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Black Man Gets A Smackdown...

Canon Shooter

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This came up on Microsoft Edge; not a browser I normally use, but there it is. It's an advice column called "Dear Prudence" (shout out to The Beatles, I guess).

Anyway, a father who's largely been in absent in his daughter's life, finds out his daughter is getting married, so he hops on a plane to go meet the guy. I won't spoil the fun, but the response from "Prudence", I think, is a wonderful little bitch slap to the advice seeker. I doubt they'll have the balls, but I'd love to see IM2 and Paul Essien opine on this, for reasons which will fairly obvious.

Mildly long; enjoy:

Dear Prudence:

Recently, I learned that my adult daughter was getting married within the year. I was surprised to learn this because I knew nothing of her dating anyone, let alone seriously enough that marriage was in the near future. I’ll admit my daughter and I are not as close as we could be, not since her mother and I divorced when she was a preteen and I moved out of state. Our contact was more limited after I remarried, but I still thought she would inform me of her beau. I arranged a trip to go visit her and see him in person. I was taken aback to learn her fiancé is a white man; she is black. I didn’t say anything at the time, but after I left and thought about it, I felt I should talk to her about it. While the man seemed nice enough, I felt she didn’t know what she was getting herself into.

I gave her a call and expressed my concerns, trying to make sure I wasn’t being judgmental. However, my daughter became angry and argued it wasn’t my business since I’m not a part of her life. She also said that if I didn’t agree with this, she could comment on my marrying a younger woman while forgetting about her growing up. She hung up and later sent a text telling me that I was perfectly free to skip the wedding if I felt so strongly about it. She even went as far as to say that if I had been a better example of a black man, she might not have gone for my “physical opposite.” Honestly, I largely don’t want to go to the wedding not only because I don’t approve of the relationship but her disrespectful attitude. I’m worried that if I don’t, though, it’ll solidify a strained relationship. What should I do?

— Hurt but Concerned

Dear Hurt,

My advice boils down to this: Stay in your lane. And the name of the lane is: Absentee father.

A lot of people would say one of the problems here is that you care about her fiancé’s race at all. But I don’t agree. I can see a Black father who is close to his daughter reasonably saying, “Oh wow, he’s white? Just checking, how does he feel about raising Black children? Have you two talked about what you’ll do when racism inevitably rears its head in your lives? What has he said about how his relatives will treat you?” In that sense, I don’t think it’s totally inappropriate to express concern. But it’s a weird thing to do if you haven’t shown the same kind of care about other issues in your daughter’s life. I also think it’s strange that you brought it up after having a chance to meet the guy, feel out his vibes, ask him questions and get to know who he was as a whole person, not just a white person. Taking all that together, I’m not at all surprised that she’s upset by the combination of your absence in your life (which has obviously hurt her) and your misguided comments.

I have to add that I also find it off-putting that as soon as you found out there was a man in her life, you hopped on a plane, especially if you didn’t do the same when she started college, got her first job, moved into an apartment, or celebrated other milestones when she might have appreciated your presence. To suddenly perk up and engage when marriage is on the table suggests a sense of ownership rather than a true interest in her wellbeing.

The way forward is to apologize for overstepping and assure her that you would love to attend the wedding if she can forgive you. If she accepts, ask yourself if you can be comfortable with a role in her wedding that matches the role you’ve had in her life so far: Someone who’s happy for her but isn’t one of the main characters in her story and isn’t entitled to a say about how things happen. The more you can be present, supportive, and nonjudgmental and refrain from being controlling, the more likely she is to open up to a closer relationship in the future. And if there are grandkids, you can have a fresh start.

Help! My Daughter Is Marrying a White Man Against My Wishes.
 

Toffeenut Baconsmuggler

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image.gif


Prudence dun bitch slapped that bastard!!!

Yeah, I've seen plenty of people in my life ignore someone that needs help or guidance (regardless of being family or not)........only to show interest when it suits THEIR personal wants or agendas or self-entitled ego's. My mother was one of these people. So I have first hand knowledge, unfortunately.
 

Paul Essien

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This came up on Microsoft Edge; not a browser I normally use, but there it is. It's an advice column called "Dear Prudence" (shout out to The Beatles, I guess).

Anyway, a father who's largely been in absent in his daughter's life, finds out his daughter is getting married, so he hops on a plane to go meet the guy. I won't spoil the fun, but the response from "Prudence", I think, is a wonderful little bitch slap to the advice seeker. I doubt they'll have the balls, but I'd love to see IM2 and Paul Essien opine on this, for reasons which will fairly obvious.

Mildly long; enjoy:

Dear Prudence:

Recently, I learned that my adult daughter was getting married within the year. I was surprised to learn this because I knew nothing of her dating anyone, let alone seriously enough that marriage was in the near future. I’ll admit my daughter and I are not as close as we could be, not since her mother and I divorced when she was a preteen and I moved out of state. Our contact was more limited after I remarried, but I still thought she would inform me of her beau. I arranged a trip to go visit her and see him in person. I was taken aback to learn her fiancé is a white man; she is black. I didn’t say anything at the time, but after I left and thought about it, I felt I should talk to her about it. While the man seemed nice enough, I felt she didn’t know what she was getting herself into.

I gave her a call and expressed my concerns, trying to make sure I wasn’t being judgmental. However, my daughter became angry and argued it wasn’t my business since I’m not a part of her life. She also said that if I didn’t agree with this, she could comment on my marrying a younger woman while forgetting about her growing up. She hung up and later sent a text telling me that I was perfectly free to skip the wedding if I felt so strongly about it. She even went as far as to say that if I had been a better example of a black man, she might not have gone for my “physical opposite.” Honestly, I largely don’t want to go to the wedding not only because I don’t approve of the relationship but her disrespectful attitude. I’m worried that if I don’t, though, it’ll solidify a strained relationship. What should I do?

— Hurt but Concerned

Dear Hurt,

My advice boils down to this: Stay in your lane. And the name of the lane is: Absentee father.

A lot of people would say one of the problems here is that you care about her fiancé’s race at all. But I don’t agree. I can see a Black father who is close to his daughter reasonably saying, “Oh wow, he’s white? Just checking, how does he feel about raising Black children? Have you two talked about what you’ll do when racism inevitably rears its head in your lives? What has he said about how his relatives will treat you?” In that sense, I don’t think it’s totally inappropriate to express concern. But it’s a weird thing to do if you haven’t shown the same kind of care about other issues in your daughter’s life. I also think it’s strange that you brought it up after having a chance to meet the guy, feel out his vibes, ask him questions and get to know who he was as a whole person, not just a white person. Taking all that together, I’m not at all surprised that she’s upset by the combination of your absence in your life (which has obviously hurt her) and your misguided comments.

I have to add that I also find it off-putting that as soon as you found out there was a man in her life, you hopped on a plane, especially if you didn’t do the same when she started college, got her first job, moved into an apartment, or celebrated other milestones when she might have appreciated your presence. To suddenly perk up and engage when marriage is on the table suggests a sense of ownership rather than a true interest in her wellbeing.

The way forward is to apologize for overstepping and assure her that you would love to attend the wedding if she can forgive you. If she accepts, ask yourself if you can be comfortable with a role in her wedding that matches the role you’ve had in her life so far: Someone who’s happy for her but isn’t one of the main characters in her story and isn’t entitled to a say about how things happen. The more you can be present, supportive, and nonjudgmental and refrain from being controlling, the more likely she is to open up to a closer relationship in the future. And if there are grandkids, you can have a fresh start.

Help! My Daughter Is Marrying a White Man Against My Wishes.

Can you seriously blame the father for not wanting his black daughter marrying a white man ?

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236052260_564356611586336_2914211059530969348_n.jpg


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150379519_454525599236105_2497078492273384907_n.jpg
 
Last edited:

freyasman

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I've been married to my wife since 1989.

I've met my father in law once, about 1990 or 91.


We're doing just fine.
 

fncceo

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Jewish mother hears from her daughter that she got engaged on a trip overseas and would return home with her new fiance.

The mother met her daughter son-in-law elect at the airport and she was shocked to see her daughter get off the plane with a six foot tall African native wearing a loin cloth and carrying a spear.

The mother screamed at her daughter, "You idiot! I said a RICH doctor!".
 

Lysistrata

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I think that this awful story was only posted as a thread because of the racial aspect in that this situation arose between a black absentee father and his daughter. Your headline screams it. Do you think that this situation does not and cannot happen between a white absentee father and his estranged daughter who is engaged to a black man? I think that this thread was posted only to widen the racial divide, which benefits no one. Shame on you.
 

freyasman

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You're attacking the messenger, not the message. What he said about not wanting his daughter to date a white man was a fair comment
I agree actually.

He has concerns for his child and there is nothing wrong with that.


But he lost his place to comment by not being around more. And maybe that wasn't even his fault, idk.

But 90% of life is showing up.
 

AZrailwhale

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Can you seriously blame the father for not wanting his black daughter marrying a white man ?

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Yes I can blame him. What difference does the color of her fiancé's skin make? What's far more important is how he treats her, does he love her, will he support her financially and emotionally? The most important thing is he willing to WORK to make the marriage a success? It doesn't surprise me in the least that you find his race to be a concern. Everything in your life is colored by race.
 

westwall

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You're attacking the messenger, not the message. What he said about not wanting his daughter to date a white man was a fair comment



No, it wasn't. Only racist assholes, like you care about skin color. I don't care what race my daughter marries when it is time. I only care that her partner lover her, care for her, and BE her partner.

Only weak minded, immature, thoughtless morons, like you, care about skin color.
 

AZrailwhale

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I think that this awful story was only posted as a thread because of the racial aspect in that this situation arose between a black absentee father and his daughter. Your headline screams it. Do you think that this situation does not and cannot happen between a white absentee father and his estranged daughter who is engaged to a black man? I think that this thread was posted only to widen the racial divide, which benefits no one. Shame on you.
An absentee father has no right to interfere in his child's life. I'm an absentee father, not by my choice, but by the conduct of my ex-wife. I haven't had contact with my daughter since she was six years old because every time I tried to exercise my court ordered visitation, my daughter and ex would be "out of town" or if I exerted enough legal pressure to get a visit, the cops and child protective services would show up in the middle of the night as the result of an "anonymous" complaint. My daughter was suffering from the constant conflict so eventually I let her go to protect her as best I could. Regardless of the reasons for the estrangement, I have no right to intrude in her life or to expect any input in her decisions. If she came to me for help I would do as much as I could for her; that's the OBLIGATION of being a parent, estranged or not.
 

katsteve2012

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I think that this awful story was only posted as a thread because of the racial aspect in that this situation arose between a black absentee father and his daughter. Your headline screams it. Do you think that this situation does not and cannot happen between a white absentee father and his estranged daughter who is engaged to a black man? I think that this thread was posted only to widen the racial divide, which benefits no one. Shame on you.
Oddly, this sounds almost identical to a brother in law of mine who married a white female, and had to tell her loser father to stay out of their lives.

This type of situation can occur no matter what the race of the people are.
 
OP
Canon Shooter

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Can you seriously blame the father for not wanting his black daughter marrying a white man ?

237218541_564362834919047_3387194941365869101_n.jpg


236052260_564356611586336_2914211059530969348_n.jpg
236052260_564356611586336_2914211059530969348_n.jpg


172241768_487153385973326_7808272969931770055_n.jpg


150379519_454525599236105_2497078492273384907_n.jpg

My position is that he doesn't get a vote.

He skipped out on his kid her mother and apparently had very little to do with them. Instead, that greasy negro went and married some much younger hot chick. Shit, he's lucky his daughter even bothered to tell him.

And four examples of the violence shown towards black women is, at best, anecdotal. It's meaningless. I could easily counter it with any one of the countless cases where black women marrying white guys works out just fine. A good friend of mine, a white musician, is married to a fucking gorgeous black woman; smart, refined, funny. They've been married 11 years and have a storybook life.

You just hate the fact that the really smart, gorgeous black women end up with white guys...
 

katsteve2012

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I think that this awful story was only posted as a thread because of the racial aspect in that this situation arose between a black absentee father and his daughter. Your headline screams it. Do you think that this situation does not and cannot happen between a white absentee father and his estranged daughter who is engaged to a black man? I think that this thread was posted only to widen the racial divide, which benefits no one. Shame on you.
This sounds nearly identical to my brother in law who married a white female. He had to tell her loser father to mind his own business too.

He was absent from her life until he heard that she was engaged to a Black man, then he tried to be present.

There are absent fathers in every demographic.
 
OP
Canon Shooter

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I think that this awful story was only posted as a thread because of the racial aspect in that this situation arose between a black absentee father and his daughter. Your headline screams it. Do you think that this situation does not and cannot happen between a white absentee father and his estranged daughter who is engaged to a black man? I think that this thread was posted only to widen the racial divide, which benefits no one. Shame on you.

Hey, feel free to start a thread about it.

The point is that I didn't see anything about a white absentee father. I saw this.

So, yeah, I couldn't give a shit as to why you think I posted this...
 
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Canon Shooter

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You're attacking the messenger, not the message. What he said about not wanting his daughter to date a white man was a fair comment
He gets no say in it. The fact that he doesn't like it is what makes this story so enjoyable. He doesn't have shit to do with her until she says she's marrying a white guy. All of a sudden, then, he feels he needs to get all involved in her life. Well, fuck him. He had that opportunity and squandered it.

My daughter's engaged to a Mexican. I love this kid to death and I'll be proud to call him my son in law. If he was black, and treated my daughter the way Dom treats her, I'd feel exactly the same way...
 

katsteve2012

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IM2

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No, it wasn't. Only racist assholes, like you care about skin color. I don't care what race my daughter marries when it is time. I only care that her partner lover her, care for her, and BE her partner.

Only weak minded, immature, thoughtless morons, like you, care about skin color.
Stop lying you racist piece of trash. This thread is a race bait thread according to your logic. And you don't attack the OP as you do when someone black posts truth about white racism. This itself shows that you you skin color is all that matters.
 

IM2

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My position is that he doesn't get a vote.

He skipped out on his kid her mother and apparently had very little to do with them. Instead, that greasy negro went and married some much younger hot chick. Shit, he's lucky his daughter even bothered to tell him.

And four examples of the violence shown towards black women is, at best, anecdotal. It's meaningless. I could easily counter it with any one of the countless cases where black women marrying white guys works out just fine. A good friend of mine, a white musician, is married to a fucking gorgeous black woman; smart, refined, funny. They've been married 11 years and have a storybook life.

You just hate the fact that the really smart, gorgeous black women end up with white guys...
Why would he hate that? White men like you can't stand a brother with a hot white woman. There is only one reason you started this thread.

I was married to a white woman who was abused by her foster mother who was a pill addict in a single parent home. Her real mother abandoned her. So your story has no purpose but to race bait.
 

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