Thats a strange stance, you seem to actually think its justified to harrass a nursing mother and would blame her for it? Shall we also blame women for being harrassed because they dressed too sexy or looked to pretty so they should "expect" it? Are people with jewelry or a nice car "expecting" to get mugged so they should also just suck it up too?

I understand someone may not like it and they certainly dont have to, but its taking it too far when they actively harrass a woman for it.

There just arent rooms all over to breast-feed and moms have to do the best they can and while I am sure its not up to your standards and you will defend people who harrass her for it cause she should "expect" I remain glad in the fact that I dont think there that many people out there that would do such a thing.

First of all, you're mistaken in your belief that I'm defending EITHER side in this discussion. I pointed out, quite clearly, that it doesn't offend me PERSONALLY. However, I am not the "masses", and the "masses" are what one has to deal with when they make a conscious decision to not use the least bit of common decency.

Is it *really* that hard to bring a light blanket, and just cover up a little bit? I'm willing to bet 99.9% of all people have an extra one in the diaper bag they're already carrying.

And for the record, yes..if you're going to dress like a tramp, you should probably expect to be treated as one.. We are the image we make a conscious effort to display.

 

[actsnoblemartin]

Women who dress like whores (not all obviously), should not complain when men jeer at or harass them. If you act like a ho, your gonna be treated as such.

And yes, if you flaunt wealth in peoples face, expect to get bitch slapped for being a jackass

And i would point out, you get treated the way you dress and conduct yourself.

Today too many women, are not acting lady like, but dressing like whores and sleeping around. And dont worry, im not exactly thrilled with my gender either.

Thats a strange stance, you seem to actually think its justified to harrass a nursing mother and would blame her for it? Shall we also blame women for being harrassed because they dressed too sexy or looked to pretty so they should "expect" it? Are people with jewelry or a nice car "expecting" to get mugged so they should also just suck it up too?

I understand someone may not like it and they certainly dont have to, but its taking it too far when they actively harrass a woman for it.

There just arent rooms all over to breast-feed and moms have to do the best they can and while I am sure its not up to your standards and you will defend people who harrass her for it cause she should "expect" I remain glad in the fact that I dont think there that many people out there that would do such a thing.

 

[maineman]

Women who dress like whores (not all obviously), should not complain when men jeer at or harass them. If you act like a ho, your gonna be treated as such.

And yes, if you flaunt wealth in peoples face, expect to get bitch slapped for being a jackass

And i would point out, you get treated the way you dress and conduct yourself.

Today too many women, are not acting lady like, but dressing like whores and sleeping around. And dont worry, im not exactly thrilled with my gender either.

have you ever even SEEN a mother nurse her child in public?

 

[mattskramer]

have you ever even SEEN a mother nurse her child in public?

I did. It was at a restaurant. She was at a corner table. She was well covered up – too well covered in my opinion. (Wink) Just kidding. I was able to notice the baby’s lips and the end of the mother’s breast without having to stare or concentrate. She was modest about it.

 

[actsnoblemartin]

With all due respect, your comments are a bit mean. I dont think its fair or you to say, its like taking a dump, or a piss. I agree with you common sense, and discreetness should be used, but common, you think comparing, breast feeing which is neccesary for someone other then the mother, to live, and taking a dump, or a piss, which you have full control over, is fair, or nice?

I din't say a baby shouldn't be fed. But feeding it wherever you choose is akin to people taking a dump or a piss just because they "need" to, wherever and whenever they want.

It's better to ask the mother to use a little common sense when feeding her child. That liberal mindset "everyone else should change to suit me" doesn't cut it.

 

[actsnoblemartin]

I dont have a problem with women breast feeding in public, I have talked to my sister about this, and had a change of heart. I simply think the breast should be covered, as consideration of others, who maybe dont want to see her breast.

I dont think we disagree here, and I should point out, I dont like immodesty. I dont like men, who just use women for sex, atleast be honest about it. In other words, I have issues with both genders.

I dont think we have an argument here lol

have you ever even SEEN a mother nurse her child in public?

 

[Gem]

I think the point that needs to be stressed is that most people here that I have seen are NOT talking about a woman discreetly feeding her child in public. They are not talking about a woman calmly and as privately as possible feeding her child on a plane, bus, in a restaurant, in a food court, etc.

To those women, they are saying - "Thank you. Thank you for a) breastfeeding your child with is a natural, normal, healthy, beautiful thing. But also b) Thank you for respecting that other people in this world may not want to watch you do so.

I have nothing but contempt for a person who chooses to harass or belittle a woman who is trying to discreetly feed her child. However, I also have noting but contempt for a woman who uses her child's need to breastfeed as a political platform - deliberately displaying her breasts in public spaces when it would be just as simple to be more modest in the hopes that someone will ask her to cover up slightly so she can shriek about how beautiful breastfeeding is and what a prude the person asking is.

Women have the right to breastfeed in public...other individuals have the right to walk around in public without seeing nudity. You can call people who don't want to see a woman's breasts any time of names you want, but in the end - youre just being the type of person who belittles and mocks someone who has the audacity to disagree with you.

Since both individuals - the mother and the "other individual" have rights - then the most simple answer is for both individuals to be respectful of eachother. The mother can try to be discreet...the other individual can be a bit more understanding and respectful.

If all involved would do this - this wouldn't have to be a 7 page thread. The problem is we have woman who choose to deliberately make this a political issue (which is, in my opinion, unfair to their children) and breastfeed very obviously and indiscreetly in public in the hopes of being questioned. And we have individuals who refused to simply look away, and harass a mother who is simply trying to feed their children as discreetly as possible. To both of these groups, shame on you.

I just think its important to note that within this thread...most of the people arguing for discretion are not against women breast-feeding in public...they just want everyone involved to have respect for each other...not just themselves.

 

[Shattered]

I have nothing but contempt for a person who chooses to harass or belittle a woman who is trying to discreetly feed her child. However, I also have noting but contempt for a woman who uses her child's need to breastfeed as a political platform - deliberately displaying her breasts in public spaces when it would be just as simple to be more modest in the hopes that someone will ask her to cover up slightly so she can shriek about how beautiful breastfeeding is and what a prude the person asking is.

Ok, so I don't have one that says "woman" - it'll have to do.

 

[Ruby]

The reason that women politicized it was because many women who were discreetly breast-feeding their babies were harrassed and thrown out of establishments. There has only been one way to change things, to go public and make it a very public issue so that we could change things.

Using our breasts in a sexual manner has not ever been much of a complaint but when women were using breasts to feed babies they were harrassed.

 

[Ruby]

First of all, you're mistaken in your belief that I'm defending EITHER side in this discussion. I pointed out, quite clearly, that it doesn't offend me PERSONALLY. However, I am not the "masses", and the "masses" are what one has to deal with when they make a conscious decision to not use the least bit of common decency.

Is it *really* that hard to bring a light blanket, and just cover up a little bit? I'm willing to bet 99.9% of all people have an extra one in the diaper bag they're already carrying.

And for the record, yes..if you're going to dress like a tramp, you should probably expect to be treated as one.. We are the image we make a conscious effort to display.

So we get to actually harrass people over how they dress too? It sound to me like you advocate people becoming active on their judgements of others. Its fine to not like how someone dresses or think they dress like a tramp BUT again I see you actually support that person being HARRASSED over it.

None of this sounds like personal freedom is honored or thought of in much regard, not much room for people to be different without having to fear harrassment over it. That always seems like it must stem from insecurity and a need to make others around you conform your standards in order to validate you.

Things like breast-feeding and how a person dresses DOES NOT REALLY AFFECT you so why in the world would it be ok to harrass people over such things when it can be easily solved by looking away? Only you control your eyes, you arent going to be able to control others ACTIONS that really have no affect over you. Harrassment or support of such harrrassment is sad path to take.

 

[Ruby]

Women who dress like whores (not all obviously), should not complain when men jeer at or harass them. If you act like a ho, your gonna be treated as such.

And yes, if you flaunt wealth in peoples face, expect to get bitch slapped for being a jackass

And i would point out, you get treated the way you dress and conduct yourself.

Today too many women, are not acting lady like, but dressing like whores and sleeping around. And dont worry, im not exactly thrilled with my gender either.

The fact that you support harrassing or jeering at a woman cause you dont like how she dresses is just plain pathetic and sad. How would you like it if a group of men did this to your sister and she came home crying cause she felt scard and humiliated? You might say she was dressed fine and not like a ho, but guess what....thats subjective and maybe those group of men will say as far as they were concerned she wasnt covered up enough and had too much make up on and had obviously done her hair to look attractive.

Why do you think its ok to tell anyone how to dress or they must live by your dress code, or the guy next doors? I am sure we have men in our society who think women should only show their eyeballs and the rest should be coverred up, should they get to run around and harrass all women who arent?

If people choose to sleep around, it is their choice and their business. It is not an excuse to harrass them. Breast feeding nor how people dress nor how many people they sleep with AFFECTS you so you would have no right to actively interferre or harrass them over such things.

 

[Angel Heart]

The reason that women politicized it was because many women who were discreetly breast-feeding their babies were harrassed and thrown out of establishments. There has only been one way to change things, to go public and make it a very public issue so that we could change things.

Using our breasts in a sexual manner has not ever been much of a complaint but when women were using breasts to feed babies they were harrassed.

exactly.

 

[dilloduck]

exactly.

breast feed in public-----do what ever you want in public-------just don't bitch about spectators. Are we all supposed to pretend your frickin invisible ?

 

[Gem]

Ruby Wrote:

The reason that women politicized it was because many women who were discreetly breast-feeding their babies were harrassed and thrown out of establishments. There has only been one way to change things, to go public and make it a very public issue so that we could change things.

Using our breasts in a sexual manner has not ever been much of a complaint but when women were using breasts to feed babies they were harrassed.

And I think that most here would agree with you that no woman who is discreetly breast-feeding her child should be harassed by a stranger because she has needed to breast-feed in public.

In that case, I do think that fighting for a right to breast-feed is the right thing to do..again, I think that most people here agree with you.

What people who are asking for discretion on both sides are looking for from you and others...is agreement that breast-feeding in public is something that can be done discreetly and with respect for all involved (the mother, the baby, and...because you have chosen to breast-feed in public...the public is now part of the equation).

We keep saying that all we want is for a woman who is feeding her child discreetly and respectfully to be left alone and treated with respect. We agree that women who are harassed while doing that should make sure that the law is on their side.

But we are also saying that women who choose to make a political issue out of breastfeeding by harassing those around her with very obvious, indiscreet breastfeeding for no other reason than to make other people uncomfortable (and while most women who breastfeed discreetly...most people here who are arguing this point have at least one story, if not more, of a woman doing just this...so it happens too) is just as wrong as the person harassing the mother who is feeding her child as privately as possible given the location.

I don't think that the way to win a political argument such as this one is to go from one end of the spectrum to the other...a woman who is harassed while being discreet should not, in my opinion, fire back by walking into a food court, unbuttoning her top, and start feeding her child with one breast while the other is prominently out for every 14-year-old boy in the food court at a huge mall to see (something I witnessed in Towson, MD).

When a security guard quietly and very politely (I was within hearing range) asked her to cover her other breast...she SCREAMED that the law was on her side and that "IF YOU CONSERVATIVE PRUDES CAN'T HANDLE A BOOBIE THAT WASN'T BEING FLASHED BY AN 18 YEAR OLD IN A BIKINI THEN THATS YOUR PROBLEM, NOT MINE, NOW FUCK OFF, YOU PERVERT BEFORE I CALL A REAL COP!"

This woman, in my opinion, was obviously using her child to stage her political point -that she should be able to do whatever she wanted and everyone else around her be damned. And you know what, shes right, the law might have been on her side, but that doesn't mean her behavior was right, appropriate, or respectful...

And THAT is really what I think many people here are asking you and others to recognize...that just as it is not right, appropriate or respectful to approach a woman discreetly (or trying to be discreet and accidentally her breasts come into view momentarily) breast-feeding her child and give her a hard time...it is NOT right to use your child and your body to breastfeed obviously and graphically for no other purpose than to make other people feel uncomfortable in public spaces. The law might be on the mothers side....that doesn't mean its right for a woman to act this way.

Thats the kind of behavior we are now asking you, Ruby and others, to condemn, just as we have condemned idiots who approach women and harass them when they are being polite and respectful of others.

 

[maineman]

In a perfect world, I agree with Gem that all that would really be needed is a degree of respect and discretion on both sides of the equation.

In a perfect world, the constitution of the united states would not have been written denying women the right to vote. In the real world, women had to demonstrate and "get in the face" of men complacent with having all the electoral power. It took a long time, but it worked.

In the real world, women ARE harrassed about breast feeding, and until everyone acknowledges every woman's right to do so, no woman has the right to do so... and perhaps some form of "in your face" behavior is needed, and might be effective, even if it is not polite.

 

[Angel Heart]

breast feed in public-----do what ever you want in public-------just don't bitch about spectators. Are we all supposed to pretend your frickin invisible ?

Oh, I got over the people who stare years ago. Ones I have problems with are the ones that think they can force me to change.

 

[Gem]

maineman wrote:

In the real world, women ARE harrassed about breast feeding, and until everyone acknowledges every woman's right to do so, no woman has the right to do so... and perhaps some form of "in your face" behavior is needed, and might be effective, even if it is not polite.

I agree that women are harassed about breast feeding. I agree that work needs to be done to make sure that a woman's right to breastfeed in public is known and supported by all people.

I'm not sure I agree that an "in your face" option is the way to go...unless you mean staging "nurse-ins" that involve numerous moms nursing discreetly and respectfully. THAT is a nurse-in I would support...because it sends the message that women are trying to do nothing other than feed their children without being harassed...NOT make some sort of political statement about feminism or the right to be naked from the waist up just like men. That is when they lose people who normally would support them whole-heartedly.

 

[maineman]

maineman wrote:


I agree that women are harassed about breast feeding. I agree that work needs to be done to make sure that a woman's right to breastfeed in public is known and supported by all people.

I'm not sure I agree that an "in your face" option is the way to go...unless you mean staging "nurse-ins" that involve numerous moms nursing discreetly and respectfully. THAT is a nurse-in I would support...because it sends the message that women are trying to do nothing other than feed their children without being harassed...NOT make some sort of political statement about feminism or the right to be naked from the waist up just like men. That is when they lose people who normally would support them whole-heartedly.

I totally agree. I think breast feeding has very little to do with "feminism" and everything to do with nurturing and motherhood.

Not everyone will agree with the aspirations of feminists, but everyone NEEDS to accept the best intentions of mothers.

 

[Kagom]

Personally, I don't care if a woman is breast feeding in front of me.

 

[manu1959]

if you don't swallow is it breast feeding?